The Best and Worst Movies I've Seen This Year
I have seen more movies this year than I have seen for my entire life. And I didn't even make it for the full year. I am exhausted. But I am proud of the fact that I engaged with more art this year than I probably every have! I watched some great stuff! I watched some real duds. And I've watched some stuff that really got my gander. Let's see what the best and the worst movies I saw this year are. I'm going to alternate between bad and good movies so that I can cut the negativity with positivity, and end on a happy note before saying au revoir. Onwards for the lists!
As much as I want to give the spot of worst kids movie to that fucking horrible Wild Robot movie, I can't in good conscience say that it was worse than Harold And The Purple Crayon. At least the Wild Robot was really pretty, and it felt like the creators cared a little bit. Harold and the Purple Crayon is lazy and hackneyed, and even the kids and the audience could tell. If you want a kids movie with a lot of purple that came out on 2024, stick with IF.
Venom 3: The Last Dance is actually amazing. Anyone who didn't like it is completely wrong, and this is, FOR SURE, the absolute best Marvel movie that has COME OUT THIS YEAR. YEP. THIS IS THE BEST and I'm just kidding the number ten is actually the Substance. I just wanted to piss off Deadpool and Wolverine fans one more time.
I've had quite the adventure with this movie. At first, I couldn't recommend it. Then I came to the realization that it just wasn't a movie for me. I now accept that is movie is a masterpiece that everyone kinda owes it to themselves to see just once. Just don't eat anything beforehand. The reason it is this low on the list is because I really have no desire to see it ever again.
Hey it's the movie so bad it got me fired. I will admit that I liked about an hour of this movie. Too bad the other two hours of this movie are some of the most reprehensible and anger inducing garbage I've ever seen. If I wasn't watching the movie with my mom, I would have walked out. I cut my review of this short, I had way more things to nitpick about Wicked Part One. (Why is there a train that goes to the Emerald City. Why didn't Dorothy take it when she arrived? Did they get rid of the train? Did she just not know it exists? Why is the movie intent of making Dorothy retrospectively the worse protagonist ever?) Maybe Disney will be merciful and not release Part Two, but I given how I alone stand against this movie, I sincerely doubt it.
Now onto a movie that deserves to be three hours long and in two parts, Dune! I feel like the beginning of this year has been very slow, probably because of the writers strike. But Dune stood out among some good-but-less-than-I-expected movies and some real stinkers as the best thing for the entirety of spring. Dune, unlike some other movies, uses it's massive run time wisely. There is never a dull moment between the gorgeous shots set to haunting music, and the cool fighting between the armies of Arrakis and the House Harkonnen. Can't wait for the sequel!
Speaking of waiting for a sequel. I am delighted that Part Two of this movie got cancelled, because this movie was BO-OR-RING! This is a slasher movie with only more killers than victims. And there is only three killers. How the hell does that make any sense? The Strangers Chapter One is a lifeless reboot of a lifeless movie to begin with, and has nothing to showcase except people in masks wandering around a boring cabin. The nicest thing I can say about this is that it isn't the most boring movie I've seen this year, nor is it the worst slasher I've seen.
If Sherlock Holmes wanted to orchestrate who the next Pope was gonna be, you would NOT get Conclave. Because Ray Fiennes doesn't play a Sherlock Holmes type in the movie, however! This does not change the fact that Conclave is a really fun mystery, with a great lead, and a REALLY great ending. It is highly unfortunate that there weren't really any mystery movies this year, because I love them. Conclave is the closest thing to a Poriot movie I got this year, and by damn I will take it and love it!
Hoo boy is Megalopolis a stinker. It's probably a bad thing that this is the only Francis Ford Coppola movie I've seen right? But I will cut it some slack because at least it was fascinatingly bad. But this movie still has Aubrey Plaza playing a money-grubbing news reporter who fucks her nephew. And no amount of fascination makes that okay. I find passion projects really interesting, since they are almost always really awesome, or complete trainwrecks. But both and am equally willing to watch all the way through. Even if the CGI is really goddamn bad.
This is the best horror movie I've seen all year, and that is saying a lot and a little at the same time. While sure, the opening is kinda lame and exposition is ham-fisted and there is the most random lesbians ever, the premise and scares of Cuckoo are very unique and a fascinating watch. It's a major shame this movie got pushed out of theaters really fast, because I would have loved to rewatched it and experienced the madness all over again. Keep an open mind throughout the movie, but definitely check it out!
Fuck you Terrifier 3! Because of you I can't put Civil War as the movie that pissed me off the most this year. Terrifier 3 should probably actually be called Terrible 3 because it's willfully bad. It's bad at being scary, it's bad at being funny (usually), and it's bad at writing a satisfying character arc for any of it's characters. And I am convinced it's doing poorly on purpose. The creator of this movie has it's fans curled around his pinky, and nothing he can do who get them untwisted. Telling this to Terrifier fans is like screaming into a jet turbine, I'm aware, but maybe they should stick to the dark web for their snuff films instead of bringing it onto the silver screen.
More movies should be like Saturday Night. There is an energy, pacing, and fluidity to this movie that was simply unmatched this year, and I was all the way there for it. I actually rewatched this movie after I wrote me review. And I came to the conclusion that a lot of my criticisms of the movie were wrong. Like Lorne Micheals is too perfect? What the hell was I talking about? Anyway, this movie is really good. Since I'm not gonna be watching Nosferatu, I can say this is the best movie I've seen with Willem Dafoe.
I really didn't want to do this, but there's no denying it. The Watchers is really bad. But instead of getting angry, it just makes me feel sad. I'm sad this first time creative clearly put their heart into something so laughably awful. I do sincerely hope Ishana keeps trying to make movies if that is something she is passionate about. I also hope that she picks someone besides her father to emulate. It's a bad sign if you out Shyamalan M. Night, okay. Also she should get a more consistent effects team. I still think upon that floating computer screen and laugh.
One of the "Didn't Come To My Theater" movies had to make it on here, they were all three so good! But the best definitely was Hundreds of Beavers. This movie is funny, smart, and an entertaining blast from beginning to end. I'm not going to say watch this movie, because this is a movie that you should be shown. It's perfect, "Hey, check out this awesome thing!" film, and I don't want to deprive anybody who has already seen it the pleasure of showing it off. Seriously, find out if any of your friends have seen this movie and ask them to show it to you if you haven't. If you have seen this movie, get your friends and family around and show it to them.
The only thing more insufferable than this movie and it's plot of literally nothing, is watching film snobs defend this movie and say that it's nothing plot is actually the most interesting this ever put to film. I don't buy "The filmmakers did it on purpose!" excuse for movies. If they knew it was bad, why are they doing it? I cannot think of an experience I've had that was more boring that Zone of Interest. I'd call the cinematic equivalent of watching paint dry, but at least when that's over your wall is a new color.
This movie is beautiful. I'm so glad that I saw this movie when I did, it was exactly what I needed at the time I needed it. The couple in it are tragic and real, but also sappy and gorgeous. I love the plot, the humor, and the full on vibes. We Live In Time is probably my go to movie now whenever I need to cry, which is much more often than I would care to admit.
So does Russell Crowe not do good movies anymore? He wasn't in Gladiator II which was a really fun movie, but he decided to be in Land of Bad, Kraven the Hunter, and this pile of shit? I did eventually come around to understand what the hell I watched when I was sitting through The Exorcism, but let me tell ya, there was a lot of sleepless nights until that happened. It takes a special breed of bad to be so bad-it's-funny-until-it-isn't. And before you say anything, I do like horror movies. The reason most of the list of worst movies are horror movies is because it was mostly horror movies that came out this year, aight?
The Killer's Game rocks, I do not even care what critics said. It's a whole ton of fun, with great action, interesting characters, and the plot is actually heartfelt and extremely interesting. Unlike some other movies that I liked and critics or audiences didn't, I haven't really looked into why The Killer's Game got bad reviews. I think there's just a bias against straight actions movies within critic circles. That's fine, I'll watch them if no one else will. Keep putting Dave Batista in stuff too, he's great!
Got to love a horror movie with nothing scary in it and instead it just tries to gross you out. And by that I mean you need to repulse its very nature. The Front Room is not only terrible, but it thinks it's really clever when it's as shallow as a puddle. And not one of ginormous puddles that sticks around for days and days, destroying the concrete and someone's lawn. Nah, this is one of those puddles that are in the middle of slightly divoted sidewalks that you don't bother to walk around because it doesn't even clear the soles of your shoes. Anyway, this movies sucks so only watch it if you have a scat fetish.
Great Primus is this movie spectacular! The animation of Transformer One is spectacular, the action is fast and fun, but the real star of the show is the story. There was a lot of plots about the downtrodden rising up against the society that keeps them down this year, and by far this one is the best one this year. I will always appreciate the time that this movie takes establishing that you can go too far when fighting oppression and become the oppressor yourself. There is only one other movie that I saw more than this one all year, but well get to that right after the...
Honorable and Dishonorable Mentions
Just real quick, here's some movies that I feel bad for cutting because either they are really good and I didn't have space, or I want to give them one more insult and I didn't have space. Honorable Mentions in no particular order: Fly Me To The Moon (Stylish and exciting, little bit of structural problems.), Late Night With The Devil (Really cool premise I want to see more of, don't use AI next time!), Monkey Man (Had a great time both times, but I rarely think back on it compared to some others) Immaculate (Surprisingly good, but still not quite 10 worthy.), and Red One (The dialogue really held this one back, but still a whole lot of fun.). And the Dishonorable Mentions in no particular order: Civil War (It would be on if not for Terrifier 3 and Zone of Interest), Horizon Part One (Oh hey, they are making a series that this movie should have been FROM THE START.), Kinds of Kindness (The longer I think about this movie the worse it gets, but it's still an interesting watch.), The Crow (JUST DO REVENGE MURDER ALREADY!), and It Ends With Us (I already said it in the review, but find better porn Middle Aged Cis Straight White Women.).
My Least Favorite Movie Of The Year
This movie. This movie has everything bad I've seen in a movie this year in it. Bad acting? Yes. Terrible script? You betcha. Nonsensical directing? Out it's ears. Most of the people who bought a ticket walked out? Oh you better believe it! Bad music? Not really, actually. If you put a gun to my head, I couldn't say that these individual elements are worse than some of the other movies on this list. But what elevates Back To Black to the worst of the worst (or should I say descend emeh meh.) is the reason it exists, and the moral the writer director is pushing onto the audience. Back To Black tell you it's okay to be an abusive spouse. And that's why it is the worst of the year.
Okay, now onto the best. Drum roll please....
The Absolute Best Movie Of The Year
Is anyone surprised by this? I've only compared like every movie that has come out and I liked to this one. I watched this movie two and a half times while it was in theater, and twice more after it left. This movie is probably in my favorite movies of all time now. The Fall Guy is heartfelt, hilarious, has good action, a great romance, and features unconventional heroes. If you have not seen the Fall Guy, well I'm not going to tell you that you have to. But it's really damn good and easily the best movie I've seen this year.
And this is Au Revoir friends! I hope you've enjoyed this exploration of my mind through the medium of film reviews! Or to put it in a less wank-y way, I hope you enjoyed watching me go nuts over a bunch of movies. May we never meet again!
