Hello, tumblr. Yes, it’s me. Disappointing news for the Confucian literati: death is temporary, but my mandate is eternal.
Let’s address the elephant in the court. I see you all reblogging posts about "women’s wrongs" and "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss." Cute. Very modern. But let’s be entirely transparent- I invented the blueprint.
While your current icons are busy getting canceled on Twitter, I was busy dissolving the traditional aristocratic hierarchy, weaponizing a secret police force, and rebranding myself as the literal incarnation of Maitreya Buddha because the existing religious infrastructure didn’t afford me enough tax exemptions.
I’m seeing a lot of discourse about my "ruthless rise to power." First of all, it’s called upward mobility. Second of all, if my stepsons didn't want to be exiled to the provincial swamps, they simply should have been better at statecraft. It is not my fault that competency is a scarce resource in the Li family.
To the haters currently crying in my asks about the "illegal usurpation of the Tang Dynasty": I created the Zhou Dynasty out of thin air because the previous branding didn't suit my complexion. Cry about it. Cry to the censors. Oh wait, I replaced them all with merit-based scholars who actually passed their exams.
A few ground rules for this blog:
* No cats. Do not send them to my inbox. Do not tag me in them. Lady Xiao knows what she did, and I am not taking chances with the transmigration of souls.
* Anon hate will be redirected to the tribunal. If you have a grievance, state your name and province so my ministers can properly log your treason.
* The stele stays blank. I don't need a bio. My track record speaks for itself.
Anyway. Reblog for good luck or I’ll restructure your family's tax bracket.
