Please tag as emilym. So, I told my mum I'm dating. My dad and her have been sad lately bc of my aunt. Mum said she's okay with me having a (trans) boyfriend (she's obviously not and calls him a girl which makes me angry), but I have to keep it from my father so I wouldn't upset him further. Then, we were on a cruise and my boyfriend was there, and my mum kept calling him my friend. It really hurt me and still does, and I have to just live with it because of my mum's selfishness. It really hurts
Hi darling,
I’m honestly so sorry that you’re in this situation! I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through this, and listen to all those comments. I’m very happy for you that you’re dating someone so wonderful, and I hope the two of you are having a wonderful time together! It seems like you care a lot about him, and that’s so great to see :)
I don’t know if this is something you’ve done already, but I think it’d be good to have a very serious conversation with your mum. Try to educate her on what being trans is like, and how hurtful calling your boyfriend a girl is for him. Explain to her that you really want her to be happy for you because of how happy you are, and that what she’s doing now is really hurting you. If you’re open with her about how this is affecting you, then hopefully she’ll see that too and change her behaviour.
If she doesn’t change her behaviour then there are a few things you can do. Of course I don’t hope this is going to happen, but I’m going to give some suggestions just in case. You can leave it as it is. Unfortunately that will cause you to be very upset, but maybe in time she’ll start changing her behaviour, once she isn’t getting any reaction anymore. You can correct her every time she makes a mistake, but don’t go into depth about it. So when she says ‘friend’, you say ‘boyfriend’. When she says ‘girl’, you say ‘boy’. You can stop mentioning him around your mum, meaning that your relationship won’t be brought home anymore, and that it isn’t something you’re sharing with your parents. I can’t make a decision on what to do, that’s completely your choice! None of these options are ideal, but unfortunately it’s not an ideal situation :(
I hope that you can reach out to other people about your relationship, people who are supportive of you and your boyfriend, because you definitely deserve that! <3 Maybe you can look online, as there are lots of LGBTQIA+ friendly communities that will definitely support you two. Of course it’d be so much better if your mum would be supportive, but until that time you do deserve support, so then you can look for it in other places. I’m not saying that it will replace it all and that it will take hurt away. It’s not much of a replacement, but it’s better than nothing. I can still imagine it hurting a lot though, and I want you to know that those feelings are completely valid! I really, really do hope things will turn around positively for you, you so deserve that!
Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.
Keep fighting beautiful <3
Love Pauline
