babydaddy!rafe who’s been in love with you way before any of this started. back when you were just friends, back when you kept him at arm’s length, because he knew even then you were it for him.
babydaddy!rafe who never tried for a relationship with you, even though it killed him a little, because he knew you saw the worst parts of him, and he couldn’t blame you for not wanting that.
babydaddy!rafe who bought an 8 ct, square cut diamond ring set in gold the same week you told him you were pregnant, didn’t even hesitate. just walked into the store and said, “i need the best one you got.” and he didn’t even ask you right away, just kept it on him, waiting for the right moment, or maybe for you to be ready. but will test the waters casually, making little comments, like “when you’re my wife..”
babydaddy!rafe who didn’t even hesitate when you told him you were pregnant. he was ecstatic, jumping off the walls like this was the best news he's heard in his life, and it was for him. there was nothing that would make him second guess, just him pulling you into him, hands steady on your face. “we’re gonna be the best parents.”
babydaddy!rafe who wanted that baby more than anything the second he knew it was yours and his, like something in his life finally made sense.
babydaddy!rafe who went from late nights at the country club, drunk and reckless, to being the one making sure you were okay every second of the day. and he cleaned himself up for you, not overnight, and nothing near perfect but enough that you could see the difference, feel the effort, and truly just trust him.
babydaddy!rafe who goes to every appointment, even the small ones, sitting there a little stiff and nervous but never missing a thing, making sure the baby is healthy and growing.
babydaddy!rafe who makes sure you’re always comfortable, always taken care of, buying anything and everything you need to make sure you don’t ever feel an ounce of pain or stress, like it’s non negotiable. so when you wake up with morning sickness, he’s always at your side holding your hair back, rubbing small circles on your back “there you go baby, let it all out” he says with that morning voice, you always go weak for. and you never know how he can always be there even for the grosser moments, but you never question him, cause in his mind, taking care of you is not optional, it’s just what he does.
babydaddy!rafe who never lets you go hungry, always showing up with food before you even realize you need it. “you gotta eat my love, for her.”
babydaddy!rafe who rests his hand on your stomach all the time when you’re pregnant, like he needs to feel her there, needs the reminder that this is real. even in public, every slither of a chance he gets, his hands find your stomach, and he’s proud of it, like he wants everyone to see.
babydaddy!rafe who talks to your belly when he thinks you’re asleep, low voice, softer than anyone’s ever heard it. “hey baby, daddy’s right here.”
babydaddy!rafe who buys everything for the baby before she’s even here, overpreparing like crazy but acting like it’s no big deal. “just making sure she’s good.”
babydaddy!rafe who absolutely is infatuated with when your bump starts showing, eyes on you like yeah, that’s my family.
babydaddy!rafe who doesn’t just see you as “baby momma” he hates that term for you, actually. in his head, you’ve always been more.
babydaddy!rafe who understands that you’re not scared of commitment, you’re scared of ending up like your parents, and it softens him every time he thinks about it. he reassures you without forcing it, “you’re not them… you’re gonna be the best mom, you hear me?” and maybe the advice was more for him than it was for you.
babydaddy!rafe who doesn’t let himself think about ward. he doesn’t allow himself to have negative thoughts about if he’ll be like him, because he knows he’ll be a better father than he ever was, he’ll show your kids what real parental love is.
babydaddy!rafe who lets your friends sarah, kie, cleo, come by whenever you want, but always catches them at the door first, always asking them to keep your emotions at bay. “don’t stress her out, yeah? she’s been anxious.” he doesn’t realize you hear that sometimes, and it makes your chest ache a little, in a good way
babydaddy!rafe who works his ass off at cameron developments, longer hours, more focus, because he refuses to let you or your daughter ever worry about money. And tells you straight up, “you don’t gotta work ever again, if you don’t want to,” but never takes your independence away, just wants you safe, and to know he’s got you.
babydaddy!rafe who keeps that ring tucked away, still waiting, and hoping, even after the baby comes.
Babydaddy!rafe who after you decided on the name ‘aurora’, already gave her the nickname ‘ro’ calling her nothing but that.
babydaddy!rafe who is obsessed over your daughter, ro, the second she’s born, holding her like she’s the most fragile, important thing in the world, like she’s everything he’s ever done right.
babydaddy!rafe who looks at you differently after you have his child, like there’s this deeper respect for you, a deeper appreciation for being able to grow and create one of the most precious things in the world to him.
babydaddy!rafe who won’t let just anyone hold her, hovering close, watching every movement like he’s ready to step in if needed.
babydaddy!rafe who keeps one hand on you and one on the baby when you’re all together, like he needs to be connected to both of you at all times.
babydaddy!rafe who refuses to let you do late night shifts with ro. and complains when he catches you with her, telling you you need your sleep. but when he’s there he’s always pacing the room with her against his chest, whispering to calm her down when she’s crying
babydaddy!rafe who doesn’t just want to be your baby daddy, he wants to be your husband, wants to be your family, your forever. because when he thinks of his endgame, it always involved you, and he’s patient enough to wait for you to believe in that too.
babydaddy!rafe who’s mid convo with you on the beach, half focused on helping ro with her sandcastle, when she quietly goes “dada” and he just freezes. like fully pauses, looks at you, then back at her. “huh?” he leans closer, brows furrowed, like he needs confirmation. “say that again, ro.” and when she does? yeah he’s a mess.
babydaddy!rafe who lets out this disbelieving laugh, shaking his head like he didn’t expect it to hit him that hard, already scooping her up into his arms without even thinking. spinning her around, laughing, a little overwhelmed, a little emotional, not even trying to hide it. “you hear her? you hear that?” looking at you like this is the best thing that’s ever happened to him.
babydaddy!rafe who keeps repeating “she said dada” under his breath like he’s trying to process it, pressing kisses all over her face, completely gone.
babydaddy!rafe who loves getting pictures from your girls days when she’s older, bubble teas, shopping bags, aurora smiling in your arms, staring at them longer than he’d ever admit. looking at those pictures and thinking, that’s my whole world right there.babydaddy!rafe who is obsessed with being a girl dad, like completely letting ro paint his nails, sitting there patiently while she concentrates, wiggling his fingers after like, “how’s it look, baby?”
babydaddy!rafe who learned how to cook for you and ro, not just basic stuff either, actual high level meals, and still insists the best nights are when the two of you are in the kitchen together while ro sits on the counter ‘helping.’
babydaddy!rafe who’s back at the country club all the time again, but it’s different now. just him carrying ro’s bag, watching her practice like it’s the most important job he’s ever had.
babydaddy!rafe who takes her golf so seriously, because to him, she’s the most talented kid on the planet, waking up early with her, running drills, fixing her stance, but always reminding her, “have fun with it, yeah? that’s what matters.”
babydaddy!rafe who gets this proud, almost emotional look watching her compete, especially when she’s out there holding her own against boys twice her size and winning. and cannot shut up when ro becomes one of the first and youngest standout woman golfer in the Outer Banks, telling anyone who’ll listen, “yeah, that’s my daughter.”
babydaddy!rafe who loves how competitive she is, but even more how humble she stays, seeing so much of both of you in her.
babydaddy!rafe who ends up out with topper and kelce one night after a big win, emotions running high, and for the first time in years, he drinks. But he’s messy or reckless anymore, just soft, a little glassy eyed, leaning back in his chair talking about you and ro like they hung the moon. and keeps mumbling sappy shit like, “i don’t even know how i got this lucky. like, that’s my wife, and that’s my kid” shaking his head like he still can’t believe it. and doesn’t even realize topper is recording him, catching every word before sending it straight to you.
babydaddy!rafe who wakes up the next morning slightly embarrassed, but when you bring it up, smiling like that? yeah, he doesn’t even try to deny it.
babydaddy!rafe who has grown closer to Sarah over the years, actually putting in effort, showing up, trying to rebuild something real between them, because he realizes family really is the most important thing in the world. gets more comfortable around John B too, especially with the kids around, like they’ve both matured into something steadier.
babydaddy!rafe who watches ro run around with the other kids, then looks at you, softer than ever, like this is what he was always meant to have.
babydaddy!rafe who still looks at you the same way he did when you were younger, but now there’s no uncertainty in it. just love, pride, and something permanent.
babydaddy!rafe who finally puts that 8ct ring to use and turns into husband!rafe.
bsf!rafe who’s known you since you started at kook academy, back when everything was easier, when he didn’t know how to grieve his mom, didn’t know how to process his dad, didn’t know how to handle any of it, but somehow he always knew you’d be in his corner.
bsf!rafe who would show up at your place at 2am more times than either of you can count, barely holding it together, and you never once turned him away. he let himself fall apart in front of you in ways he never would with anyone else. his head in your lap, your fingers running through his hair while he tried to pretend he was fine.
bsf!rafe who chased everything trying to feel something, trying to fill that empty void, from alcohol to drugs, to throwing his money on stupid shit, like an expensive bike, or a new yacht. but all he really needed to ever feel okay was someone who would just choose him, like you always did.
bsf!rafe who only lets you drive his porsche 911. he won’t even hand the keys to kelce or topper but tosses them to you without hesitation. “I trust you” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.
bsf!rafe who buys you anything without making a big deal out of it. bags, jewelry, little things you mentioned once in conversation, and shrugs it off with, “money doesn’t mean shit when it comes to you.”
bsf!rafe who knows everything about you without trying. your coffee order, your favorite songs, the exact perfume you wear, and swears he notices immediately when something’s off.
bsf!rafe who gets that quiet, irritated look when people ask if you’re his girlfriend, “nah, just my best friend” but something about it never sits right with him anymore.
bsf!rafe who almost lost it on topper for talking about you like that, stepping in before he could even finish his sentence. “watch your fucking mouth.” he tells topper, inches away from his face, making topper fall back, with his hands up
bsf!rafe who can’t stand seeing you with other guys, and acts off the second you mention a date, going quieter, shorter with his words. “he good enough for you?” but doesn’t know what to call the feeling, he just knows it makes his chest tighten and his mood flip instantly.
bsf!rafe who knows that if he calls, you’ll come, no matter where you are, no matter who you’re with, and there’s something about that that both comforts him and absolutely messes with his head.
bsf!rafe who leans a little too close sometimes, lets his hand linger a second too long, says things that toe the line, but doesn’t want to ruin what you have, but at the same time, the idea of someone else having you? yeah, no that’s not something he can ignore much longer.
bsf!rafe who has a spare key to your place, so he doesn’t knock when he comes over, he just walks in like it’s his place, calling your name until he finds you.
bsf!rafe who has a spot in your room that’s basically his at this point, so whenever you’re with other friends in your apartment they know not to touch or be in ‘rafes spot’
bsf!rafe who steals your food without asking but will absolutely buy you whatever you want five minutes later.
bsf!rafe who will call you for the silliest things like what shirt he should wear or what he should eat, because your opinion just matters the most.
bsf!rafe who lets you mess with his hair, his rings, his watch collection. stuff he wouldn’t let anyone else touch without a second thought.
bsf!rafe who has inside jokes with you that literally no one else understands, and the two of you will be laughing while everyone else is confused.
bsf!rafe who lets you wear his hoodies and never asks for them back knowing you look better in them anyway, even though he’ll complain about it every time. “you’ve got like five of ‘em.”
bsf!rafe who texts you “you busy?” but not for anything serious, just because he’s bored and wants to annoy you.
bsf!rafe who will defend you instantly, no hesitation, even if he doesn’t fully know what’s going on yet.
bsf!rafe who will absolutely argue with you over the dumbest things, then be over it five minutes later like nothing happened.
bsf!rafe who trusts you with things he doesn’t tell anyone else, even when he doesn’t say it out loud.
bsf!rafe who keeps a photobooth picture of you and him in his wallet that you put in there as a joke one night. and he refuses to take it out because, ‘that’s his girl’
bsf!rafe who will sit through things he absolutely hates just because you like them, movies, shopping, whatever, complaining the whole time but never actually thinking of leaving. but when it comes to the victoria secret runs, oh how he wishes he could be in the dressing room with you.
bsf!rafe who has a different tone when he talks to you compared to everyone else. It’s softer and less guarded, even if he doesn’t realize it.
bsf!rafe who started calling you “princess” as a joke because you were such a spoiled brat, always getting your way, always a little dramatic, but then it just stuck.
bsf!rafe who says it so casually now, like it’s second nature. “relax, princess,” “c’mon, princess,” but there’s never any real malice behind it.
bsf!rafe who lowkey enables it too, even while teasing you about it, rolling his eyes as he hands you what you want anyway. “for the spoiled princess.”
bsf!rafe who’s the only one who can get away with calling you that without it sounding condescending, because coming from him it just feels familiar, and yours.
bsf!rafe who’ll mumble “such a princess” under his breath when you complain about something minor, but there’s a small smirk on his face every time. but would absolutely get angry if anyone else tried to call you that, though. that’s his thing.
bsf!rafe who notices you don’t correct him, and honestly don’t even react to it half the time, and something about that makes him say it more. and he’ll say it when you’re upset too, quieter like, “hey..don’t do that princess,” like it’s his way of grounding you without making it too sentimental.
bsf!rafe who in the end, doesn’t even realize when it started, the way he looks at you, the way he needs you, the way he’s always thinking about you every time, but somewhere along the way, you stopped being just his best friend.
what if your best friend rafe walks in on you pleasuring yourself, and takes offence because why use a toy when you can use him instead? mdni 18+
"fuck, yess" you moan, the vibrator on the third level, as you push it in and out of your very wet cunt. all you can think about is rafe, his big biceps holding him up, as he's leaning over you pounding in and out of you. his silver chain dangling in your face, as small droplets of sweat develop on his forehead.
"you like that?" he asks you as he leans back, bringing your legs up against his chest as his mouth falls open. his eyes dark as they watch you in bliss as your eyes roll back in pleasure. "oh i love it" you respond breathy, and teary eyed.
each of your moans, sending him closer and closer to his own high. "this pretty pussy is gonna make me cum" he says, and you lift your legs up off his chest, wrapping them around his waist as you pull him down, body flush against yours. you grab his face, placing a kiss on his lips. "cum inside me then" you say against his lips, and that was all he needed before he-
"y/n?" you hear, and you immediately scramble to cover yourself with your blanket your small day dream interruptedly over. "shit" you mutter to yourself, cheeks hot and red of embarrassment, while the one and only rafe is staring right at your blanket covered body with wide eyes.
“um, what the fuck are you doing?” he asks, but he obviously knows since he stood there long enough to contemplate stopping you, loving the small show you were putting on. you open your mouth, then close it again. “i uh nothing. i was just-”
“nothing?” he repeats, stepping fully inside, shutting the door behind him a little too quickly, out of habit, considering you live alone. your face burns, “rafe, don’t, just forget it, okay? just get out!” you say loudly. but your words are falling on deaf ears.
his eyes flick down despite you kicking him out, then snap back up to your face. that’s when you notice it. the way his eyes are glossy and almost glazed over with want, the way he’s shifting uncomfortable, like his pants are tight. “you’re using a toy?” he says, almost in disbelief, like that’s the part he’s stuck on. “what?” you asked confused as to why he would even care. you’re just friends you thought, right? “why do you even care?” you ask avoiding his question.
he lets out a short laugh, shaking his head. “why do i…are you serious right now?” you frown, still clutching the blanket. “i’m serious. why are you here?”
“i have a key,” he says immediately. “you forgot?” you roll your eyes, irritation cutting through the embarrassment. “yeah, well, i’m regretting that right about now.” “yeah?” he mutters, stepping closer. “that so?”
“rafe, get out,” you say again, firmer this time, but it only makes things worse. instead of leaving, he walks over and sits on the edge of your bed, like this isn’t the most humiliating moment of your life. your eyes widen as you instinctively back up, heart racing. “what are you doing?” you ask, in a small panic. “you’re kicking me out,” he says, “but you weren’t exactly shy a second ago.”
“oh my fucking- shut up” you groan, even more mortified. “can you not?”
“what?” he tilts his head, watching your reaction. “you think i didn’t see you thrusting your vibrator in and out of that very wet pussy of yours?” the way he asks that, sends a pulse straight down your legs. “y-you weren’t supposed to!” you snap, your grip tightening on the blanket, trying now to let him know how aroused you are for him right now. “yeah,” he mutters, “i got that.”
there’s a pause as he leans forward slightly, forearms resting on his thighs. “that thing,” he says, nodding vaguely, “that’s what you want?” you blink, thrown off. “what are you even talking about?” he drags a hand over his face, like he’s trying to collect himself. “i’m saying, you’re in here, by yourself, when you don’t have to be.” you lightly gasp at that, never in a million years thinking those would be the words coming out of his mouth.
“rafe..” you start, but you don’t even know what you want to say. he leans in just a little closer, close enough to make your heart beat out your chest. “you really think i’d rather you use that instead of me?” your mind goes blank.
“wh-why would-” you start, but the way his eyes darken at the thought, his tongue licking his lips like he’s devouring you in his mind, makes you lose all train of thought. yet you not answering cretas a filthy suggesting in his own mind, like something just clicked,
you literally watch it happen in real time, the teasing smirk changing from something seductive to, a lightbulb turning on. “wait,” he says quietly. “no” you cut him off, “you were,” he cuts in, eyes narrowing slightly. “weren’t you?” you shake your head too quickly. “no.” but your voice is so unsure, it answered the question for him.
a slow breath leaves him as realization settles in. “jesus,” he mutters under his breath, dragging a hand down his face before looking back at you differently now. “you were getting off, thinking about me.” he says, not even as a question anymore.
you stay silent as the room feels like it’s getting smaller on you. he leans in closer, not touching you yet, but close enough you think he can hear how loud your heart is beating. “that’s why you want me to leave?” he murmurs.
you’ve become so unequivocally shy, you don’t even trust your voice anymore. but in this moment you want rafe so bad, too bad, so you nod. the corner of his mouth twitches up, while he lets a low exhale escape. he draggs a hand through his hair, for the fifthteenth time in shock, like he doesn’t know what to do with this new information, as if he’s not consumed by how much he suddenly wants you. “you have no idea what you just-” he starts, but you cut him off before he can finish.
“just shut up and kiss me already,” you say, your eyes locked on his. his gaze flickers between your eyes and your lips, tension snapping between you. that’s all it takes.
whatever restraint he had left is gone as he closes the distance, one hand coming up to your face, the other bracing against the bed as he pulls you into him. the kiss is everything that’s been building crashing together at once, and suddenly the embarrassment, the awkwardness, all of it fades away.
“show me what you want me to do to you” he asks against your lips, his hand drops from your face to pull and push away the blanket covering your half naked body. he breaks the kiss to stare you down, as you begin do fully undress, and holy fuck did he love every moment of this. “you have too many clothes on” you smirk looking back at him, as you move closer towards him. he’s so mesmerized by the bounce of your perky plump breasts. “she’s not so shy now is she?” he teases.
you roll your eyes, as you place light kisses, sucking and nibbling on his neck a little, as you begin to pull his white tee off his body, revealing his beautiful chest. you disconnect from his neck, and watch as his hands shoot up to caress your breasts, each one getting separate attention.
you mouth fall a little open, a small moan escaping your lips, “fuck you’re too mesmerizing like this” he says to you. you swing your leg over, straddling him, “am i?” you tease. you push his chest so he’s laying flat on your bed, as you press soft kisses against his chest, slowly making your way down, until you reach the waistband on his light colored grey sweatpants. his bulge exposing how turned on he is. you look up at him, his eyes watching every move you make, his head slightly tilting back, already so drunk of lust.
you hook your finger on the waistband of his sweats pulling it down, his hips slowly raising to help you, and you run your hands over his compressed cock. wanting to tease him as pay back for him walking in on you. you stick your tongue out as you drag your tongue over his cock covered by his boxers. “fuck y/n” he moans “don’t tease me like this” he pleads with you.
you smirk up at him, enjoying the way his breath hitches as you drag your tongue along the outline of his cock through the thin fabric. his boxers are already damp with precum, and you can feel him twitch under your touch.
"oh, i think you deserve a little teasing," you mutter against him, your breath hot. your fingers curl under the waistband of his boxers this time, pulling them down just enough to free him. he's thick, cock angry already leaking.
god, is he fucking perfect, just like you imagined it.
you wet your lips, making sure he watches, before pressing a soft kiss to the tip. his hips jerk involuntarily, and he curses under his breath, his hand tangling in your hair just holding, cause he knows he needs to grab onto something or he’ll absolutely collapse under you. "y/n," he growls, his voice wrecked. "don’t fucking play with me, please" he begs this time. you feel yourself wetter at the sounds of his begging for you.
but you love playing with him. so you wrap your lips around him, taking him deeper, and he groans, his head falling back. "oh fuck, just like that." his grip tightens slightly, just enough to let you know he’s losing control.
you glance up through your lashes, watching his jaw tighten as you swirl your tongue around the head of his cock, savoring the way his thighs tremble when you suck lightly. his fingers flex in your hair. "holy fuck," he rasps, his breathing getting heavier through his strangled moans, "you look so fucking pretty like this."
you hum around him, the vibration pulling another broken moan from his lips. his hips buck slightly, chasing the heat of your mouth, but you pull back just enough to tease, dragging your lips along his length with a slow, wet kiss. "rafe baby" you mumble against his skin, "you taste so good."
he lets out a sharp breath, his grip tightening just a fraction. "yeah? then stop fucking torturing me and take me all the way." oh boy do you love a challenge. with a smirk, you sink down, taking him deeper until he hits the back of your throat and his groan is so fucking filthy, echoing in the quiet bedroom.
"fuck just like that," he grits out, his fingers threading tighter in your hair. "don’t stop." and you don’t. because seeing rafe unravel like this, for you? worth every second of teasing. his breaths keep coming ragged, as you continue to messily take him. your lips warm and wet from the saliva.
his hand lets go of your hair as he fists the sheets, hips twitching fighting to not roughly fuck your mouth. "you’re gonna kill me," he chokes out, his abs flexing as he watches you with half lidded eyes. you pull off with a wet pop, grinning up at him as you swipe your thumb over the tip, spreading his precum. "thought you wanted to replace my toy, not just watch." you remind him, sucking your thumb of his precum.
his nostrils flare, a muscle ticking in his jaw, as he watches you suck your finger. he then pulls you up towards him, before he flips you onto your back, caging you beneath him. his mouth crashes into your, so hungry, tasting himself on your tongue.
"oh, i’ll replace it," he says against your lips, "but i’m not letting you call the shots anymore."
and then his hand finally slips between your thighs, and you shutter with a gasp as his warm fingers play with your sensitive clit. “oh yes, rafe’ you softly moan. "say it again," he growls, dragging his fingers through your slick lips. "say my name like that when i’m inside you."
his smirk is predatory as he hovers over you, the silver chain dangling against your collarbone, the weight of it cool against your heated skin. one hand pins your wrist above your head while the other teases lower, fingertips tracing circles that make your back arch off the mattress.
“this what you were thinkin’ bout?” he aks against your ear, fingers moving in a faster motion. “me? playing with this pretty pussy like this?” you whimper, nails digging into his shoulder as he adds a second finger, pushing both fingers deep inside, curling them just so fucking right, the way only he would know how. your hips jerk up, chasing the friction, slowing his movements to a torturous pace.
“nuhuh” he mutters, nipping at your earlobe. “you wanted to teast me right? now i get to play.” he says, his head lowering to your breasts. his mouth engulfing your right nipple, as he flicks his tongue in up and down motions, swirling and nibbling at it.
his thumb swirls against your clit, and you swear you see stars. “tell me” he demands, face now between your breasts, tone dark with want, need even. “tell me what you were imagining earlier”
you let out another whimper, annoyed this time as his fingers withdraw completely, leaving you achingly empty. “please” you manage to say. “words princess, use your words” he says, as he gets up, on his knees hovering over your body. quickly fully taking off his boxers, you watch him jerk his own cock, as those ocean eyes lustfully gaze down at you, and you swear the sight alone could make you cum right now.
he pushes lifts your legs, widening them as he lines his throbbing cock with your cunt. he rubs the tip slowly, against your clit, to your entrance, only letting the smallest amount in, still awaiting your answer. “you wanted me to fuck you?” he asks, his pace getting agonizingly slower the longer you don’t answer. “say it” he says.
the small stretch burns in such a good way, “yes” you moan out as he no longer cares for the answer, needing you as bad as you need him, sinking his cock deeper into you. your thighs tremble, as he pulls out and repeats the motion, finding a new depth everytime. he pauses for a second, like he heard your answer delayed, so engulfed in the fact that he’s really about to fuck his best friend. “yeah?” he questions. and you glare up at him. “yes rafe, fuck me. i want you to fuck me so hard i can’t walk after.” you say, an attitude appearing.
his grin is wicked. "since you asked so nicely." he teases, kissing your ankle that’s up by his head, as he fully thrusts into you, a loud moan escaping both your lips as your tight cunt takes all of him, gripping his cock. “fuuck, you’re taking me so well” he says breathless. “like it was fuckin’ made for me” he says running his free hand across his face, in disbelief of the feeling, pure bliss.
you were getting closer. so much closer. you could feel the heat coiling at the base of your spine, ready to snap with just a few more strokes. but rafe has other ideas, suddenly pulling out with a low groan. like he himself hates the disconnect . “no! why-” you start, but he grabs your waist, turning you over, pushing you onto your stomach with a firm hand, cutting off your protest. "on your knees," he instructs, yanking your hips up. your stomach sinks with anticipation and nervousness.
you obey, rising to your knees, thighs trembling. his hands skim up your sides, then he leans forward, his mouth close to your ear. "you trust me, baby?" he asks, voice rasp.
you nod. “good” he says with a smirk. his hand cups your chin, turning your head to meet his gaze. “but i need words. you trust me?” you lick your lips outta nervousness nodding with a light “yes rafe.”
his thumb brushes your lower lip before he releases your chin, trailing his hand down your spine in a slow, possessive stroke. "then let me show you," he says, gripping your hips tight as he thrusts his cock into you, harder this time. your breath catches as he fills you completely, the stretch bordering on painful, giving him more access than the last position. “so deep rafe” you moan.
he doesn’t move at first, letting you adjust, his chest pressed against your back as he drops rough kisses along your shoulder. "breathe," he coaxes, and you exhale shakily, your body relaxing into him. then he pulls out, almost all the way. you still hadn’t fully adjusted to the length or his size. you nails dig into your sheets, “rafe” you lightly warned.
“i got you” he promises, before slamming back into you. you cry out, pleasure sparking, as he sets a brutally fast pace, each thrust driving you deeper into the mattress. his hands dig into your hips so hard you know you’ll bruise. but you know he’s doing it to mark you. and the thought makes you clench even tighter around him.
“this what you wanted?” he grits out breathy his voice wanting to sound possessive and dominant, but it betrays him with the moan that follows, “me..” he slows out, the feeling of your cunt squeezing him become a vulnerable mess. “me fucking you like this? taking what’s mine?
you also can barely even form words, that same orgasm you were chasing earlier creeping up with every pounding thrust. he hits that sweet spot that makes your vision blur, eyes rolling so far back you’re not sure how your eyes don’t fall out of your head. he chuckles, but it’s so dark and villanous sounding. “yeah you’re all fucking mine. say it” he demands.
you’re too far gone to resist, to make any fully conscious decisions at this point. you’d even say yes to marriage if he’d ask you right now. “i’m yours” you say raspy, uncontrollably. “i’m all yours” you repeat. he rewards you with a thrust so deep you see stars, his teeth sinking into your shoulder as he also chases it, chases that moment when you both shatter for each other.
you cum first, clenching him so tightly, as his cock feels your cunt throbbing. you let out a moan so loud it comes off as a scream, “rafe, ugh fuck!” you let out, hands gripping the sheets your knuckles turn white, hips still grinding on him, as you twitch.
rafe swears he’s never seen or heard something more beautiful than this moment, watching you come undone for him. your ass grinding on him matched with your screams of his name was enough to send him over the edge, he goes to pull out, but your hands fly to his hips as you lean back. “cum inside me” you tell him, “please cum inside me” you beg.
his gaze snaps to yours. it’s darkened, the intensity there making your heart beat faster. he seems almost shocked, like he didn’t expect you to say that, to ask for that. “oh you’ve fucking ruined me” he growls. but he’s cut off by his cum covering your walls, “fuck y/n” he moans. “shit baby” he says, hands still on your hips, but he softens his touch as he falls lighty onto of you. not wanting to pull out.
his hips roll forward again, slower now, drawing out the last waves of pleasure as he fills you completely. a shudder runs through him, and you can feel his pulse where your bodies are joined.
he exhales sharply through his nose, shaking his head like he's trying to clear it. then, with sudden purpose, he turns your head towards him, and captures your lips in a kiss that's softer than before, filled with way more passion, not just hunger. when he pulls back, his forehead rests against yours, eyes closed.
"i’m serious, you’ve ruined me," he whispers, thumb tracing your cheekbone. like he just found something precious, but also found what could destroy him. you unfortunately move up, his cock falling out of you, as you turn to face him completely.
but the way he looks at you you'll never forget it. his gaze is longingly and so soft, what was once dark and filled with lust has completely changed, now raw and vulnerable.
for a moment, neither of you speak. the silence seems to stretch on forever, until he runs a hand over your cheek, "that really happened," he mutters. "regrets?" you tease, though your voice is shaky and nervous now. he jokingly glares at you, but there’s no real bite to it. only his lazy satisfied smirk you know way too well. “yeah, should’ve walked in on you sooner.” he says
you laugh, swatting his chest. he catches your wrist, pulling you closer against him until you’re curled into his side. his fingers trace idle patterns on your hip, his heartbeat steady under your ear.
“next time, skip the toy and send me a text or something” he teases, pressing a kiss to your forehead. you glance up at him, a smirk on your lips now, “make me" you say. his laugh is undeniably dangerous,
exboyfriend!rafe who refuses to call you his ex, like the word itself pisses him off, jaw tightening anytime someone says it, muttering a quiet “that’s not my ex” under his breath like it’s a correction, but won’t explain what you are either.
exboyfriend!rafe who gets territorial the second he sees you with another guy. he doesn’t make a scene in front of you, but give him ten minutes? and yeah, he’s following that guy outside.
exboyfriend!rafe who corners them when they’re alone, voice calm in that scary way “promise you, she’s mine.” with a slight tilt of his head, “so i’d back off if i were you.” and he makes sure they don’t text you again, and when he comes back, you’re left staring at your phone like “why does this keep happening?”
exboyfriend!rafe who watches your confusion from a distance, a little satisfied because in his mind, no one else gets access to you.
exboyfriend!rafe who is always on your instagram liking your pictures within seconds, like he has your post notifications on, commenting things like, “mine.” “you’d look better in my bed.” and you’d delete that one immediately.
exboyfriend!rafe who smirks to himself every single time you delete his comments and still does it again on the next post like it’s a game between you, because you didn’t block him or ignore it, and that’s enough for him
exboyfriend!rafe who texts you at 3 in the morning like clockwork
rafe: you up? and he already knows you are, knows you’ll stare at it for a minute before answering anyway, because no matter how hard you try to ignore him, you don’t. not really anyway.
exboyfriend!rafe who smirks at his phone when you finally text back, like ‘there’s my girl’.
exboyfriend!rafe who pulls you right back into him so easily it’s almost embarrassing. one little conversation, one look, one “come here” or “i miss you” and suddenly you’re right back where you said you’d never be again, like you never left in the first place .
exboyfriend!rafe who gets under your skin like no one else. he knows exactly what to say, what buttons to push, how to make you fold. but if you look at him and say “leave,” he'll hesitate for half a second, then actually listen
exboyfriend!rafe who you did break up with for a reason, all the fighting, his constant jealousy, or the way he never knew when to stop, but honestly none of that really made you stop wanting him. you just kept listening to outside noise.
exboyfriend!rafe who is completely, unhealthily infatuated with you, like you’re not something he can lose, you’re something he just doesn’t let go of, just something temporarily out of reach.
exboyfriend!rafe who shows up uninvited sometimes, leaning against his car like it’s nothing, eyes scanning until they land on you, “get in." like you didn’t spend weeks trying to stay away from him, and he doesn’t even question it when you hesitate, just tilts his head slightly, knowing look on his face, “you’re still thinkin’ about it, aren’t you?”
exboyfriend!rafe who hears from your friends that they’re telling you to stay away from him, and just laughs under his breath, “yeah? how’s that workin’ for them so far?”
exboyfriend!rafe who knows you’re tired of the cycle, and sees it in the way you hesitate more, or how you pull away faster. but instead of letting you go, he just pulls you in harder.
exboyfriend!rafe who will never admit it out loud, but the idea of you being truly done with him? that’s the only thing that actually scares him, because he knows he’s the worst thing for you, the one person you know you should stay away from, but can't possibly fathom not having you anymore.
exboyfriend!rafe who knows exactly what he’s doing, and knows you’re not strong enough to stop it either.
exboyfriend!rafe who watches your stories like it’s his job, every single one, immediately, even when you post something random just to see if he will, but he always does. and he’ll reply to them sometimes too, “that for me?” like you didn’t post it for everyone, like it’s still just between you and him
exboyfriend!rafe who gets under your skin on purpose, saying just enough to irritate you, to pull a reaction out of you, because he’d rather you be mad at him than ignore him completely, and every time you do, it feeds that obsession even more
exboyfriend!rafe who notices when you try to move on for real. the way you stop answering, or showing up, and that’s when he gets the worst, the most persistent, like he refuses to be replaced, like it personally offends him like the idea of you with someone else doesn’t even register as real
exboyfriend!rafe who always stands a little too close when he’s near you, always finding a way to touch you, even if it’s small, your wrist, your hand, the small of your back, like he’s reminding both of you that he still can, like distance isn’t something he respects when it comes to you
exboyfriend!rafe who lowers his voice when he talks to you in public, like it’s instinct, like whatever this is should still feel private
exboyfriend!rafe who doesn’t verbally beg for you back, he’s too proud for that, but everything else he does says the opposite
exboyfriend!rafe who softens for a split second sometimes, when it’s just you and him, like the version of him you fell for is still there, and that’s what makes it harder to leave
exboyfriend!rafe who still knows your body like muscle memory, like nothing’s changed, like he never had to relearn a single thing about you.
exboyfriend!rafe who gets a little rougher than he should sometimes, not in a careless way, but in that pent up, frustrated way, like all the tension between you has nowhere else to go
exboyfriend!rafe who always pauses for half a second, checking your reaction, always making sure you’re enjoying it just as much as he always is.
exboyfriend!rafe who still gets that same look when you touch him first, slight surprise, then that slow smirk, like he knew you’d fold eventually
exboyfriend!rafe who always lingers after he fucks you senselessly, longer than he should, like neither of you want to acknowledge what just happened
exboyfriend!rafe who can't help but moan your name, whispering sweet nothings in your ear that make you not want to ever pull away, "you'll always be fucking mine" "no one will ever make you feel as good as i do" and the worst part is, you know he's right.
exboyfriend!rafe who doesn’t rush it anymore, he takes his time, slowly teasing you, feeling your entire body, kissing every sweet spot on your neck and thighs, like he’s savoring it more because he doesn’t technically have you anymore
exboyfriend!rafe who hates that you have that kind of control over him, but at the same time? it’s exactly why he’s so hooked on you
exboyfriend!rafe who melts the second you give him even a little bit of attention, like all that attitude, all that control just, drops when it comes to you
exboyfriend!rafe who would burn everything down for you, but still waits on your word before he does anything
exboyfriend!rafe who acts like he owns you in private, with that usual cocky tone, but the second you pull back or say his name a certain way? yeah, he’s the one adjusting, not you
exboyfriend!rafe who knows you better than anyone, your moods, your limits, your tells, and uses it to his advantage, but also lets you use it against him just as easily
exboyfriend!rafe who is completely, undeniably obsessed with you, but still looks at you like you’re the one holding all the power anyway.
an: sorry, i love the jealous, possesive, toxic trope
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who noticed you the first time you walked into the room with sarah. your laugh soft, with that twinkle in your eyes. the second sarah caught him looking, her expression shut down instantly, a quiet, sharp “no.” like she already knew exactly where his mind was going.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who actually listens to sarah at first. keeping his distance, barely looking at you, forcing himself to treat you like just another one of her friends, but it doesn’t last, because every time you’re around, his attention drifts right back to you like it’s a magnetic pull.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who starts with those subtle glances again, quick at first, then slower, heavier, and you always catch them, always hold his gaze just long enough to make his jaw tighten, but your glance is of annoyance, knowing his reputation.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who talks about you like it’s nothing to topper and kelce, brushing it off, but your name comes up a little too often, his tone just slightly different, gaze a little love struck enough for them to notice.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who finds reasons to be in the same space as you, walking into rooms you and sarah are in, leaning in the doorways, making annoying comments on the things you're both doing, or hovering just enough to get your attention without making it obvious.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who realizes real quick you don’t treat him like everyone else does, rolling your eyes, brushing past him, muttering a quiet “fuck off, Rafe” when he blocks your path, and instead of backing off, it only makes him push more, his forbidden fruit.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who tests the line constantly by standing too close in empty hallways, letting his hand brush yours, watching you carefully like he’s waiting for you to pull away, and noticing when you don’t.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who ends up alone with you one time and doesn’t move out of your way, head tilted, smirk slow, “you’re different when sarah’s not around.” and something about the way you don’t deny it? yeah, that’s where it clicks for him.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who somehow gets your number and starts texting you, casual at first like it’s the most insignificant thing in the world, then with purpose and he sees the exact moment you stop pretending you’re not interested, and he steals the opportunity with quickness.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who corners you in the kitchen when the house is quiet, voice low, stepping into your space like he’s been waiting for this “i know what you’re doing, right” a small tilt of his head, “what do you mean?” you reply. his eyes flicking to your lips, “this little game” and when you don’t walk away, his lips find yours, closing the distance.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who who wasn’t supposed to cross that line, but now that he has, there’s is absolutely no going back. he keeps it secret at first, saying things like a quiet “come here,” slipping you down hallways and into his room, the door shutting quick behind you like second nature.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who always keeps one ear out for footsteps, but still lingers, still keeps you close a second longer than he should, like he physically can’t help it.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who, right before you leave his room, grabs your wrist and pulls you back in for one more second, forehead resting against yours, “you’re trouble,” he mutters, and when you whisper, “you started it,” he just smirks satisfied “oh and i’m not stoppin’ sweetheart.”
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who tries to fix your hair before you leave, straightens your clothes, with a low voice right by your ear, “you’re fine baby, just act normal.” like he didn’t just make that impossible, like that ‘baby’ didn’t just make you weak at the knees.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who acts like nothing’s happening in front of everyone, barely looks at you but somehow, you both always disappear at the same time at parties, reappearing minutes later like nothing happened, and no one suspects it, because you act like you hate him in front of people.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who actually catches you staring at him across the room and doesn’t look away this time, just smirks knowingly. later, when he finally gets you alone, he leans in close, voice low “keep lookin’ at me like that in front of everyone, and see what happens.”
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who thrives off the secrecy of it. the risk of it all, the way you both have to listen for doors opening, or voices getting too close. and the way you come back flustered every single time, rambling excuses.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who brushes past you in a crowded room, fingers grazing your lower back just enough to make your stomach flutter, and without even looking at you, he mutters, “meet me upstairs in five.” and the worst part? you always go.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who watches you text the groupchat, “can’t today, next time!” while you’re sitting right next to him, and that smug little smirk settles, with that proud pit in his stomach like he’s saying ‘yeah, she chose me.’
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who overhears some assholes at the country club talking about how they want to hook up with you, and has to control himself from becoming his old reckless self again. but smirks saying “i think she’s taken” with a shrug
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who texts you while you’re sitting right next to sarah with no shame, phone buzzing in your hand,
rafe: you look prettyand when you glance up, he’s already watching you, eyes low, leaning back like nothing’s wrong
you: you’re gonna get us caughtrafe: that’s the the risk of the game
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who tells himself it’s just a fling at first, you’re just sneaking around, or it’s just something to pass time. but he keeps coming back, he keeps pulling you aside, he keeps wanting more than just a few minutes, and even a few minutes to him isn’t becoming enough anymore.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who gets irritated when you pull away, questioning what you’re doing. his jaw’s tight, voice lowering out of hurt and annoyance, “you’re still here, aren’t you?” like that alone proves you feel it too.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who starts blurring the lines without even realizing. spending more time and longer nights together. the moments becoming more intimate until you both realize it’s not just a fling anymore.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who shows up to your house one night with hibiscus flowers, because you briefly mentioned once you liked them. acting like it’s the most normal thing, given your ‘situation’ but he’s watching your reaction a little too closely for it to just be nothing.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who starts taking you out, but always somewhere off the obx, on the mainland, somewhere no one will recognize you, no chance of it getting back to sarah, or any of your other friends.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who is still cocky and a little dangerous, but softer with you in ways he doesn’t even realize, like it just natural.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who loves when you start soft launching him on instagram, with pictures like your hand in his, or his chain, or his shoulder, but never his face. just enough to have people asking questions, and people, including sarah asked many questions.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who overhears people talking about your ‘mystery man’ and just leans back, smirking to himself, because they have no idea it’s him, the one person it shouldn’t be.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who kinda treats it like a game, sneaking around, and he loves how long you both get away with it.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who starts getting more careless over time, holding onto you a little longer, looking at you a little too openly, sending winks your way, like he’s slowly caring less about who finds out.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who realizes he’s in too deep when it stops feeling like a game and starts feeling like he wants it to be his normal, like he doesn’t just want secret moments anymore, he wants all of it, he wants people to know you’re his.
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who gets a little jealous when someone’s talking to you too long, stepping in casually, arm brushing yours, “she’s busy,” he says smoothly, eyes not leaving yours, then quieter, just to you, “or you forgot that?”
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who doesn’t care he’s just did that in a crowd of people, “are you fucking insane?” you ask him, shocked he would defend you like that so publicly, he leans down to your ear, his lips almost brushing your skin, “pretty girl i dont give a fuck who’s watchin’ anymore.”
bsfriendsbrother!rafe who knows you’re hesitant because of sarah. he knows that once she finds out all hell will break loose. she’ll be angry about the line you crossed the second you let him even touch you. but would rather deal with sarah’s anger, than pretend he doesn’t want you and everything that entails you anymore.
possessive!bf!rafe who adores it when you wear those tiny, slutty outfits. but the second someone even glances your way, his jaw tightens and his hand is on your lower back pulling you closer like he’s saying, yeah, she’s mine.
possessive!bf!rafe who always has to be touching you in public, with his hand wrapped around yours, fingers hooked into your belt loop, arm draped over your shoulders like he physically cannot stand the idea of there being an ounce of space between you.
possessive!bf!rafe who calls you “my girl” in that low voice of his, especially around other people, like he needs it to be known.
possessive!bf!rafe who gets a little smug when you instinctively lean into him, like yeah, you know exactly where you belong.
possessive!bf!rafe who pretends to be annoyed when you tease him, but the second you wander even a few steps away, he’s watching you like a hawk until you’re back near him.
possessive!bf!rafe who doesn’t like when other guys make you laugh too much, suddenly pulling you into his side with a tight grip and muttering something like, “you’re funny, but not that funny.”
possessive!bf!rafe who acts like he’s in control to others, when you both know he’s at his knees for your every want and need.
possessive!bf!rafe who goes quiet instead of loud when he’s jealous, jaw clenched, eyes locked on whoever’s looking at you a second too long, then suddenly you’re being pulled into his chest, his hand gripping your hip just a little too tight.
possessive!bf!rafe who tilts your chin back toward him mid convo if your attention drifts too long somewhere else, thumb pressing just enough for you to feel it. “focus.” his hand on your thigh under the table, thumb brushing higher and higher just to remind you he’s there
possessive!bf!rafe who gets that dangerous little smirk when someone flirts with you, like he almost wants them to keep going just so he has a reason to step in.
possessive!bf!rafe who leans in close to your ear when he’s jealous, voice low and controlled, but there’s an edge to it: “you done entertaining him?”
possessive!bf!rafe who doesn’t like when you’re out without him for too long, not in an obvious way, but your phone lights up with his name more than usual in short texts like “you good?” “where are you now?” “send me your location”
possessive!bf!rafe who keeps things you’ve left behind, hair ties, lip gloss, any random little thing and doesn’t even realize it’s weird, just likes having pieces of you around when you’re not there.
possessive!bf!rafe who watches your reactions more than anything. what makes you laugh, what makes you blush, what gets your attention, and if someone else manages to get that out of you? he doesn’t let it happen twice.
possessive!bf!rafe who doesn’t ask for reassurance, but you can tell when he needs it by the way he hovers closer, the way his touch lingers longer than usual, like he’s silently asking you to remind him. and he softens instantly when you reassure him without him having to ask.
possessive!bf!rafe who gets this dark, satisfied look when you choose him in front of other people, like it feeds something in him he doesn’t fully understand.
possessive!bf!rafe who doesn’t just want to be your boyfriend, or husband one day. he wants to be the only person you instinctively turn to, the only one you rely on, the only one you would ever need. he’s fixated on you, in every sense of the word. the way you talk, the way you move, the way you look at him, like it’s all his favorite thing to study.
wondering about how rafe became your baby daddy, when you never even wanted to have kids right now, let alone with someone who was supposed to be nothing more than your best friend.
you kept staring at yourself in the mirror, turning side to side to make sure you liked the way this maroon dress hugged your body. “no, we have to go” rafe says as he watches you almost convince yourself it’s not the right dress. “but i feel like it’s-” he cuts you off. “y/n nah, you look great, let’s go.” he says in passing, like he’s trying to encourage you enough to go, but not really even paying attention.
your friendship with rafe had always kinda been like that. easy, in the way that you felt like it could be too easy. you’d been best friends for years at this point. you knew him better than most, saw past the stories, the girls, the reputation he had. and because of that, you never once looked at him like that. never questioned the way his eyes lingered a second too long, or the way his voice softened when it was just the two of you. to you, that was just rafe keeping up his flirt and unserious persona. it was a friendship were you felt like you didn’t need any boundaries, and maybe that was the start of all of your problems to come.
but everyone else saw it differently. especially topper and kelce, they never let him forget it, always throwing comments his way when you weren’t looking. little smirks, quiet jokes about how obvious it was, how he’d been stuck on you longer than he’d ever admit. rafe always brushed it off, played it cool, acted like it wasn’t real. but they knew, the way his attention always found you, the way he always cared more than necessary, oh they knew.
so when you showed up to sarah and john b’s wedding together, no one thought twice about it. you weren’t exactly his ‘date’ but you might as well have been. you arrived together, stood together, laughed together. it was normal, the way it had always been. just dressed up, a little more polished than usual, but still the same you and rafe everyone knew, always side by side without reason.
the night passed on, music loud with everyone dancing and laughing, drinks being chugged as conversations flowed, and sarah and john b looked like such a perfect couple. in the way that anyway with eyes could tell. you stuck close to rafe without realizing it, your arm brushing his, your laughter leaning into him, your conversations always circling back to each other. every time you looked over, he was already looking at you. every time someone pulled you away, he found his way back. like habit.
and somewhere along the way, the drinks caught up to both of you. everything felt amplified, your thoughts, your reactions, the space between you. what once felt normal started to feel different, so different.
you ended up stepping away from the reception for a moment, needing air, the noise too much, your head too light. and of course, he followed you. “you good?” rafe asks. you nod, leaning lightly against the railing, a small laugh slipping out. “yeah. just needed a second.”
he stood beside you, close enough that you can feel the heat off him. neither of you say anything at first, the air filling with a sort of feeling you weren’t use to feeling.
then outta nowhere, “you ever think about us?” he asks. your brows knit instantly, a soft laugh leaving you, thinking he must be so ridiculously drunk. “rafe, be serious.”
but he doesn’t laugh, and that’s what makes your head almost snap, to look at him properly. because there’s something there you’ve never let yourself notice before. something that’s been sitting between the lines for a long time. “i am,” he says quietly,“you’re drunk.” you quickly try to blow him off.
“yeah well, so are you,” he replies. and there it is again, that heavy tension, only getting thicker. and it doesn’t help that it feels like he just got closer, or that his gaze constantly drops to your lips, and lazily glances back up, or maybe that you’re alone away from everyone else.
“this is a bad idea,” you say, turning to face him, knowing what you both are burning to do in this moment. he nods. “fuckin’ terrible idea.” he responds only leaning closer, and neither of you move away.
his agreement barely settles between you before it clicks. your eyes flicker to his lips, just for a second, and that’s all it takes. his hand comes up first, brushing against your jaw like he’s giving you time to pull away, like he’s waiting for you to stop it, because only god know’s how bad he’s been waiting for this to happen.
“tell me to stop, tell me i shouldn’t” he whispers, almost strained, his forehead nearly brushing yours now. but you don’t, and you should, you know damn well you should. but the alcohol in your system, with the way he’s looking at you, the way everything suddenly feels so euphorically different, drowns out every bit of logic you have left.
his lips meet yours, slow at first, but then something changes in him, hungry and impatient, it’s like something he’s been holding back for way too long finally snapping loose. your breath catches instantly, your hand gripping at the front of his shirt without even thinking, pulling him closer like you need him there, like there’s no space left between you that feels right anymore.
and he moves with that. one hand sliding from your jaw to the back of your neck, the other settling firm at your waist, keeping you still against him as the kiss deepens, like he’s trying to memorize you all at once.
it’s overwhelming, because the way he’s kissing you isn’t casual, or careless, it’s so intentional for him. not just a drunk mistake, it never was gonna be. you feel that, in the way he tilts his head, in the way his grip tightens just slightly when you respond, in the quiet breath he lets out against your lips when you lean into him instead of away. and that’s the worst part, you’re not pulling back at all, but instead matching him, and fuck is this everything he needs.
your fingers slide up into his hair, holding him there, your body pressing closer without even realizing it, like something in you has been waiting for this too, you just never let yourself see it.
the world around you fades out completely, the music and voices, none of it exists anymore. it’s just you, rafe, and this moment, and how completely weird it should feel, kissing your best friend, but it feel so right at the same time.
you pull away so suddenly it almost knocks the air out of both of you. your chest is rising and falling too fast, your head spinning, not just from the alcohol anymore, but from this. from what just happened. from what you just let happen.
“come on,” you say breathlessly, not even giving him time to respond before your hand grabs his. he doesn’t even question it, just follows. you’re already moving, slipping back inside, weaving through people like nothing’s wrong, like you’re not seconds away from possibly running your friendship.
your grip on him is tight, pulling him along behind you as you head toward the stairs. you don’t look back once, like your body just took over. and you don’t notice the way kelce’s eyes catch the whole thing from across the room, how his brows lift slightly, a knowing look settling on his face almost immediately.
by the time you reach the bridesmaids’ room upstairs, your heart is pounding. you push the door open quickly, pulling him inside with you before shutting it just as fast, the click of the lock loud in the quiet room.
for a second you both just stand there, like reality is finally catching up to you, but it doesn’t. because the second he looks at you again, with those needy eyes, whatever restraint you had left, whatever restraint was barely holding on, snaps completely. “you sure about this?” he asks, but there’s barely any space between the words and him stepping closer.
you don’t even answer, already pulling him back in, taking a few steps back, so you both fall onto the bed, and any last bit of objection leaves as the kiss hits harder, as faster. your hands find him immediately, gripping at his shirt, pulling him closer like you can’t get enough, like space between you suddenly feels unbearable.
his hands are on you just as quick, deepening the kiss. it’s so messy and heated, like you’re horny teenagers and not thinking adults.
you began unbuttoning his shirt, while he unzipped your dress. his eyes darkened seeing your exposed body. you tossed the dress onto the chair by the door, reaching to undo the belt on his pants, he helped you, none of you wanted to break the kiss.
it was like a switch had flicked, his grip on you growing tight. his lips moved down, kissing your jaw, your neck, your shoulder, and then biting gently into the crook of your neck right where he knows you like it, and you gasped softly, but quickly tried to recover, trying not to give away how badly he affects you. it was like he was trying to memorize every inch of you, like he was scared to forget. his hand slid down, gripping your thigh, pulling you tighter against him.
he could feel the way your chest pressed against his, how your breathing grew more shallow against his skin, and it drove him crazy, wanting to make you lose that control you were holding onto so desperately. his fingers dug into the skin on your thigh, his lips moving along your collarbone hungrily, like this was the only thing he’s ever wanted. he loved the way your body responded to his touch, the soft gasps that escaped your lips with every move he made.
“oh rafe” you moaned. his lips curved against your skin at the sound of his name on your lips so broken and desperate. his voice was darkly amused, as he dragged his teeth over your pulse point. "yeah? that all you got?" his hand slid higher, squeezing, as if he wanted to pull every damn sound from you. and the worst part? you’d let him.
his smirk was downright sinful as he watched you unravel beneath him. "fuck, that’s pretty," he growled, his breath hot against your ear. his free hand tangled in your hair, tilting your head back just enough to catch the way your lips parted, the way your chest rose and fell too fast.
his mouth crashed back onto yours, swallowing your next moan whole. like nothing else existed, just him, his hands, and the reckless way he was tearing down every last shred of your control. and neither of you cared.
you barely register anything after that, just small flashes of the night, the way everything blurs together too fast to hold onto. the heat of him, the way your hands can’t seem to stay still, the quiet, breathless moans that fill the room between deep thrusts that never seemed to stop. it’s all rushed and reckless, like neither of you wants to think long enough to second guess it. like if you slow down even for a second, reality might catch up and ruin it.
and then it all fades, as if it was a dream you were waking up from. your last clear memory is the way his hand finds your body, after you both reach your high, pulling you into his embrace, like he can’t let go. he places a kiss to your forehead as yours eyes flutter asleep.
—
the weeks after the wedding didn’t feel real.
everything felt off. not just with rafe, though that alone was enough to throw you, but with yourself. your body felt different in ways you couldn’t even explain. you brushed it off at first. blamed it on the alcohol from that night, or the lack of sleep, the way your thoughts kept circling back to something you weren’t even remotely close to unpacking. because thinking about it, about him, and about the way you let yourself fall into that moment made your chest tighten in a way you didn’t like.
you hadn’t really talked to him since. though he texted the morning after, something simple.
rafe: hey
rafe: you okay y/n?
and you answered just as casually.
you: yeah, i’m fine.
but after that? every time he tried to see you, you found a reason not to.
you: sorry, busy
you: can’t tonight
you: rain check?
you kept it light, like nothing had changed, while also avoiding him completely. and of course, he noticed. but for once, he didn’t push the way he usually would. just let the distance grow, even if it was clearly eating at him. you tried not to think about that either.
“okay, but be honest,” katherine says, shifting on the couch beside you, her legs tucked under her as she eyes you over the rim of her glass. “do you regret it?” you hesitate before answering.
the tv plays quietly in the background, a dramatic scene from the pitt, but neither of you are paying attention anymore. your fingers trace mindless patterns along the side of your cup, your water long forgotten.
“i don’t know,” you admit finally, your voice quieter than before. “like, in the moment? no. not at all.” you shake your head slightly, like you’re trying to make sense of it yourself. “but now? everything’s just so weird. i don’t even know how to look at him anymore.”
katherine hums, tilting her head. “well, yeah. i mean, you slept with your best friend.” you groan, dropping your head back against the couch. “please, don’t say it like that.” you plead. “how am i supposed to say it?” she laughs lightly. “you guys have been attached at the hip for years and then just, boom.”
“okay, shut up,” you say to her, but there’s no real bite to it. it seems like she actually did stop talking, but you lift your head to look at her, she looks like she’s thinking hard about it, then without avail, “what if you’re pregnant?” your face drops almost immediately.
“katherine.” you say so sternly, with a blank face. she blinks, then slowly starts to grin. “i’m just saying-”
“no,” you cut her off immediately, a nervous laugh slipping out. “no, that’s so not funny.” but she doesn’t drop it. “okay, but think about it,” she continues, sitting up straighter now, eyes narrowing slightly as she looks at you. “you’ve been saying you feel weird for like, what a week now?” your stomach twists in a way that makes you feel like you can instantly vomit.
“that doesn’t mean anything,” you say quickly. “but doesn’t it?” she presses. “did you miss your-” your lips form a tight line, as you go quiet. fuck, you thought. “…oh my god,” she breathes. “no way,” you shake your head, but it’s weaker sounding this time. “no, i’ve just been stressed-”
“y/n.” your chest tighetns, knowing there is some type of validity to what she’s saying, but you're trying to think of every single possible outcome for it not to be true. but now that she’s said it, you can’t unthink it. all the times you’ve felt the exhaustion. the random waves of nausea you brushed off. the way your body hasn’t felt like yours lately. the dates you didn’t bother keeping track of because you were too busy avoiding everything else. “oh my god,” you whisper, the words barely leaving your lips.
“okay,” katherine says immediately, already standing and grabbing her keys. “we’re going to the store. right now.” the drive feels like it lasts five minutes and five hours at the same time.
you barely remember walking through the aisles, grabbing not one, but three tests, just in case you thought, because there’s no way one is enough for something like this. your hands are shaking by the time you get back to her apartment, your thoughts loud and messy and spiraling in every direction you don’t want them to go.
“hey,” katherine says softly, placing a hand on your arm before you disappear into the bathroom, already knowing the thoughts flying through your head. “we don’t know anything yet. okay?” you nod, appreciative of her comforting you at a time like this, but at this point you think nothing can help.
the next few minutes feel like pure torture. sitting on the edge of the tub, staring at nothing, your heart pounding so hard it feels like it might burst out of your chest. katherine’s pacing just outside the door, giving you space but staying close enough that you’re not alone.
and then the timer on your phone finally goes off, and you feel your mouth dry, and eyes wide. you slowly reach for the first one, and check. then you check the second, and then the third. and tears start to well up, “kat..” you call out, your voice breaking slightly. she’s in the doorway instantly. “what? what happened?” you try to speak but can’t, handing her the sticks.
her face falls instantly, three tests and they all came out positive. the room feels like it’s closing in on you. your hands start to shake, as your vision blurs before you even realize you’re crying. it hits you all at once, the weight of it, the reality of it, the fact that this isn’t just some abstract fear anymore. “i can’t-” your voice cracks, and you shake your head, tears spilling over faster now. “i can’t do this, kat. i’m only twenty five bro, i’m not old enough, this wasn’t-”
she’s beside you immediately, pulling you into her arms as you break down. “i’m not even with him,” you sob out. “we’re not together, we’re not anything, this was a mistake, it was one night-” your chest heaves as the words tumble out, panic setting in deeper with every second. “and it’s rafe,” you whisper, like saying his name makes it more real. “out of everyone, it had to be him-”
it’s not rafe the person that makes you doubt this, its more so the baggage that he brings with him. you know him through and through, know his anger issues, how any small thing ticks him off to oblivion. you know how impulsive, and deranged he could be sometimes, how he’ll drink himself to death, with you having to be the one he drunk calls to pick him up, and it doesn’t stop you from being his friends, because you’ve always be in his corner, but raising a child? that’s a whole different ball park.
katherine holds you tighter, her hand rubbing soothing circles on your back as you cry into her shoulder. “we’ll figure it out,” she says softly against your hair. “okay? you’re not alone in this.”
but all you can think about is rafe, and how everything just changed in a way neither one of you can take back.
-
the knock throws you off completely. you hadn’t really been expecting to see anyone these past two days. you’ve barely moved from the couch, the same blanket wrapped around you, with your phone face down on the table because you can’t even bring yourself to look at it.
another knock, makes you frown slightly, pushing yourself up, your body heavy as you make your way to the door. when you peek through the peephole, your stomach drops. “shit,” you mutter under your breath.
rafe. just the person you couldn’t bring yourself to speak to. you hesitate for a second, your hand hovering over the handle, debating if you should even open it. but he knocks again, a little more urgent this time, and you know he’s not leaving. so you opened the door. “what are you-”
“i’m so fuckin’ sorry.” he cuts you off immediately, the words tumbling out of him fast and messy, like he’s been thinking about it for weeks. “i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have- i didn’t mean to, i mean i did, but not like that, not if it was gonna-” he exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair, pacing once like he doesn’t even know where to stand. “i don’t wanna mess this up with you, alright? i don’t wanna ruin us. we can just-” he gestures vaguely between you, almost desperate, “we can just forget about that night. pretend it didn’t happen.”
your lips form a tight line. “i don’t think-” you try to speak, but rafe continues, “because i’d rather have you like this than not at all, i swear,” he keeps going, not even noticing how quiet you’ve gotten. “we don’t have to make it weird, we don’t have to-”
“we can’t rafe.” you say louder, trying to take him out of this rambling state he’s got himself in, and he finally stops. “what?” he asks, brows pulling together like he didn’t hear you right. you swallow, your throat dry. “we can’t,” you repeat, quieter this time. he lets out a short breath, shaking his head slightly, already dismissing it. “yeah, we can. it’s not that big of a-”
“i’m pregnant.”
that hits him so much he freezes. he just stands there, completely still. his mouth parts slightly, like he’s about to say something, but nothing comes out. then it closes, and opens again.
“what?” you don’t answer right away. you just step back, leaving the door open as you walk back into your apartment. you sink back onto the couch like your body can’t hold you up anymore.
he subconsciously follows you in, shutting the door behind him, still processing. “what?.” he repeats, quieter this time, like maybe the word will make more sense the second time around. “i’m pregnant,” you say again, staring straight ahead. “i um, i took three tests. they were all positive.”
he runs a hand over his face, then the back of his neck, pacing once like his brain is trying to catch up to what you just said. “okay..” he mutters under his breath. “okay, shit, wait, okay.” the shock doesn’t fully leave his face, but you never thought you’d see him react in that way. like a sort of smile?
“you’re pregnant,” he repeats, this time like he’s trying to convince himself. you’re pregnant, with his kid, your kid, y’alls kid. you watch it click in him, and before he can even think to try and hide it, there’s a flicker of excitement in his expression. a breath leaves him, shaky but not in the way you feel. “holy shit..” he says.
and you feel even worse, because this? isn’t how you’re feeling in the slightest. rafe finally looks up at you, and everything in him, the prior excitement, the smile, the realization drops, instantly. because you look nothing like he does. your eyes are puffy, and red from crying. your face drained, like you haven’t slept. you look small on that couch, wrapped up in yourself like you’re trying to disappear from it all. like this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.
“hey,” he says, softer now,, like he’s stepping into something fragile. “hey-” you shake your head slightly, tears already building again. “i can’t do this, rafe,” you whisper.
and just like that, whatever excitement started to bloom in him gets replaced, because now he gets it. this isn’t the same for you. rafe moves closer to comfort you, engulfing you in his chest. even when you quiet down, and the room isn’t filled with your crying anymore, his thumb keeps brushing over your knuckles. “i’m gonna fix my shit.” he says after a moment of silence. you blink, caught off guard. “what?”
“my shit,” he repeats, sitting back a little but still holding onto you. “the drinking, the whatever the hell you’ve seen me do that made you think i couldn’t handle this? i’m done with it.” you stare at him, trying to read if this is just rafe talking or if he actually means it, and he notices that. “i’m serious,” he says, sharper this time. “i’m not bringin’ a kid into that. i’m not-” he cuts himself off, exhaling. “i’m not gonna be that guy.”
“that doesn’t happen overnight,” you say quietly, like you don’t even know what to do with that. “i know but, you don’t have to worry about anything,” he continues, leaning forward a little. “money, a place, whatever it is, you don’t have to stress about that. i got you. i’ve always had you.” your brows pull together slightly. “that’s a lot to just say, you know.”
“i know it is,” he nods. “i’m still sayin’ it.” but his next sentence surprises you, like it’s the most obvious solution in the world, “move in with me.” your head tilts back a little. “you’re actually insane.”
“i’m not insane,” he scoffs lightly. “i’m thinkin’ ahead.”
“rafe, that’s- no, that’s a huge step,” you shake your head, overwhelmed again. “we’re not even-”
“i know what we are,” he cuts in, a little firmer. “and i know what we’re not. but we got a kid on the way now, y/n. i’m not gonna have you sittin’ here alone, stressin’ yourself out in this apartment while i’m somewhere else, i wanna be near my kid, so that’s not how this is gonna go.” you swallow, your emotions creeping back up again. “you’re just saying that because you feel like you have to.”
his expression hardens slightly, like he’s irritated you’d even think that, especially about him, knowing him how you do. “no, i’m not.”
“yes, you are,” you push, your voice wavering. “you feel responsible, and now you’re trying to fix everything at once-”
“i am responsible,” he snaps, half angry, but halfly trying to take accountability. “that’s the point. but don’t sit there and act like this is some obligation to me. like i’m just, steppin’ up because i have no other choice.”
you go quiet, because there’s this sense of honesty in his voice that doesn’t sound forced or fake. “then why?” you ask, softer now. “why are you acting like this?” he lets out a bitter laugh, dragging his hand over his face before looking back at you, something frustrated and vulnerable sitting right under the surface. “you really don’t see it, do you?”
your brows knit. “see what?” he lets out a disbelieving sigh. “jesus, you’re killin’ me right now.” he says. “rafe, what are you-”
“i’m in love with you.”
it comes out blunt, in a way he never though he’d admit it, especially not today, and especially not after finding out he was gonna be a father. you freeze completely, as he shakes his head slightly, like he’s almost annoyed it even got to this point. “i’ve been in love with you,” he continues, “for years. and you’re sittin’ here actin’ like this is just some random shit to me, like i don’t care who it is, like i’d be doin’ this for just anyone.” your lips part, but nothing comes out.
“everyone else saw it,” he goes on, running a hand through his hair. “kelce wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, topper used to give me shit every time you walked into a room-” he lets out a breath, shaking his head. “you’re the only one who didn’t notice.”
“i don’t even know if you’re being serious” you whisper, your heart racing now for a completely different reason. “i’m very fuckin’ serious,” he says, his eyes locked on yours. “this isn’t just about the baby for me. it’s you too. it’s always been you.”
your chest rises and falls slowly as you try to process it. because now that he’s saying it, you can see it. all of it, from the longing gazes, to the way he always got softer with you, how close he used to stay near you whenever you were together. how annoyed he’d get when anyone would try and flirt with you, always saying “he’s a piece of shit, pick a better one” not knowing the ‘better one’ was always him. “i thought you were just,” you trail off, letting out a small, shaky breath. “being you.”
“yeah,” he huffs lightly. “well, that’s the problem. i was being me, but not like that. not with you.” you look down for a second at your hands you didn’t realize were intertwined this whole time, your fingers tightening slightly around his.
“i didn’t let myself think about it,” you admit quietly. he stills. “really?” you shake your head a little, like you’re trying to find the right words. “because if i did, it would’ve changed everything. and i didn’t wanna lose what we had.” he softens, “so you just ignored it?” he asks. you nod faintly. “yeah.”
“there were moments,” you admit, your voice quieter now. “where it didn’t feel like just friendship. where it felt like more.” you swallow, your eyes flicking back up to his. “i just never let myself think twice of it.” rafe stares at you like that just knocked the air out of him.
“you’re serious?” he asks, softer now. you nod slightly. “i didn’t know what to do with it.” a breath leaves him, almost like relief mixed with disbelief. “jesus fuck” he mutters under his breath, a small, almost incredulous smile pulling at his lips. “all this time” you let out a weak, emotional laugh, shaking your head. “yeah.”
rafe’s hand tightens around yours again, his expression grounding back into something more serious. “then let me do this right,” he says, his voice steady now. “let me be there for you. for real. not just halfway, or how we used to but, actually there. i want to be your problem solver”
you look at him, your eyes still a little glassy, “i really don’t wanna screw this up,” he adds, quieter. “i don’t wanna be like my dad. i don’t want our kid growin’ up in some messed up broken home where shit’s always unstable.”
“i don’t want that either, you admit. “so don’t run from me, please,” he says, in pleading honesty. “don’t shut me out like you been doin’.” he finishes. “i was just scared,” you say. “i know,” he nods. “but you don’t gotta be scared of me.” your eyes search his face. “this is a lot, rafe.”
“i know it is,” he says again. “we’ll take it slow if that’s what you need. but you’re not doin’ this alone, alright? i’m right here.” your fingers squeeze his a little tighter. “you’re not leaving if things get hard,” you ask, vulnerable.
rafe hates that he can't be with you when you need him the most.
it’s been months since the last time you saw rafe, and it was slowly eating at you. these two weeks he was home didn’t even feel like enough. they never did honestly, but this time it was worse, because it felt like time was moving faster than it should’ve.
in a way that made everything else feel temporary. like waking up next to him every morning, his arm heavy over your waist, his face buried into your neck like he hadn’t seen you in years, even though it had only been months, felt too natural.
“you’re not gettin’ up yet,” he muttered one morning, his voice still thick with sleep as you tried to slide out from under him. you laughed softly, prying at his arm. “rafe, i have to”
“no,” he cut you off, tightening his hold, dragging you back against him. “five more minutes.”
“you said that twenty minutes ago.” you answered with a giggle. “yeah,” he lightly shrugged, pressing a lazy kiss to your shoulder. “and i meant it then too.” you rolled your eyes, but you didn’t fight him again, but you never really did anyway.
and it was like that the whole time he was home, just so easy to be around and comfortable, like he never leaves you for months on end. he’d follow you around the house like he had nothing better to do, leaning in doorways just watching you, or coming up behind you just to wrap his arms around your waist.
“you’re starin’,” you teased once, turning your head to catch him already looking. he didn’t even deny it, just shrugged slightly, stepping closer. “yeah. so?”
“so it’s weird.”
“no it’s not,” he muttered, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. “it’s my house. my wife. i’ll look if i want.” your cheeks warmed, even after all this time.
“you’re so annoying.”
“yeah?” he smirked a little. “you love it.” and you didn’t rebuttal, because of course you did.
and at night it was like all that tension between you both finally snapped, and neither of you could get enough of each other. his hands were all over you, like he was drunk, reminding himself that you’re his, you’re there and real, and actually under him, with him.
“missed this,” he’d breathe against your skin, movements so slow like he’s savoring the moment. “yeah?” you whispered back, fingers tangled in his hair. “don’t play with me,” he muttered, gripping your thigh tighter. “you know i did.” he growled.
so when he left again, it felt wrong, and so much worse than usual, and you didn’t know why. it was like your body was holding the trauma, and it’s not catching up to the fact that it’s just you, alone, in a house that should be filled with rafe and your laughs, voices, moans, cries, everything.
you tried to fall back into your routine, but something about it felt off from the start.
you were exhausted, but you blamed it on the emotional crash after he left. “you look like shit,” sarah said bluntly one afternoon, watching you push your food around your plate. you shot her a sarcastic smile. “thanks.”
“i’m serious,” she leaned forward slightly. “you okay?”
“i’m fine,” you sighed, even though your stomach twisted again. “just haven’t been sleeping great.” she narrowed her eyes a little but didn’t push. “are you gonna tell rafe?” she asked, but you shrugged, shaking your head, “there’s nothing to tell.”
but it wasn’t nothing, and you knew that. you knew the second your randomly started feeling nauseous doing the smallest of tasks. or when you abnormally had to pee so many times within the same day.
you decided to call rafe that same night, he picked up on the second ring. “hey-” he stopped, scanning your face. “what’s wrong?” he asked almost immediately. you swallowed. “i need you to just listen, okay?”
his face dropped, the small smirk completely gone, and only a furrow of his brows replacing it. he stood up, walking away from the other marines, into his office. he spoke only once the door shut, but you could hear the worry in his tone “okay baby, i’m listening.” your grip tightened on your phone. “i’m pregnant.” you blurted out, with no other information.
you both sat in silence for a few “…what?” he finally said. “i was feeling so nauseous, and spotting,” you said, staring at the wall. “then i took a test and it was positive.” you heard movement on his end, like he stood up, and started pacing.
“fuck…okay,” he muttered, more to himself than to you. “when did you find out?”
“this morning.” then came another moment of silence. but it seemed like his anger was rising, “you went alone?” your brows pulled together. “yeah, rafe, i didn’t exactly have time to-”
“you shouldn’t be doin’ that shit alone,” he cut in, frustration bleeding through now.
“rafe..” you said softly, now understanding where his anger is coming from. “i’m serious,” he ran a hand through his hair, exhaling hard. “that’s not- fuck, this isn’t how this was supposed to go.” yep, there it was. you closed your eyes. “i didn’t plan it like this.”
“i know you didn’t,” he shot back quickly. then softened his tone, once he realized, “i know, i know that.”
but he was still pacing, and you could here it. “i should be there,” he muttered. “i should be the one takin’ you, sittin’ there with you, hearin’ all this shit firsthand instead of-” he cut himself off, his jaw tightening. “instead of this.”
“no baby,” you started. “it’s okay.”
“no, it’s not,” he said immediately.
and after that? things completely changed, in a good way. he went from calling you and texting when he can, to constantly texting and calling. making sure you’re okay, asking about your symptoms, if you’re eating, just constantly checking up on you.
“you eat today?” he asked one night.
“yeah.”
“what’d you have?” you smiled faintly. “why do you need a full report sergeant?”
“because,” he replied with a light chuckle. “you know i’m not there, so i gotta make sure.” you shook your head a little, but answered anyway. “i ate rice with chicken and veggies. and yes i took my prenatals, relax.”
he huffed quietly on the other end, but you could hear the faint smile in it. “i’m not relaxin’. you’re carryin’ my kid, i get to be on your ass about it.” you rolled your eyes, shifting to a more comfortable position on the couch, phone pressed between your cheek and shoulder. “you’re already on my ass about everything.”
“yeah?” he shot back. “good. means i’m doin’ my job.”
a small laugh left your mouth , but it softened quickly, your fingers resting over your stomach as the feeling crept back in. “…i miss you.” it came out quieter than you meant it to, and for a second, there was nothing on the other end. then his voice dropped,. “i know baby. i miss you too.” he said, in such a sad tone. you swallowed, staring down at your hand.
“it’s just weird, you know? doin’ all this without you here.” you said. he was quiet again, like he was choosing his words carefully this time. “you’re not doin’ it without me,” he said finally, firm but gentle. “i’m right here.” you let out a small breath. “yeah, but through a phone.”
“don’t start that,” he muttered, a little mean sounding, but it wasn’t at you, it was at the distance, at everything he couldn’t control. then softer, “i’m there as much as i can be right now.” you nodded faintly. “i know.” there was a pause before he spoke again, “when’s your next appointment?”
“next tuesday.”
“aight,” he said immediately. “you call me before you go in. i don’t care what i’m doin’, i’ll step out.” you shook your head slightly, even though he couldn’t see you. “no rafe, you don’t have to-”
“i said i will,” he cut in, not harshly, just sternly. “i’m not missin’ that.” your chest warmed at that, your grip tightening on your phone. “okay, fine sarge.” you joked.
“you gonna let me hear it?” a smile krept up on your face. “hear what?”
“it’s heartbeat,” he clarified in a duh tone. “if they do that.” you smiled a little, even though he couldn’t see it. “of course i will.” he exhaled, like that alone made this all better a little. “thank you” he murmured.
-
you don’t even realize you’re spiraling until the words are already spilling out of you with your emotions finally catching up all at once. “i don’t know how to do this,” you say again, but this time it sounds broken, with your hands gripping the fabric of your hoodie like it might hold you together. “like, how the fuck am i supposed to be pregnant right now without him here?” your voice cracks harder, as you shake your head. “it’s not supposed to be like this, sarah. he’s supposed to be here for this stuff. for all of it.”
sarah stays quiet, just watching you, letting you get it out, her hand rubbing slow circles onto your arm. “i fucking hate it,” you breathe, “i hate the military. i hate that it just decides for us. like it gets to choose when i see my own husband.” you let out a weak, frustrated laugh, but it breaks halfway through. “he’s the one person i need right now, and i can’t even have him here. not really.” your eyes burn, tears finally slipping down as you look at her. “and i know he’d be here if he could, i know that, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
sarah pulls you into her, letting you fall apart against her shoulder without saying too much. “you’re allowed to feel like this,” she murmurs softly. “none of this is fair.” her hand smooths over your hair gently. “you love him. of course this hurts.”
and you nod, because that’s all it really comes down to. you love him so much it physically aches when he’s not there, and right now, it feels so indescribably unbearable.
-
hours later, after you’ve cried yourself out and fallen asleep, sarah sits on the edge of her bed, phone in her hand, staring at his name longer than she should. she knows he’s trying, she knows how much he cares, but she also knows you. she knows you’re hurting more than you’re letting him see.
when she finally calls, she keeps it simple. “she’s not okay, rafe.” there’s a pause on the other end, and she can practically feel him go still through the silence. “she misses you,” sarah adds, quieter now. “a lot. she’s trying not to put it on you, but it’s getting to her.”
he doesn’t say much, just a low, “fuck,” before the call ends, but it’s enough. she knows him well enough to know that silence isn’t nothing.
on the other end, rafe stands in his office for a second after the call drops, phone still in his hand. it’s not new information, none of it is. he knows you miss him. he knows this is hard on you.
but hearing it like that, hearing that you’re not okay fucks with his mind, because now he’s picturing it. you crying, saying you hate the situation you’re in, saying you need him, and of course he’s not there.
his grip tightens around his phone before he tosses it onto his desk, dragging both hands down his face as he paces the room. his thoughts are louder than anything else, just overlapping and clouding his judgement.
every moment he’s missed. every appointment he hasn’t been to. the fact that you’re carrying his kid and he’s not even there to see it happen.
what the fuck am i even doing here? he thought, because for the first time, it’s not just frustration, it’s doubt. he exhales sharply, shaking his head like he can force it away, but it doesn’t go anywhere. if anything, it gets worse.
before he can stop himself, he’s grabbing his keys, stepping out, heading straight for the one person he knows will actually let him say it out loud.
topper barely gets a greeting before rafe’s already inside his space, pacing again, same restless energy, same tight chest. “i don’t know why i’m even here,” he mutters, more to himself than anything, but it comes out sharp. he runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, breath uneven. “fuck, i should’ve left after i fucking married her.”
topper watches him carefully, not interrupting right away, letting him get it out. and rafe does,he keeps going, because once it starts, he can’t really stop it.
“i’m missin’ everything,” he adds, quieter now but somehow worse. “all of it. and she’s back there dealin’ with it by herself because of me.” his eyes bug out, out of anger, his emotions turning inward this time. “i did that. i signed up for this shit.”
there’s a pause before topper finally speaks, “ have you told her that?” rafe lets out a short, humorless breath, shaking his head immediately. “fuck no.” he glances away, “she doesn’t need that on top of everything else. she’s already stressed, i’m not gonna sit there and make it worse.”
he leans back against the desk, arms crossing tightly over his chest, like he’s holding himself together. “if she’s upset,” he adds “it’s not gonna be because of me. not ever.” and he means that, even if it’s killing him a little in the process.
-
“cameron.” his captain called him, knocking him out of his thoughts. rafe looked up, and he straightened up. “sir.” he responded, his superior studied him for a second. “what’s goin’ on with you lately?”
“nothin’, sir.” he answered. “ah don’t give me that shit gunny,” his captain said flatly. “you’ve been off.”
rafe’s shoulders tensed, he hated how he was letting his anger and frustration get into his work, he tried to not let it, but he knew it was only a matter of time before it would. “my wife’s pregnant sir,” he said finally. his superior nodded slightly. “that’ll do it.”
rafe let out a breath, dragging a hand down his face. “and i’m not there for any of it.”
“that bothering you?” his captain asked, and he let out a quiet, humorless laugh. “killing me sir.” rafe swallowed hard, jaw tightening as he stood there, shoulders squared out of habit more than anything. “with all due respect, sir,” he started, voice strained, “i need to be there for the birth of my first kid.” his hand flexed at his side, like he was trying to keep it together. “i can’t have her go through that alone, i can’t.”
his captain watched him for a second longer, the silence stretching just enough to make rafe’s chest feel tight. then he sighed, understanding him. “you submit your parental leave paperwork,” he said finally, “i’ll push it through early.” rafe blinked, like he didn’t process it at first. “don’t make me regret it, gunny.”
something in rafe cracked just a little at that, the rigid edge in him softening in a way no one on base ever really saw. “yes, sir,” he nodded quickly “thank you, sir, seriously.” his captain just gave a short nod before walking off, leaving rafe standing there, exhaling a breath he didn’t even realize he’d been holding.
the second he was alone, he was already pulling his phone out, hands moving faster than his thoughts. it rang once, and then you picked up, your soft “hi babe,” hitting him right in the chest, he couldn’t help but smile. he let out a quiet breath, almost a laugh, like relief was finally settling in. “hey,” he said, voice low but lighter than it had been in weeks, “you busy right now, or can i tell you somethin’?”
you shifted slightly on the couch, tucking your legs under you, already smiling at the sound of his voice. “for you? im never busy,” you said softly, playing with the hem of your shirt. “what is it?” there was a small pause on his end, like he was trying not to rush it, but you could hear it in his breathing, something had changed, in a good way.
“i talked to my captain,” he started, showing more excitement than ever. “i told him i’m not missin’ this. not the birth, not you goin’ through it, none of it.” your brows pulled together slightly, heart pumping up before he even finished.
“he’s gonna push my leave through early,” rafe said, and this time he couldn’t hold back the small break in his voice. “i’m comin’ home, baby. for a good while.”
for a second, you didn’t even respond, just blinked your mouth dropped open, like your brain needed a moment to catch up. “no fucking way” you breathed out, your hand instantly pressing against your stomach, like you needed to feel them to reconnect with reality for second. “are you serious?”
“yeah,” he let out a quiet, almost disbelieving laugh. “yeah, i am. i wasn’t gonna let you do that shit alone, i meant that.” his tone softened immediately after, gentler, more like him with you. “i’ll be there. every appointment i can make, and when it’s time? i’m right there with you, alright?”
your eyes stung a little, smile breaking through as you nodded even though he couldn’t see it. “okay,” you whispered. “i’m so relieved rafe.” your voice cracked.
rafe exhaled on the other end, like hearing that from you healed something deep in him,. “you have no idea how bad I needed to tell you that,” he admitted quietly. then, almost like he was smiling to himself, “start makin’ a list or somethin’, and all that stuff you said i was missin’? i’m makin’ up for it when i get there.”
and he meant it in every sense of the word. every night after that call, before he hung up, he made you tell him something new, something you needed, or something you wished he was there for. “what else?” he’d ask, like he was already half picturing it.
and you’d start small at first, joking even, until it turned into real things. a crib you liked. the color you couldn’t decide on for the nursery. how nervous you were for your next appointment. and he took all of it in, like it mattered just as much as being there.
somewhere along the way, the distance didn’t feel as bad. you still missed him, god, you missed him, but it wasn’t that hollow, aching quiet anymore. he filled the place in different ways now, through late night calls that stretched too long, through the way he stayed on the phone while you fell asleep, just listening to your breathing. “go to bed,” he’d mutter softly when you started drifting, even though he never really even hung up first.
and it didn’t feel like you were just waiting for him to come back. it felt like everything was finally falling into place.
