Hi, I created two trans AFAB characters in a futuristic sci-fi setting, one is a binary trans man (Haron) and the other is non-binary (Nestor). Do you think having Nestor (who was openly trans back then) introduce the concept of being transgender to Haron who was simply having a masculine gender expression , while they were both kids, a good idea? For context: Haron sort of felt like he was indeed trans but did not really understand what it meant until he talked it out with Nestor.
I don't see anything wrong with this personally! Every trans person's egg cracks differently.
There is an etiquette surrounding introducing these ideas to individuals though. This is the etiquette that I try to honour if I think a friend of mine may be trans, but doesn't know it yet.
Don't tell anyone who they are.
Don't tell them who you think they are - they are the authority on this, and your place as a supportive person is to trust their own process and expertise.
Your identity and experience is not theirs, but may be able to help them add data points together to help frame their own experience. Phrases that sort of channel this vibe: "I used to feel that way too," "That wasn't my experience, but I know other people who feel that way. You're not alone." "This is how getting misgendered feels like for me personally." "This is what ultimately made me realize I was trans. Not that it has to mean that for you if you don't feel that way, this was just my experience."
Just straight up don't assume anything, and make sure they know you aren't assuming anything about what they do with the information you give them about transness (your own personal info or otherwise), if anything.
Understand that there are people of every gender identity who can do anything. A cis woman can choose to get top surgery. A cis man can use she/her pronouns. There are people of every gender (and lack thereof!!!) who relate to everything they wear like it's an art project, or a drag show, or a rebellion, or a thing of complete indifference. There are people who want 3 boob!!!! Gender is whatever you want it to be. There is no prescription you have to follow about it. You don't have to commit to the whole of everything people expect just because one day you want to cut your hair a certain way and experiment with a different name. You are allowed to have freedom, and it doesn't have to mean anything. I'm dating a man who uses she/her pronouns right now! There are people who take hormones who identify as cis. There are people who identify as lesbian bears. There are trans people that never come out and there are trans people who come out and don't change anything about their expression, name, pronouns, etc.
Maintain a vibe of openness, enthusiasm, and support. Let your friend take the reigns on their own experience.
"Let me know if anything changes."
Don't call anyone an egg (unless they tell you that's okay - and only after they opt to self-refer that way).
Trust the pronouns, etc that someone gives you today. Don't go making assumptions that someone would actually prefer pronouns they never said they wanted, just because they are dressing a certain way now, etc.
Basically respect and celebrate where people are at, and don't push anyone who is questioning into any particular conclusion, and don't push anyone into questioning. Just maintain an openness.
All this said, I think at some point there are some people (in reality) that didn't really pick up on the memo about this etiquette. Sometimes people are jerks, and sometimes people don't mean to be jerks, but still make assumptions and projections that they think might be helpful but maybe aren't. When it comes to writing fiction, you get to figure out how your characters would approach this topic, and what you want to communicate to the readers about it.
mod nat
