Everyone shut up, it’s @drarrymalecsolangelo‘s birthday today, and they are amazing. I asked if they had a short writing request, because I wanted to get them something. They asked for a platonic loceit debate where Logan and Janus debate whether or not water is wet. And that is exactly what this is.
I have not properly proof-read it so there might be some weird mistakes in there. I apologize in advance.
Pairing: Platonic loceit
Word count: 992
” That’s… That’s ridiculous!” Logan said, “Of course water is wet.”
“Oh, really?” Janus drawled, “How do you define wet, then?”
Logan shook his head in disbelief as he squinted his eyes. “Well, I mean, that largely depends on what context it is used!” he said, “I would argue that water is a liquid, and liquid is largely associated with getting things wet.”
“Keyword here, is getting things wet.” Janus said with a smirk, “Are you implying that water makes itself wet?”
“In a sense yes! Water can be defined as having a surface, which means that the surface being touched by water could be considered to make it damp.”
“Water can’t be made more damp, darling.” Janus said, gesturing with his arms, “Water in a liquid state will be the same amount of damp.”
Logan pursed his lips. “Perhaps it will, but that already opens the door to numerous other questions.” he said, “What state is the water in question in? If we use water in solid form, the solid surface will gradually become more wet, as the ice melts, will it not?”
Janus rolled his eyes, though his smile didn’t fade. “Now you’re getting caught up in technicalities. When you say ‘water’ it is assumed to be in its liquid state.”
“I’m the one getting caught up in technicalities?” Logan said with an offended gasp, “The entire question is needlessly unspecific, and your logic is based around the idea that there is one steadfast definition of the word wet.”
“Isn’t there, Logan?” Janus asked, with a self-assured look in his eyes.
“Well for one, wet can be used as a noun.” when Janus was about to open his mouth, Logan held a finger up to shush him, “In this context it isn’t used in that way, but it still counts for something, because the definition of it, used as a noun, implies anything that can make something wet, is ultimately wet on its own.”
Janus rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair. “Words change meaning based on the way they’re used. If we use wet in its most commonly used context, we will ultimately reach the conclusion that water is not wet.”
This made Logan smirk. “Well, if you intend to bring semantics into this debate, I could easily retort by saying, that water is wet, because as it is used, being wet could simply be synonymous with making something else wet. Water is for instance wet to the human touch.”
Janus tutted. “That makes water’s assumed wetness rely on its relation to other things, not itself.”
“Most states, rely on something’s relation to something else!” Logan said, “Is this a discussion about the origin of language, or is this a matter of physics? Because when the sentence is phrased so vaguely it’s hard to have one without the other, which makes it impossible to answer the question properly!”
There was silence in the room for a little, as Janus sipped from his wine. He looked at Logan. “You were the one who seemed so certain the mere notion that water is anything other than wet was…” he mocked Logan’s voice, “Ridiculous! Because of course water is wet!”
Logan groaned. “If you wanted me to be able to give a good answer, you should’ve given a more specific statement. Is water in its liquid form? What is the definition we are using in this context? What makes a surface? Who concludes whether or not something is wet? Can we truly tell, that something is on its own wet, without somehow observing it making something else wet, and can we truly observe if water makes itself wet or not?”
Janus was silent for a moment, his mouth gaping slightly. Then he smiled. “Well look who is getting all philosophical on me now.”
Logan adjusted his glasses. “I am merely remarking that there are limits to our powers of observation. Though logically speaking, we can conclude some things based on previous ones, and this is not something that would necessarily be brought into the argument if you had simply been more specific.”
Janus chuckled. “Now you’re just opening an entirely new discussion. If we can’t trust our powers of observation, how can we conclude that water itself is even real?”
Logan took a deep frustrated breath and closed his eyes. “I get the feeling that your intention of this discussion is not enlightenment, but rather to annoy me.”
“It is what I do best, darling.” Janus said, placing a hand on his own chest. He was silent for a moment, tilting his head to the side and looking away. “And perhaps because you’re the only side in this Thomas, who’s any fun to have a discussion with.”
Logan gasped, and squinted his eyes at Janus. There was a hint of sincerity, Logan thought, though it was often hard to tell with Janus. Then Logan scoffed and smiled. “And you think debating whether water is wet, is the most interesting discussion to have?”
Janus blinked his eyes, and then proceeded to laugh. “You seemed to enjoy yourself just fine.”
Logan huffed, but didn’t disagree. “You’re a challenge to deal with.” he said, raising an eyebrow.
“So are you.” Janus said, smirking. There was a content silence in the air.
“Perhaps I see the points in your argument, but really it seems to depend on how you choose to define words.” Logan added.
“Perhaps it does, but I think mine carries the most commonly accepted universal truths.”
“What does that even-“
“Would you two quiet down!” a voice shouted from another room. It was Roman. “It’s 3am. A prince needs his beauty sleep, and if you two intend to advocate for a healthy sleep schedule you really need to stop this madness!”
Janus and Logan became quiet, and then both Janus and Logan burst out laughing.
“Agree to disagree?” Logan asked.
“Agree to disagree again tomorrow.” Janus stated, and that made Logan smile.
