#dropped call

[cosmonautroger]

Christoph Niemann, Dropped Call

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

i am unreliable, uncontained. i am storms and sea. i am not the steady waves, i am not the traveled road. i am the wild and unforgiven. i am so sorry, i am failing you.

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

when i did nothing but work i did nothing but miss you and now that i'm home i wonder if i'm the issue

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

i wish i was a better friend to you.

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

when i die will i still be sick? if there's an afterlife will i still be anxious? depressed?manic? paranoid? in death will i still need to be perfect? will i still feel weighted by my parents' disappointment? will i still be the fuckup i always was? will my mind still be ruined?

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

lost love turns the mind into a minefield and i am so clumsy.

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

how to keep hope? how to keep wonder after everything that's happened? how to look forward to warm sunshine when the rain is cool and familiar? how to find light when i'm still too scared to open my eyes? how to say "next time" when every other time passes like wind through my fingers? how to get past the past and defeat fear?

[1-800-hrtbrkr]

anyways, i think i finally forgot what love was like. the past, the memories, theu don't hurt as much, but i feel different. a lot less real. a lot less in general.