Ok so since my app is being a shit again I decided to try recovering memories. I was aiming for Roxy based on something that happened earlier but i had to go for Eridan Captor instead bc I guess that's more the shift I'm in now.
- first thing I recalled was trolling karkat maryam. I was saying to him "damn kar, so after all I've done for you you won't go out with me" (which btw shit move ericap) and he replied with "no eridan i wont" and i wrote "its not even like we'll be ( ) or anything" and kar reiterated that no, he wasn't interested in that at this time. I got kinda pissed, staring at the green text on my screen and feeling like he was jerking me around(?) so i wrote back a surly "fine!" And stalked off away from the computer, curled up in a corner and cried. (I had a headache in this mem so maybe that soooort of explains why i was being an ass. Idk. )
I'm not sure if kar had been giving me mixed messages leading up to this, or if i was just desperate? I seemed to think it wasn't unreasonable but there's no telling how much of that is an accurate reflection of our interactions
-i then remembered arguing with Sollux Makara over something. I distinctly remember his facepaint so I'm probably going to sketch that later, it had like jagged line edges around the sides of the mouth and under the eyes. I think he still wore his shades, and when i saw him his eyes were glowing purple with chucklevoodoos? I tried picturing him with normal troll eyes but that looked wrong so i think he always kinda looked like that. I don't recall what he fight was but it ended with him slapping my face i think (not super hard though) and i think that's what led into the memory of me storming off on the beach and grumbling angrily about him.
- i also tried to remember my godtier look - definitely doom aspect, and try as i might I could only picture canon Eridan's white wand as my weapon? My godrobes were princelike as well.
- I don't think everyone was godtier when fighting the Black King. I feel like Sollux wasn't at least.
-when I attacked the black king, it angered him and i think he struck me with something like a tentacle limb? (Idk how prototyping went so i dunno if that's accurate). But he struck me super hard into the eyes in such a way it badly damaged them, especially since my glasses were on my face (whoops).
-I remembered getting smacked across the room and into a wall by my bear lusus. I guess I hadn't given him the honey i needed to in time? And he got really angry and just swung at me with one of those big paws. I feel like this is an earlier memory, and the reason behind why my headaches were so bad and so frequent, since i hit my head hard. I felt like I retaliated with my powers in a non fatal way, but now i feel more like maybe i just thought about it, or did it at a later point in time.
-I remembered a memory with Karkat Maryam, probably before getting rejected. He was helping me by treating my wounds, i guess i had lashed out in anger over something and seriously hurt my hand in the process? Whatever i did it had warranted a small lecture from him as he applied bandages and whatnot. I wasn't listening though, i was too busy feeling the essence of 'have you ever seen a troll so beautiful you just started crying' lmao.
- kar was wearing a red longnecked tank in this memory, and his hair and features were pretty soft. His eyelashes were fairly long too.
-my last memory was of feferi pyrope, i was trying to recall what she looked like. Shorter and chubby, her hair was still long and curly, she wore glasses and was blinded i guess. I feel like that was something related to me and my abilities, maybe sort of paralleling how sollux lost control of his powers (thanks to vriska) and hit aradia. (Though in my case i feel like i just legit lost control and fef was an unfortunate bystander) So eridan captor is... a complicated tl for me it seems. Kind of a jerk tbh. But it seems like there was a lot of shit as an undercurrent so idk if that balances it out or not.