I feel a bit like I’m opening an AA meeting. Haha. I wanted to give a little bit of background information on myself so you all can get to know me a bit better.
I am 21, and have been suffering from anorexia nervosa for five years. I have been in recovery (willingly) for approximately one.
I never thought I would be here. I got to the point at nineteen/twenty where I was so emaciated and depressed that nothing mattered anymore. Work, relationships, hobbies, none of it. Life was a burden to bare, and every single day it was the same record on repeat in my head: food, food, food… It never ended.
It didn’t matter to me if I made it another day or not as long as I was losing weight. I wasn’t eating for days at a time, and I had literally given up on life.
And now here I am. In recovery, enjoying life, and seeing all the beauty it has to offer. This did not happen over night, and is still a work in progress. So for all of you suffering from any type of eating disorder, or in the process of recovery, I get it.
This disease is a personal hell. The way I see it is as split personality disease: there is the rational side, telling you to eat, to take care of yourself, and then there is this darkness, whispering in your ear and seducing you until you believe you are that darkness. You believe you are your eating disorder. And the first step for me to realize recovery was possible is that this voice is a LIE. You are NOT your disease. You are a strong person, a beautiful person, with dreams, goals, and ambitions.
For me, it all had to do with showing my pain. I didn’t know how to use my words, or my messages weren’t getting through. So I restricted in order to show others just how miserable I was. I felt I deserved it. And just like that, it became an addiction. An obsession. My life.
I have been in inpatient treatment, have seen many psychologists, went through group treatment for a year, etc. So quite obviously, my perspective did not change over night. But there were specific people in my life who turned that light bulb on.
By sharing their stories, they lit a fire under my ass that hasn’t stopped burning. And I hope to be that person for you.
If you follow this blog, PLEASE reblog or share. I am trying to get to as many people as possible. This is a HUGE issue in our generation, and it needs to be addressed.
As I said, I am still in recovery. I have horrible days and wonderful days. Ups and downs. But I have learned how to take my life minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. And that is the first piece of advice I can offer.
In recovery, you tend to think of the entire process, right? You think, there is NO way I can do this. It’s just too much to handle.
Don’t look at it as a whole. Simply do not.
Break it into tiny pieces and take it piece by piece. CELEBRATE your successes. If you have had a day without purging, with an extra meal, with even an extra bite in order to move closer to being healthy, you have done wonders. And I applaud you, because I know how hard that is. But once you master that little step, you can stabilize yourself and take the next, and the next after that.
The one thing that is necessary in recovery is someone to talk to. Preferably a professional, if possible. And may I please say, if you follow me, my challenge to you would be to unfollow every pro-ana or pro-bulimia blog on this website. It has gotten out of control. And with all of those images, those ignorant messages, you can’t move. You can’t take a step.
Once again, I am please asking that you reblog, send this link to someone in need, spread the word as much as possible.
I will have beautiful stories of other women and their journeys soon, and if you would like to take part, please let me know.
Stay strong. One minute at a time, beautiful.
❤️Kate
