@billyleclerc
“So there I am, about to go enjoy my leftover dumplings from our chinese food binge the other night, and of course I get a call. This guy is like whisper shouting into the phone, I don’t know how else to describe it, I don’t understand how someone could do both at once, but he did. And he’s asking me for advice on how to get something out of his ass.”
Emerson pauses to take a bite of her pizza, it was imperative to get at least one slice down while it was still warm and gooey. When she was satisfied she sacrificed her slice back to the plate so that she could let her hands gesticulate as the drama of the story demanded. “I’m trying to figure out what the hell he’s got up there and he doesn’t want to tell me, he’s just asking me if he can do crunches or something to gravity whatever it is out.” She stifles a snort, then remembers she’s with the person she doesn’t have to stifle her crude mocking amusement in front of and lets out a deep laugh. “Billy I swear to god...I swear to god, when I finally get him to confess...here he’s at like a sex toy party...and he wanted to get a one time use out of some anal beads that were for sale. So he took them out of the box and brought them to like a private play space at the party and got them stuck. And wanted to get them out without a scene so that he wasn’t forced to pay for them.”
She’s hysterical now, a mess of gut wrenching sob laughs. Almost crying as she tries to get out the next bit. “I told him....I...told him...that I would have to send an ambulance and that next time he ought to keep in mind that you have to have permission to try before you buy and once something is up your butt it’s generally non returnable my friend.”