im sorry if it might be broken english or wha- but for the ending line: I would have said I miss you, if I just had the courage.
y u guys fuel my angst obsession pls jakhlkjf
Shouto didn’t realize he liked you. Well, he knew he liked you — you got along well with everyone, you were helpful, you didn’t unnecessarily involve yourself in trouble — but he didn’t know he liked you. It seemed like the snickers behind his back were fueled by something, but he never got an answer.
“He’ll figure it out eventually.”
“They make me sick with that stupid love crap.”
He didn’t really think anything was different between how your relationship was with him compared to others, but maybe it’s because he never had a chance like this: you left.
That was just a nice way of putting it — that was how everyone else started wording it behind his back and to his face because they somehow knew he needed something gentle. Something that was just as soft as you no matter how hard the situation got. But volcanoes are hot even when they aren’t erupting, just waiting to boil over from just the slightest shake or crack in their foundation. They can usually be predicted and avoided, something everyone was trying to do and succeeding at doing. Some volcanoes can smooth over on their own, and others erupt without notice — it doesn’t take a tremble, it just takes the right amount of internal turmoil to wreak enough havoc inside and out.
For him, that turmoil was finding out you hadn’t just left — you ran. Being a hero somehow wasn’t for you, you explained after a surprise run-in somewhere on the outskirts of town. You told him you were a coward while itching away at your temple, as if the thought alone bothered you to discomfort. It was an old habit of yours, one he didn’t realize he noticed. Just like he didn’t notice your feelings about being a hero warp into something evil.
He didn’t know what to tell you when you gave him that tidbit of information, and you didn’t stay for long. You were so skittish and eager to get out of view, eager to leave like you did before, and so eager to abandon him that he didn’t even have time to tell you what he wanted.
But right now, when he thinks about it again for the hundredth time at night, he realizes it wouldn’t have mattered. Those words wouldn’t have come out whether or not there was time to say it because, at that point, he was dormant, and there was no telling when he’d explode, if at all. Everybody — even himself — tried to avoid it. It didn’t require a jostle in his daily life or a crack in his sanity, it just took one realization for him to erupt into tears and sob into his hands alone, so endlessly alone. He wouldn’t have been able to say what he wanted when he was the coward this whole time.
I would have said I miss you... if I just had the courage.
