The Empath’s Corner: Feeling is Healing
In some circles, there's a sense that if you feel a way about something, you'll never be "free" of it, or you're giving extra energy to it. Generally, this can be quite true. Most of us know someone who's always negative or living in the past, simultaneously wondering why they can't get out of their rut. In that situation, it's a welcome blessing when they learn to reprogram their emotions to a more positive framework. .
But for those of us who literally feel our way through the world, such sayings can fall short. The emotions we use to understand and process a thing can look like "dwelling" or "giving too much energy" to others. We don't move in straight lines; our intuitions and inclinations can lead us to actions that make *no* sense to others. .
For years, I’d get deeply angry at myself for crying about "nothing" or something / someone i knew wasn't worth my tears. I'd put on a brave front and push through, but the tears eventually flowed, causing me to feel more anger and frustration at myself. .
Now I understand that if a situation makes me feel hurt or uncomfortable, I need to feel the thing - fully and without judgement. In this state, I'm careful not to share with people who can't understand that I am - for the moment - processing and flowing with what I'm feeling/sensing, or who wanna feed off the drama. People tend to project their stuff onto your (conscious) process because of what it looks like or reflects to them. So it's good to know who you can go to with what. .
If i'm dealing with a stranger, I've come to realize that the strength of my reaction(s) may have little or nothing to do with the person that participated in the incident - so there's no need to cuss 'em out, or even express too much of my anger / sadness towards them. In my case, that would be "giving energy" to an unwanted situation - similar to my earlier note about playing into others' projections.* .
On the other hand, I have to note what the "participant" has just shown me about themselves and/or the role they might play in my life. Seeing the lesson and accepting it - which happens very quickly for me now - I can say, "Ok. Thanks, but no thanks. Goodbye & good luck". This release creates space for me to care for myself, heal, and have a better experience next time. .
Long story short: in an empathic context, feeling - in and of itself - is not the same as "giving energy" to anything. When we consciously attend to our personal work, holding space for our emotions - however they make themselves known - can lead to major breakthroughs. .
This is part of our gift.
--- *Dealing with friends and loved ones is a little different. For more on love and accountability, see this mini-workshop. .:.
Originally posted here. Edited by the author for fire|water.