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MIA / Valintines..

On Saturday I ran away to Edinburgh (my home town) to stay with my family. Normally a trip to Edinburgh means drinking and seeing friends but I am hugely anti-social at the moment.

I literally didnt leave the house. I just sat in and ate. I am feeling pretty shitty and unmotivated at the moment, my mum was kind enough to order me a bunch of clothes from the catalouge but I don't know what size I'm going to be next month/next week even. It was a bit of a downer that something I would normally love and does not happen often (I am very poor) was ruined by my complete lack of confidence regarding my weightloss.

Things just got worse, I had to deal with my little sister who is 15 yrs old and the pretty one of the family and all her skinny as hell mates looking honestly fantastic all dressed up for a night out..

I felt horrific,

1) I do not have any reasons to get dressed up, I don't go out.. at all.. and even if I wear a fucking skirt I feel like a fool, as if people start at me thinking shes to ugly to wear that shit..

2) I have no happiness with the way I look.. I can say I do all I want, I can say yeah I'm happy looking like this.. but I don't feel it.

At the moment I am probably at the lowest I have been since I started this.

Valintines was nice though, I painted the boyfriend a bird pic (which will be up tonight) and is still drying in Edinburgh (oil paints boooo!) also bought up matching leatehr braclett thingys (a lot more manly than they sound).. We had a great dinner of steak, salmon mosse and salad while watching that gypsy wedding show and chilling out. It was lovely and made me feel a lot better and ate tons of chocolate. I mean looooaddddsss..

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