#duffelblog

[brightfametexan]

Coast Guardsman enlists to protect and defend Cheddar Bay

Coast Guardsman enlists to protect and defend Cheddar Bay

Some things are worth protecting at all costs.

[erebusvincent]

Amid Omicron surge, National Guard called up to man entire DoD

They're here, they're there, they're everywhere!

[erebusvincent]

Clint Lorance and Eddie Gallagher team up to launch ‘Alleged War Crimes Coffee’ brand

The best part of waking up, war crimes in your cup.

[erebusvincent]

DoD adopts new 'Winning Isn't Everything' motto

We did our best, Pentagon leaders said.

[erebusvincent]

New female body armor just pink, more expensive regular body armor

THE PENTAGON – The military provided details Friday about source new body armor designed specifically for women’s bodies. Called Athena Armor, the new equipment is exactly the same in size, weight, and general dimensions as current body armor but is pink and significantly more expensive.

In a PowerPoint deck distributed to media, the military hyped the new equipment as “100 percent PPE” and emphasized the Athena’s ability to help female soldiers “discover their warrior goddess within.” Doing so will come at a per-unit cost nearly double that of current standard issue body armor.

While color and cost are the most obvious differences between Athena Armor and current equipment, the new system incorporates several additional updates. The Athena system replaces all existing pockets and pouches with fake ones soldiers can’t get their hands into. The body armor also includes side plate attachments which can be customized for a fee with words like “Fierce” and “Who run the world.”

Sizing guidance for units included with the media packet emphasizes that female soldiers should plan to order a size smaller than their current body armor as the Athena is intended to be “super sturdy and a little bit flirty.” Defense experts note that this could leave female soldiers with vital organs in their abdomens exposed but concede that it will also be a hot look for summer.

“Women in the military have been asking for armor designed for them for years” said Todd Rockhouse, leader of the all-male acquisitions team in charge of design, purchasing, and fielding the new armor. “I’m glad we can deliver something that will address every female need we could think of without actually asking any women.”

Early reactions from female soldiers have varied between extremely negative and depressingly resigned. A DoD spokesman stated that those soldiers who are unhappy are probably just on their periods. He further advised that any female soldier who does not wish to don the Athena can wait several more months for the release of a new, much more expensive, puffy version perfect for Spring.

[drewsghost]

Soldier Who Said He’d Fight War So ‘Son Wouldn’t Have To’ Feels Like An Asshole Right Now – Duffel Blog

KABUL — A Command Sergeant Major serving in Kabul who reportedly said he’d fight the war “so his son wouldn’t have to” in 2001 sort of feels like an asshole right now, after his son joined the Army a year ago and serves with a unit just a few miles away, sources confirmed today. “When […]

It might be funnier if this sort of thing didn’t actually happen-- My first Troop XO’s dad was one of the Brigade Operations Sergeants Major. Art imitating life.

[kineticpenguin]

Spartan-Worshipping Marine Throws ‘Defective’ Son Off Cliff

CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Military Police were called to base housing early Tuesday morning, after a Spartan-worshipping Marine threw his &qout;defective&qout; eight-year old son off a nearby cliff after his son was unable to carry a hoplite shield. &qout;I told the little helot to either come back with his shield o…

[theduffelblog]

BREAKING: YOUR CHRISTMAS LEAVE IS CANCELLED!

YOUR LEAVE ADDRESS — Sources confirmed on this joyous and wonderful Christmas morning that your much-earned leave block far, far away from the flag pole to spend time with your family has just been cancelled.

“It would behoove you to stop opening goddamn presents and get your ass back to base,” said your company first sergeant, momentarily pausing from distributing coal and charge sheets at a nearby barracks. “Besides, troops on deployment aren’t home this Christmas, so neither should you.”

(Read more)