Not Mad At All
Written for the Bittersweet prompt for @jilytoberfest
Happy Jilytober! This is my first time posting Jily, I'm so excited!
Prompt: "Why aren't you mad at me?" (Angst made fluff)
James is sitting in the Gryffindor common room with a bottle of Butterbeer in his hand when Lily Evans plops down next to him. They’re celebrating a Quidditch victory and James expects her to congratulate him, maybe joke about him letting the outcome of the match get to his head. He does not expect her to sit so close, lean against him a little, and direct a brilliant smile at him.
He can’t help staring for a moment. Her eyes are sparkling, her face is glowing, and her cheeks are flushed. She feels warm and comfortable and she’s so beautiful. She’s also very drunk.
“You’re very drunk”, James tells her.
“I’m a little tipsy”, she corrects him, letting her head fall on his shoulder.
James scoffs.
“I’m not drunk, James”, she insists. “Charlie Stebbins is drunk. I’m tipsy. World of difference.”
She’s definitely drunk, but even with her intoxicated state, James knows that he has no chance of winning this argument.
“Oh well, if it’s Charlie Stebbins you’re competing against, you’re completely sober, Lily”, he says, smiling fondly.
“Exactly”, she smiles, shifting her head on his shoulder to a more comfortable position.
James is sure they look like a couple, but no one’s watching. No one that he cares about, anyway, and he’s far too comfortable to move. So he stays where he is, smiling back at Lily and enjoying the moment.
Sadly for him, it doesn’t last.
“You’re nice, James”, she says.
He’s about to hum in agreement, but she isn’t done talking.
“Why won’t you kiss me?”, she asks, and James chokes on air. “I’d kiss you.”
It takes James a moment to regain his balance. She’s a lot more drunk than he’d thought, if she just said what he heard. Probably wouldn’t remember a thing in the morning, which is great, because she’d be mortified if she did.
He debates his response for a moment, because he’s not about to tell Lily that he won’t kiss her, but there’s also no way he’s kissing a drunk Lily.
“Let’s get you some water”, he says finally.
“I’m not thirsty”, she insists, sitting up to face him. “You don’t want to kiss me, do you?”
She looks sad now. Pouty.
“I don’t not want to kiss you”, James tries, barely holding back a hysterical laugh.
“So you do want to kiss me!”, she says, starting to lean towards him.
“I can’t drunk kiss you, Lily”, he tells her, halting her midway.
“You’re drunk?”, she asks, confused.
James almost laughs again, but as he’s finding out, drunk Lily is rather difficult, so he nods instead.
“Yes, I’m drunk, and I can't kiss you while I’m drunk, so you’ll have to wait, okay?”
“Okay, I’ll kiss you tomorrow”, she agrees, and James, really, really hopes that she won’t remember this exchange the next morning. He doesn’t want things to be awkward between them again, just when they are settling into a friendship.
And yet, a part of him hopes that she will remember and find him tomorrow and kiss him. He ignores that part as completely as he can while he scans the common room for a friend who can see that she gets to her bed without offering to kiss any more unsuspecting boys.
Lily feels terrible.
“I’m not suited to a life of drunken debauchery”, she tells Mary with a groan.
“Give it a chance, love”, laughs Mary. “You’re doing such a good job.”
Lily groans again, thinking back to what she remembers of the night before. The memories are a little hazy, but she does remember trying to make James Potter kiss her before he managed to talk her out of it and handed her over to Mary.
She’s never drinking again.
“He hates me”, she says. “He’s going to think I’m trying to toy with his heart after rejecting him and then befriending him and then trying to kiss him, Merlin, I don’t even know what he’s going to think, but it’ll be bad and he’ll never speak to me again. We’re going to be the worst Heads in the history of Hogwarts because we’re never going to be able to talk again and everything is ruined. Ruined!”
Mary snorts at this monologue.
“Get over yourself, Lily. You’re hardly the first person to ever make a move on a friend while drunk. James didn’t seem to mind very much, if you ask me.”
Lily knows Mary is right about the first part, but they aren’t just any pair of friends . They can’t just laugh this off over breakfast and go on as normal. Not when they had spent years fighting, Not when Lily had turned him down the two times he’d asked her out, once as a joke, once seriously. Not when after years of dancing around each other they had finally settled into a friendship Lily had come to cherish.
Not when Lily was beginning to realise that she may want to give dating James a shot after all.
“Talk to him”, Mary advises, and though Lily would much rather hide in her dormitory forever, she nods. If nothing else, she knows she owes James an apology.
James is more than a little surprised to be cornered by Lily in the Hogwarts kitchens. He hadn’t even been sure she knew where the kitchens were, which was partly why he had skipped breakfast and headed there for a snack. Not that he was avoiding Lily, of course. He was simply giving her a chance to miraculously forget last night.
A chance that she apparently didn’t want.
“I thought I’d find you here”, she says when he spots her.
“Hey, Lily!”, he greets. He does an admirable job masking his nervousness at the encounter, and Lily doesn’t seem to suspect that he’s been hiding from her.
“I need to apologize”, she says, never one to beat around the bush. “I didn’t mean to say all that to you last night, I must have been more drunk than I realized. I’m so, so sorry, James.”
She certainly looks sorry. If James had been harbouring any hopes that she meant what she had said the night before, it is time to lay them to rest.
He forces out a strained laugh.
“No big deal, Lily, it happens to people all the time”, he says as casually as he can manage.
“You’re sure?”, she asks.
“Yeah, absolutely”, James says, a smile plastered on his face.
Lily sighs with relief, but she can’t help asking another question.
“Why aren’t you mad at me?”
James looks at her incredulously.
“Do you want me to be mad at you?”, he asks.
“No, of course not, but… I tried to force you into a kiss! That’s harassment, I was importuning you, it makes sense for you to be mad, James”, she says.
He laughs again, genuinely amused this time.
“It’s alright, Lily, you can importune me for a kiss anytime you want.”
It comes out flirtier than he had expected, and Lily’s eyes widen a little.
“So you wouldn’t mind if I kissed you?”, she asks, a smile playing at the corner of her lips.
James feels his throat run dry.
“Lily?”, he asks uncertainly.
“We’re not drunk anymore, James. Will you sober kiss me?”, she asks, the hint of a blush visible on her cheeks.
James doesn’t wait for her to ask again. He pulls her closer by the waist, using his free hand to cup her face and leaning down to capture her lips. She responds enthusiastically, her hand reaching up to his hair as she kisses him back.
It takes several minutes before they separate, both wearing identical goofy grins, unable to take their eyes off each other.
“I don’t mind at all”, James promises, and Lily pulls him into another kiss.
