#draville

[klinefelterrible]

Hermione: *apparates at Luna’s place*

Hermione: hey babygirl

Luna: hello Hermione

Luna: what brings you to me today

Hermione: I was thinking… tea, tessomancy, maybe some fisting?

Luna: alright

Luna: earl grey?

Hermione: you know me so well

Luna: I just made a fresh pot

Hermione: cool

Hermione: I am so… so thirsty

Luna: for sex?

Hermione: for tea

Luna: oh

Hermione: and for sex

Luna: oh!

Hermione: but first, I had the weirdest dream, I need a confirmation from some leaves

Hermione: would you like to help me understand this

Luna: oh

Luna: okay

Luna: this looks like a candle

Luna: or a broken sword maybe

Hermione: oof

Hermione: so that was just a bad dream

Luna: what was it?

Hermione: so hear me out

Hermione: I had a dream that I went to some party and there was Draco and Ron and Harry

Luna: the usual suspects

Hermione: precisely

Hermione: and then I went outside with some cute new guy who made me feel tingle

Luna: sexually

Hermione: I don’t know any other tingles

Luna: sh— please continue

Hermione: and so we went outside and we were chatting about something and next thing I remembered I was putting my foot into his ass and Ronald was choking him with his dick, like deepthroat fucking him

Hermione: and then he died

Luna: Ronald?

Hermione: no, that guy

Luna: oh

Luna: did Ronald kill him?

Hermione: no

Luna: was it from excitement?

Hermione: I don’t think so

Luna: so how did the cute guy die?

Hermione: he flew on his broom and passed out from being drunk and impaled himself on a spiky fence

Luna: that’s harsh

Luna: what does it have to do with you, then?

Hermione: fuck if I know

Hermione: but I have a weird feeling that it wasn’t a dream

Luna: well I was on a party once

Luna: I put my foot into your ass while you sucked Harry’s dick

Luna: then you yelled at Ronald

Luna: you tried to fly a broom but we know how it is with you and brooms

Hermione: fuck you

Hermione: I am good at everything except flying a broom

Luna: yes

Luna: and then you went over to the Malfoys and demanded that you need to be fucked by Her

Hermione: oh no no no no no

Hermione: when was that

Luna: like… Friday?

Hermione: as in two days ago Friday?

Luna: …yes?

Hermione: fuck

Hermione: what the fuck

Hermione: and then what

Luna: Harry went right behind you so they didn’t even wake Narcissa up and you insisted on Harry fucking you until you pass out so uhm

Hermione: what

Luna: well we gave you a Sleepwell potion

Hermione: „we”?

Luna: I was sucking Harry’s dick when Kreacher arrived and just took us to the Manor and—

Hermione: so… let me rephrase it

Hermione: I was so drunk you put your foot in my ass

Luna: yes

Hermione: and then I sucked Harry’s dick

Luna: like any other day

Hermione: where was Draco at this moment

Luna: trying to trick Pansy into leaving Neville out of her sight

Hermione: obviously

Hermione: forget that I asked

Luna: and then he went to suck Blaise’s dick

Luna: in front of everybody

Hermione: classic Draco

Luna: you were sucking Harry’s dick

Hermione: classic Hermione

Hermione: and then what

Luna: then Ronald came to say hi and you were very mean to him for obvious reasons

Hermione: . . .

Luna: and then you said that a broom would probably be a better thing to put between your legs, and so you did

Luna: you’re lucky everyone had a wand so they zapped you with stability spells

Luna: you would be fucking dead as a brick if they didn’t

Hermione: so I, uh

Hermione: made a fool of myself, right?

Luna: not really

Luna: I mean yes, but

Luna: then everyone forgot about you and your drama when Fleur arrived and started a drama and sucked five dicks in a row and then it turned out to be Pansy

Hermione: WHAT

Hermione: what

Hermione: HOW

Luna: she took polyjuice potion

Hermione: obviously

Hermione: but wh—

Hermione: I mean

Hermione: I, uh

Hermione: jesus christ

Luna: yeah

Hermione: what did Neville do

Luna: this poor boy had no idea

Luna: still hasn’t

Hermione: he didn’t see that happen?

Luna: na-ah

Hermione: how?

Luna: first second Draco realised she’s out of the picture, he kidnapped Neville and sucked him dry like a vampire

Hermione: oh

Luna: and then he made him fuck his ass so hard I heard Neville screaming

Luna: everyone heard

Hermione: I should have predicted this

Luna: yes

Hermione: so… *taking off her dress*

Luna: ready for fisting now?

Hermione: yes please *going on all fours on a couch*

Luna: so… were you asleep all Saturday?

Hermione: less talking, more fucking my ass with a fist

Hermione: okay?

Luna: okay

after half hour

Hermione: I could suck a dick right now

Luna: do you want me to call someone or

Hermione: *apparates herself without a word*

Luna: oh

Luna: she’s gone, just like that

Luna: thanks, come again

Luna: *sigh*

Luna: *makes sure there is noone around*

Luna: *licks her hand clean like a cat*

[konnyweasley]

ellloo I’m new

[worldcrawlerhp]

Attention all fic writers!

I have put together a working doc with all the things I've picked up from Brit-Picking over the years and some tidbits of British culture that are important to get right when setting your fics in the UK.

If you follow the link you'll be able to read and feel free to also comment on the doc

- let me know if I've got something wrong or said something that strongly does not apply to another part of the UK

- let me know if you'd like to add something to it - let's collab and get your knowledge in there too :)

- let me know if you'd like more info on any part or would like me to include some other part I haven't thought about

Hope this can be helpful!

Worldcrawler's Guide to BritPicking

Welcome Hello! If you’ve landed here please be aware that everything contained is from my head and my experiences as a Brit and a Britpicke

[ Sections currently include: - Vocab differences - Britishisms & Phrases - Cultural differences & quirks - Alcohol & Pubs - TEA (and a note on coffee) - Regional / Class Accents - The Weather & Small Talk ]

[teenagedirtbagbaby87-blog]

If you are bothered by a ship so bad that you can't stand seeing it at all, filter the tags. It's not my job to make sure you aren't triggered by a ship.

[klinefelterrible]

Hermione: truth or dare

Harry: truth

Hermione: would you suck Neville’s dick?

Harry: immediately

Hermione: why don’t you, then?

Harry: Pansy

Harry: I am not afraid of her but she’ll tell Draco and he is very obsessed about Neville’s dick lately

Harry: and I have never had marriage problems before and I’m sure as hell I don’t want them start over Neville Longbottom’s dick

Hermione: it tastes „divine”

Harry: yes I am very well aware of what my husband says every day thank you very much

[klinefelterrible]

Hermione: except for Ronald Weasley

Hermione: noone ever said „no” to me

Draco: noone ever said „no” to me neither

Pansy: you just don’t listen to „noes”

Draco: because I never hear them

Pansy: Neville told you „no” last Thursday

Draco: I didn’t hear that

Pansy: he said it five times and then he passed out from exhaustion

Draco: he said he loves me

Draco: so I stopped mid-fuck to see what the fuck

Draco: looked into his eyes and boy oh boy that man was gone

Draco: barely breathing

Pansy: he asked you to stop

Draco: no he didn’t

Pansy: I have his memory from the pensieve

Draco: really? I want to see that

Pansy: okay then, let’s fly to our house

~

At the Longbottoms’

Pansy: does anyone fancy a brew?

Draco: *already climbing up the stairs* yeah I am so thirsty

Hermione: Draco!

Neville: *from upstairs* Draco?

Draco: sorry gurls, I have been summoned

Neville: no you weren’t!

Pansy: Draco, get back here

Pansy: NOW

Draco: what for?

Pansy: you are banned from sucking Neville’s dick for a year!

Draco: *gasp*

Draco: *diva faint*

Hermione: that’s too harsh

Pansy: how else will he learn?

Draco: I am dead

Draco: officially dead as… dead person

Draco: horny dead person

Hermione: I could suck your dick right now if it helped somehow

Draco: I am dead and surrounded by sluts

Pansy: I didn’t hear what you said over the kettle

Draco: I am dying young

Draco: terminally ill from the lack of medicine

Pansy: let me guess

Pansy: my husband’s cock

Draco: yessss… please

Pansy: half year then

Pansy: after three months of your best behaviour I can reconsider my decision

Draco: three long months of torture

Hermione: Draco please

Hermione: Ronald refused to fuck my ass for literal years

Draco: you dare comparing your disgusting muggle shitter to my delightful mouth with the deepest throat

Draco: I am surrounded by fools

Pansy: anyway are we doing this or what

Draco: ninety days of not doing this I heard

Pansy: good boy

Pansy: we were supposed to check the pensieve over what happened that day

Draco: again, torture

Draco: I will see myself in my bestest of bestests times of my life only to be reminded that they are gone

Pansy: oh come on

Pansy: stick your face in it, you whore

Hermione: do it and I will finger you

Draco: *lifts his miniskirt, puts face in the pensieve*

Hermione: *sigh, takes the timeturner into her hand*

Pansy: okay

after

Pansy: so as I was saying

Draco: meow

Hermione: I have to stop now

Draco: don’t you dare

Hermione: okay

Pansy: you saw Draco not listening to my husband’s begging, right?

Hermione: I saw him begging

Hermione: jesus christ that was hot

Hermione: I would suck Neville’s dick four times more if there was such an option

Draco: but there isn’t

Hermione: but there isn’t

Hermione: sadly

Draco: I saw this beautiful specimen first

Pansy: actually

Draco: I will be suffering for weeks now

Draco: twelve long weeks without the perfection in my mouth or my ass

Pansy: you have your husband and literally anyone you want

Pansy: three months is a hygienic period for some resting to take place

Draco: three long months

Draco: of nothing

Draco: Granger

Hermione: yes?

Draco: you know what to do

Hermione: oh, yes

Hermione: *throats his dick and fingers his butt until he cums*

Pansy: see? You don’t need Neville to—

Draco: to what

Pansy: to feel good

Hermione: that was only a little bit of appetiser

Hermione: like a tiny, salty cracker before a brobdingnagian feast

Draco: yes

Draco: I came in her cumhole and I felt ecstatic

Draco: but we all know what it is that I need

Hermione: I will go to the toilet

Pansy: over there

Hermione: okay

Pansy: Draco, listen

Pansy: you will appreciate him more

Pansy: after those… two and a half months

Draco: two

Draco: I will suffer two months

Draco: you will experience my best behaviour for two months

Draco: please, Pans

Pansy: okay, alright

Pansy: two months, starting from today

Draco: yesterday!

Pansy: *sigh* okay

Draco: I need to leave the premises

Pansy: you don’t need to leave th—

Pansy: I made us some tea

Draco: *sips his tea* great tea

Hermione: I’m back

Draco: what took you so long

Hermione: I had to let one out

Draco: fucking slutwhore

Hermione: *sigh*

Draco: drink your tea and take me home

Draco: your home

Draco: I can’t go home like this

Hermione: like what

Draco: like this

Draco: humiliated by my best friends

Draco: separated with my sweetest lollipop

Draco: we have to go, my mascara is going down my face

Hermione: no it isn’t

Pansy: you look the same as usual

Hermione: perfect

Draco: I need to get out of this house

Draco: thank you for the tea, Pansy, you’re a gem

Hermione: can we use your floo—

Pansy: why do you even ask

Hermione: I’m a polite—

Draco: come, whore, we’re leaving

Hermione: —person…

Pansy: bye, guys!

~

At the Hermione’s apartment

Hermione: now get on your knees, you dumb whore

Draco: what’s going on

Hermione: I stole Neville’s hair from a hairbrush

Draco: are you sure it’s his

Hermione: we will see, won’t we?

Draco: what are you waiting for?

Draco: bring the polyjuice potion!

Hermione: I have it on me, be patient!

Draco: NOW

Hermione: you either shut the fuck up or I’m fucking you lazy and not very nice

Draco: *sigh*

Hermione: *drinks polyjuice potion, becomes Neville*

Draco: oh my fucking god you’re gorgeous

Hermione: close your eyes and show me how you make my dick disappear

Draco: yes, sir

Draco: *starts licking that rod*

Hermione: what is it about me that you love so much?

Draco: glg glg glg

Hermione: that’s what I thought

[ladyxdarcy-pleasefollownewblog]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Neville Longbottom/Draco Malfoy, Hannah Abbott/Neville Longbottom Characters: Draco Malfoy, Neville Longbottom, Hannah Abbott Additional Tags: Healer Draco Malfoy, Professor Neville Longbottom, Mean Hannah Abbott, Slight Hannah Abbott bashing, Only for the story, She's really a nice girl, Sorry Hannnah, Idiots in Love, Boys In Love, Falling In Love, BAMF Neville Longbottom, Not Epilogue Compliant Series: Part 2 of From the Unwritten Summary:

A “scene” from an Unwritten story. Draco, desperate to put the past behind him, has become a healer at St Mungo’s. Driven by his own past evils, he has been attempting to find a cure for the incurable dark magic inflicted upon some of its patients, primarily those suffering under the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. He hadn’t expected in being caught, nor could he ever have expected falling for the man who caught him; Neville Longbottom.

[keyflight790]

Dirty Drabble

"Is this some sort of payback? It's fucked up," Neville spat as the black rattlesnakes coiled tightly around his wrists, pinning him to the chair. Draco licked his lips as he watched the naked man struggle in front of him. "You deserve it," Draco smirked, his eyes alight. "After all, your Venomous Tentacula left marks on my back for days." "You loved it," Neville laughed, as the snakes rattle matched the beat of his racing heart. "Trust me, you'll love this too," Draco winked before kneeling down and taking the hard cock into his mouth. "Mmm, I'm sure I will."