I've spent most of my life dressing alternatively, and I'd always get mad when someone would say something like it was "just a phase" and that I'd "grow out of it" because it's how I've been my whole life, so why would I? I also never understood why people who dressed cool or did cool stuff just stopped one day. But now I realize it's not always by choice. Instead of different colored hair almost every week since I was 9, my hair's just black now, short too, like barely at my chin. Most days I wear jeans and a sweater; it still looks nice, but it's nothing unique. I barely do my makeup anymore either. I've lost motivation for A LOT of things in the past couple years, but I never thought this would be one of them. I've stopped drawing, reading, and writing. I don't enjoy going to parties, shows, or going out in general much either, so all the stuff I used to enjoy, like dressing up and looking cool, was always the one thing that stuck with me, and now it feels like I've lost that too.
I don't know if it's the lack of motivation or if it really was all "just a phase," and this is me finally growing up. I don't feel grown up at all, and if growing up means losing everything that made me unique, I really don't want it. I don't even have a plan for what I want to do when I'm an adult anyways my grades are horrible, and I'll be staying an extra year in school most likely, so what could I even get into? And honestly, even if I had the most perfect grades, even if an amazing job was handed to me on a silver platter, I have no desire to do anything. I never planned that far ahead, and no matter what I do, I still can't. I wish I could just fall off the face of the earth and honestly I might.
