Tolkien's women dying of grief because their husbands have died and their husbands are their only cause for living is his version of "dying in childbirth".
Tolkien might write a variety of excellent, strong and fascinating women (not as many as male characters, of course, let's not be crazy here) but the opinions reflected in his personal writing that most women are defined by men, and usually one man, that their abilities almost hinge on how much a man can inspire and interest them, that on falling in love she loses grip of everything else, does show up in his fictional writing too, which just how prevalent the "husband dies because of combination of the plot and his own personality" and "woman dies because husband dies" trope is in his writing.
And it's like, Eowyn has a speech about this. She rages to the heavens that women are told "you're place is in the home, and after the men are dead you can be burned in the home, because the men don't need it anymore". He has Eowyn literally call out this phenomena that a woman becomes dispensable after her husband dies, that it the husband, loving the husband, tending the husband, responding to the husband, that gives her life meaning, and with him gone there's nothing left for her to do but die. But then his writing of women is filled with that very same principle, with even Eowyn's mother "dying of grief" after Eomund's death.
And that's particularly irritating because Theodwyn wasn't even an elf, for whom grief was genuinely fatal. She was a mortal woman who just "died of grief".
Like, how? Did she kill herself? Starve herself? Was she already unwell and the loss of Eomund caused her to give up receiving treatment? It doesn't matter, the specifics don't matter because the specifics would mean Theodwyn made actual choices, it would mean showing how Theodwyn took steps to bring about her death, it would mean that maybe Theodwyn could have lived after Eomund's death, that Eomund's loss did not inevitable mean her own demise, it would mean she could have chosen otherwise, but didn't.
We know the specifics of Eomund's death. His fury, his love for horses, his hot headedness, he loathing of orcs. We know the wider context of the conflict he died in, his own personal traits and motivations for going to fight, and the manner of his death. But Theodwyn's death is just a passive "and she died of grief", as though this was a natural occurrence she was helpless to avoid. Eomund was dead, so Theodwyn was dead, because Theodwyn was Eomund's accessory, and once Eomund was gone, there was nothing left for Theodwyn to do but die as well.
A Rohan Secret Santa gift for @celeluwhenfics! Happy holidays! ❄️
Summary: For all her life, Éowyn has worn winter as a second skin. (Or, a study of Éowyn, amid various winters.)
Rating: G
Word Count: 2.7k
Dead. It is a hollow word, Éowyn thinks, as hollow and heavy and brief as the thud of the door as her mother slams it in the face of the messenger.
Dead. It holds no meaning for her; meaning slips like water over stones, trickling, vanishing. What is death to her father’s laugh, as bright and living as the dance of flames? What is death to the rumble of his voice in his chest, like the tumbling of stones, as she leans her head against him?
She has been permitted to hear little of the news, but she gleans what she can from standing in the shadows, sifting words. And there are many of those—flurries of them, falling as fast as the late snow that falls white through the open door, left ajar and forgotten in the bustle of aunts that surround her mother. The snow will melt, come morning; it has never stuck in any of Éowyn’s years. Winters in the Mark are a thing of winds and frost, with only a dusting of snow on the coldest days that turns to water beneath the cold brilliance of the rising sun.
The orcs bore torches, she hears, and rose silent and sudden from the rocks of the Emyn Muil like a wall of flames in the night and then set fire to the corpses.
Corpses. It is the first time she has heard the word and known it to be used in place of a name, a beating heart, the warm hands that first lifted her into a saddle and took the reins and led her gently around the paddock.
Wearily, he rubbed his forehead, his eyes noting how she stood firmly on her feet. Her back was straight – an antithesis to her tumultuous blonde hair – and her jaw was set. It reminded him of his sister.
He sighed again, because it seemed his lecture on safety had fallen on deaf ears so audaciously.
He placed his hands at his waist, but then crossed his arms before dropping them at his sides.
It was easier being a ruler than a parent.
“You still do not think you have done something wrong, Nérael?” He asked.
She scoffed and raised her chin even higher.
Stubborn! Éomer, blessed and beloved King of the Mark, could not quite comprehend just how stubborn his firstborn was being. Had he been like this as well at the tender age of fourteen?
Ah, but his life had been different. She had not lost both her parents, nor had she been forced to move to another part of Rohan when she had been eleven. Her life had been as stable as a mountain.
“Thunderbolt knows me, Father,” she replied, “I have spent nights and days looking after him ever since he was born – “
Just like he had with Firefoot.
“And he trusts me enough to ride without a saddle.“
His mother Théodwyn had had that kind of understanding with her mare.
“Riding, yes, but balancing on your hands while trying to steer him with your feet? You fell thrice – “
“Five times, actually.” She flicked back a curl. “I shall not learn how to do it if I do not actually do it.”
“You do not have to learn it!”
“Uncle Amrothos can do it – “
“You are not Amrothos! Béma’s ba – Béma’s beard, Nérael!” Éomer exclaimed. “You are unashamedly obstinate!”
He noticed her flinch at his booming voice, and at once all his frustration dissipated. He could not bear to see her upset. He wanted better for her.
Even if she was stubborn and reckless, just like him. Just like her grandfather, Éomund.
It was her inheritance, and try as he might, he could not separate her from it. He could only attempt to balance it with sensibility.
Éomer sighed again and drew closer to her. Resting a gentle hand against her cheek, he made her meet his gaze.
“Nera, if something were to happen to you, it would devastate me. Surely you cannot blame me for worrying about you?”
There was a flicker of shame and understanding in her sharp grey eyes – just like her mother’s - she looked away. It took her a moment to murmur her reply. “Nay.”
This was enough reflection, he decided. “Thank you.”
They shared a smile.
“From now on, someone will be at your side when you try any more tricks – “
Her smile quickly gave way to a frown. “Father!”
“And you must also receive some consequence for your reckless behaviour – “
“Father, that is not fair!”
The furious stomp on the ground made him bite his lip to contain his grin. Did she inherit her temper from Firefoot, too?
“I am afraid I must insist, Nera, or your siblings shall accuse me of giving you a preferential treatment.”
“Those two little rats,“ Nera hissed, her fists now clenched at her side, “They are just jealous.“
Éomer chuckled, and at this, he was relieved that Lothíriel was not nearby, for she would rightfully accuse him of spoiling his eldest. He cleared his throat and straightened his back. “Be that as it may, Nérael. For a fortnight starting today, you shall be responsible for mucking out Thunderbolt’s stable – “
Nera gasped out loud, her eyes bulging from shock. “Father!”
A deep frown formed on his forehead as he continued to speak over her protests. “And you shall do it exactly to the liking of the Stablemaster.”
“But I am the King’s daughter!”
“From your antics it appears you are more the King’s jester!”
Nera’s body stiffened with anger, but then suddenly she relaxed and took a deep, calming breath. “Very well.”
Éomer raised his brows in surprise.
“Very well,” she repeated and she began braiding her hair into a knot, “I shall do it and you know what, Father?”
He nodded for her to continue.
“The bond between Thunderbolt and I shall be the better for it. Permission to go change, milord?”
The milord was only partially sardonic and he gestured for her to take her leave.
As she walked out with her head held high, Éomer thought of Théodred. Not only had he been the one to handle the troubled teenager Éomer had been, but he had had a steely resolve to face his challenges head-on.
And it seemed that Nérael had taken after her uncle as well.
men of middle-earth ❅ northmen ❅ headcanon disclaimer
The Riders of Rohan were traditionally led by three Marshals of the Riddermark, numbered in order of seniority. The Second and Third Marshals were assigned duties as circumstances determined, but the First Marshal always had the same responsibility, to command the Muster of Edoras and its surrounding lands. At the time of the War of the Ring, the First Marshal was King Théoden himself, while the Second Marshal was the King’s son Théodred, based in Helm’s Deep, and the Third Marshal was the King’s nephew Éomer, based in Aldburg, who had inherited the position of Marshal from his father Éomund.
After Théodred’s death at the Battle of the Fords of Isen, the traditional ranks were no longer strictly adhered to, and the post of the Second Marshal was effectively filled by Elfhelm, though he was never officially granted the title. The position of First Marshal was effectively vacated as Théoden King fell under the thrall of Gríma Wormtongue, and when Théoden regained mastery of himself he took command of Helm’s Deep during the Battle of the Hornburg. That battle was dark and dreadful, but on the dawn of the third day, Gandalf appeared with the éored of Erkenbrand, and his miraculous arrival turned the tide of the battle.
When the Rohirrim rode to Gondor, Théoden left Erkenbrand in command of those forces that remained behind. With Théoden were the King’s Riders, the personal éored of the King himself, led by the brave and faithful Déorwine. In the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, Déorwine and six of his men fell defending their lord, and Théoden also perished, leaving his nephew Éomer to inherit the throne.
Upon the coronation of Éomer Éadig, the new King reorganized the duties of the Marshals. Instead of three Marshals differentiated by seniority, he appointed two Marshals, one for each half of the land; Elfhelm was given the title of Marshal of the East-mark, while Erkenbrand was named the Marshal of the West-mark. Éomer maintained leadership of the forces of Edoras, with the warrior Marhath as his second-in-command, and together these mighty soldiers of Rohan defended their people in the dawn of the Fourth Age.
How do you think the Grima and Saruman plot in Rohan would have gone down if Theodwyn had still been alive? Or Eomund? Or Edhild?
An interesting question! Though I think it’s one that’s almost impossible to answer simply because we know so little of the women.
Theodwyn, as a woman in Rohan already would have had limited access to direct political power. And, as a widow tending to her husband’s estate on behalf of her son, would likely not have been very present at court in Edoras. I suspect she would not have left Aldburg that often as she had the Marshallate to oversee and her children to raise.
The tl;dr is: I suspect her being alive would not have been relevant to the success or failure of Grima and Saruman.
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Longer musings on Theodwyn, Elfhild and Eomund:
We know very little about Theodwyn save that she was Theoden’s sister and died of heartbreak after Eomund went and got himself killed. Indeed, we know basically nothing about her that is useful in determining how she might have intervened had she become aware of Saruman’s plans.
Personally, I don’t get badass powerhouse vibes from her, honestly. Which is totally fair and I don’t think every woman needs to be Eowyn-I-Am-Not-Like-The-Other-Girls Strong Female Character to be worthy of being considered interesting and dynamic. But yeah, I get a very passive vibe from Theodwyn. But that’s just my read on her.
Theodwyn and Elfhild suffer the way almost all women do in Tolkien’s world of having almost no story and zero characterisation. Lothiriel, Arwen to a lesser degree but still, Finduilas etc. are really nothing more than names. Which is frustrating! and it drives me batty.
For both Theodwyn and Elfhild all we know are names, who their male relatives are, and that they were able to make heirs for their husbands. All the important things, clearly.
Based on Eowyn’s position at court (and her deep frustration and anger about it), I think it can be safely argued that women don’t play a strong role in the political world of Rohan. Eowyn describes her life as being in a gilded cage - no real power, limited agency. I think that’s very telling of the role Theodwyn and Elfhild would have occupied.
Not to say that they wouldn’t have been able to influence and inform decisions made by their spouses, but they would not have been privy to war councils or the daily Politicking that Theoden and Eomund got up to. Men are clearly the dominant leaders in Rohan and the gender roles and expectations in this country run along a strict binary that favours a militarized hyper-masculinity.
While Elfhild and Theodwyn would have defended their homes when the men went to war (as Eowyn does in the books), it would have been only if no other “appropriate” man was present to taken on this role (again, as happens in the books. Though props to Hama, real MVP, and member of the Eowyn fanclub).
Any influence Elfhild or Theodwyn had over the decisions of Theoden or Eomund would have been behind the scenes and very much a “soft power” approach. And this is assuming their spouses were open to listening to them.
I know we all wish this wasn’t the case, and we want an Elfhild and Theodwyn who were super active and influential in the politics and manoeuvrings of their country - but based on the text, that probably wasn’t the case. It’s a fandom head-canon.
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Now, all of this said, Elfhild being alive may have caused a bit of a hiccup or challenge for Grima exerting control over Theoden. However, Grima is very good at manipulating people and situations, so could possibly have undermined their relationship. We don’t know enough about Theoden and Elfhild as a couple to really determine how that would have gone.
Also, remember, no one really knew of Grima’s treason. When Gandalf went to warn Theoden in October of 3018 it was about the incursions and plans of Saruman. It’s unclear if he made any mention of Grima’s role in it. It can be interpreted that Eomer knew, or at the very least had suspicions, but otherwise I think we can safely assume, based on the text, no one else knew.
(Eomer can also be read as not having known at all; he was under house arrest because he threatened Grima with death in the king’s hall which is against the law. And that, it’s implied, was over Grima ogling Eowyn.)
Grima was seen as a trusted advisor to the king - if anything, Eilfhild may have leaned on him as her husband started “ailing” and become more and more unable to fulfill his duties as king. Theodred seems to have been fairly absent as heir so I don’t know how much of the day to day duties he was able, or willing, to undertake.
So, the dynamics of the court during Theoden’s witchcraft-imposed infirmity, may have been really interesting and not as black/white as it might come across at first blush.
As noted at the top, Theodwyn would have been managing the Third Marshalate until Eomer was of age, so she wouldn’t have been very present at court. And after he came of age, she would probably remain in Aldburg to help manage things while he was off seeing to his other duties and working to try and slow Saruman’s steady creep into Rohan. So, I don’t see her having lived after Eomund’s death heavily impacting anything. Also, like with Elfhild, we don’t know what the relationship was between Theodwyn and her brother.
So if just the two women had survived, not Eomund, I can see Elfhild more than Theodwyn posing a potential roadblock for Grima and Saruman. But, that’s only if:
a) she knew about, or suspected, Grima’s treason;
b) she and Theoden were close and they had a relationship that could weather whatever wrenches Grima would throw into the mix; and
c) she were the kind of person to take a very active political role to fill the void left by Theoden’s absence.
Like Theodwyn, we don’t really know who Elfhild was as a person. Was she the sort to try and take control of a situation? or was she more likely to have simply seen to her own duties and tended her husband without really getting involved (In the way that Eowyn tended her uncle as he “ailed” but didn’t get involved politically at court. But a wife has privileges a niece does not).
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However, if Eomund had been alive that might have influenced events in a different way. Maybe. It would mean another member of the House of Eorl to contend with and neutralize, on Grima’s side. However, Eomund was hot headed and prone to doing really stupid shit without thinking and I suspect Grima could easily manipulate him into either a compromising situation or to ride to his death.
Eomund being alive would have freed Eomer up to focus more on his efforts against Saruman, which he wasn’t able to do to the degree he wanted to as Third Marshal (he laments about this to Aragorn when the four three hunters first arrive in Rohan).
Having the full family alive would also have provided an additional barrier/more people for Theoden to lean on making it more difficult for Grima to wheedle his way into Theoden’s head. It also may have changed the dynamic at court and kept Theoden himself more hopeful about the future which may have, in turn, informed Grima’s own decisions about how to approach the war with Sauron and its potential outcomes.
Grima gave into Reasonable Despair, which I suspect was partially fuelled by Theoden’s own personal misery about his aging, his perceived inability to rise to the occasion, his own despair at the future. That’s a contagious mindset. Despair is easy to fall into and it breeds more despair. Hope is hard. But, if you have a lot of people around who are relying on you, who are supporting you, who are helping you - that changes things entirely.
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I suppose the long and short is: WhO kNoWs??? hahaha
I’m very sorry about the novel this became but thank you so much for the ask! I really enjoyed gaming things out and I hope it somewhat answered your question <3 <3
