'Have you seen me? I've been wandering
Out by the road, trying to get home'
-Have You Seen Me? by Nicole Dollanganger
I have been doing work on Imposter Syndrome in the background. I wanted to try out an idea I have for a mini-comic that won't be coming out for a while (like when Code Swap 2026 is over while lol). Mostly wanted to play with the effects I have in mind to see if it would actually work.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Happy very belated Code Swap! Protip: don't enter a fic swap when you have your thesis proposal due unless your giftee is very patient, hahah. This is for @kittygirl255 of her absolutely lovely Echo AU, where Yumi is captured by XANA in season 1 in the aftermath of Cruel Dilemma and the fake Yumi from Image Problem is repurposed by Jeremie to take her place. Exploring the specter's mind and crises was a lot of fun, even if this fic went through... I'd say four different completely different concepts along the way, haha. Enjoy, and go check out Kitty's AU when you're done!
Ummm, so...I got hit with inspiration. And you know what that means?
W R I T I N G
So, ummm...this is a drabble I did based on @kittysartbook's Echo AU (AKA Imposter Syndrome on Steriods(TM)).
Title, as always, is a metal song. Just Pretend by Bad Omens.
Anyway, enjoy the...ridiculous amounts of angst I put in this little thingy.
When she was born, the first thing she saw was walls and walls of 1s and 0s. Or well, the word 'born' didn't really apply to her.
More like 'made' or 'created'...but still, 'born' made her feel more alive. More like the humans she was made to imitate.
When she was born, she had no name at first. After all, how do you give a name to a simple collection of data?
Then, the walls shifted, and suddenly, she was met with an all-seeing eye. Red like blood and staring at her.
It had no coporeal form, yet it felt omnipresent in every bit that made up her code. It had no voice, yet its demands dominated her processes.
'Replace The Geisha', it said. 'Replace Her And Destroy Her Allies.'
She didn't have any will at that point. All she was 1s and 0s, after all. And this voice was all that she had ever known outside of those walls of data.
So, she obeyed.
The eye then wrapped her in a digital shell. A shell of thousands and thousands of lines of code, made to synchronize with her and her master's wishes.
And so, when she was materialized into the world outside the data, she was not specter of code, formless and nigh-invisible.
Instead, she was wearing the skin of a human. The flesh, the bones, and the muscles of a human.
The human's name? Yumi Ishiyama.
Known to her master as the Geisha, one of the four humans opposing her master along with little Aelita, whom her master was silent to talk about.
She was given supplemental memories of how Yumi acted in the real world. Mainly her life at somewhere called 'Kadic Academy'.
Her main function was to obey her master...but as she kept walking around, she couldn't help but deviate.
The way the humans conducted themselves...it just seemed so cool to her!
Sure, she didn't really know about 'personalities' and those kind of subrountines...but as she kept walking around, eating food, talking with the humans in their French tongue...she couldn't help but fall in love with the meatspace.
However, despite this, she could not deviate too far from her master's wishes. She would always be halted by her master whenever she deviated too far from its plans.
At first, she obeyed it. It was the only reason she was even here, after all.
However, she grew to dislike the tightening leash around her neck.
Especially when her master ordered that she used force to beat a man named Jean-Pierre Delmas. She knew it was completely unlike the real Yumi to do this and she didn't want to do it.
She didn't want to hurt the humans she had fallen in love with.
But she had to. Her master wouldn't allow anything else.
An animosity grew inside her data as her master's plan unfolded, as she began to bruise and hurt her supposed sworn enemies.
An animosity that turned to guilt once she finally met the real Yumi Ishiyama.
It was at this point that her master decided to completely take her over, having lost her will to fight.
As much as her master demanded their deaths...she couldn't help but appreciate how human they were.
They loved and cared for each other, and were so worried about what really happened to their Yumi Ishiyama. And her memories only gave even more credence to this.
Yumi Ishiyama was a good person, fighting against the eye's evils at every turn along with her friends. She wished circumstances had been different and, when she was finally put to rest by her master as a failure, she wished she could help them.
She thought it would be the end of her existence...but then, it wasn't.
After so long spent in sleep, she awoke to the familiar light of the scanners.
She was still wearing the skin of Yumi Ishiyama...but her master's will and voice were completely devoid from her.
For the first time since she was born...she was free.
Free from her master's influence.
It was so overwhelming that she began crying. She didn't even know what that emotion was at the time, but now she knew: it was joy.
However, she came to a shattered band of friends.
Yumi Ishiyama...was no longer a free human.
She was a prisoner of her master- no, XANA.
She was a prisoner of XANA, a monster concealed in layers and layers of code.
The one that was desperate enough to summon her, the one named Jeremie Belpois, told her to simply act in Yumi's place, as she had under XANA's control.
...But she didn't want to do that.
She wanted to be free, to experience the world!
She wanted to try out so many different human things!
She wanted to experiment and finally live. She wanted to be truly human.
...But the warriors didn't want that. All of them scolded her for even trying, wanting her to simply be a replacement for their lost friend.
The only one that seemed to truly understand where she was coming from was Aelita. The strange being bound to Lyoko, the only one understanding why she wanted to be free.
However, despite this...she understood their pain completely.
Her brief time under XANA's control gave her a true view into how they loved and cared for each other. In actuality, she was probably meeting the Lyoko Warriors while they were grieving.
They were not like that all the time...they were just in pain.
And that, she could understand.
But...she could surely compromise between their wishes and her own.
Right?
Well, firstly, it didn't feel right using Yumi's name to refer to herself.
She was already wearing Yumi's skin...she didn't want to also steal her name.
So, she picked a new name.
One that she could use to seperate herself from her purpose.
And she landed on one after reading a few Japanese books: 'Mizuki'
And while she couldn't be too flamboyant with her tastes in public...she could easily experiment while the rest of the world wasn't looking.
Fashion, music, art, Mizuki was ready to conquer them all!
...Still, it hurt seeing the people in Yumi's life.
The way she had to smile and put on a mask as she had to look at the longing and worrisome faces of her family, concerned about the complete sudden shift in how their 'daughter' acted now.
The way she had to hold back the tears as her colleagues (She couldn't call them friends. They didn't want anything to do with her outside of Lyoko) pushed her away.
Still, she'll carry on and march forward. She'll experience as much as she can of this meatspace while she's here, and help bring back Yumi.
Maybe then, she could have a chance to forgive her for taking her place for so long.
How different would the AU be if Mizuki was real and Yumi was the clone?
Legit this is an idea I have had rotated in my head a few times before, but I did actually sit down and make some designs for fun!
Some fun info under the cut!
-Mizuki, Odd, and Ulrich are extremely tight knit, with both boys almost taking big brother roles with her.
-Like Yumi in canon, Mizuki was a loner with many of her peers making fun of her for how loud she is (both volume of voice and personality). Being apart of the Lyoko Warriors is the first time she belonged somewhere and she was wanted.
-She has an impressive Unicorno and Littlest Pet Shop collection. Most of her surface space in her room is dedicated to her collections.
-She is very into decora kei fashion! She does her best to work with what she has.
-Yumi is pretty quiet and sometimes standoffish when she is freed. She definitely has more of a spine then Mizuki, and this leads to her constantly budding heads with Ulrich. A lot.
-Even though she doesn't let it show, a lot of the boys' words dig at her and eat at her sense of self.
-She definitely not as sure about herself as canon Mizuki is when she goes to Lyoko for the first time. She views herself as a monster. A pretender with someone's stolen face. A demon who doesn't deserve to be anything more then the role thrusted on to her. She has some major self esteem issues going on
