Any other closeted trans person or at all closeted person have a moment of weakness where they bring themselves to the idea that my family would get a shock but would be intelligent enough and clever enough to follow their own mantra of looking at the source of their information before they believe something and take it upon themselves to look into why they don't believe in trans people or that being trans is a problem or they think its problematic or not christian or that its just too much for them. And then you get hit with reality that at the bare minimum it is gonna take you years of very slowly introducing little ideas and snippets of information to said person you're closeted to for them to be able to hopefully open their mind to one day be able to accept you as your true name, pronouns and self.
I know I wouldn't be thrown out and abandoned.... but like I know that it would take just as long if not longer than when I told my family I was gay (year and a half ish) for all of them to accept me.
Just not ready for those mind games and the feeling if living unwelcome in a strangers home and that my bedroom door become a portal between my space and uncertainty. Where my survival instincts never turn off and I am constantly over aware of literally every breath for months on end within the household. Its dealing with when a home stops being a home but you still have to live there. The memory of the loving look you used to automatically being nothing more than a memory because you don't get that luxury anymore. Where you feel like your very breathing in the same space as others in the home is uncomfortable.
I think I'm gonna wait a while before I come out again... probably the best idea.....














