I went through all the Eric Derekson clips from the Stand Up 2 Cancer livestream and fucking hell, that poor man! I loved him from the start when I watched it live back then, but never really paid much attention to what he said.
Let me share the facts about Eric in case you didn’t know:
- He went to school despite hating it.
- All his 14 brothers died in a tragic bus accident when they all decided to go camping in an old schoolbus they bought on an auction for 3 dollars. They didn’t invite Eric, but took his dog with them.
- He has never been invited to a party.
- He is a Libra.
- His mom, Mildred, died in a seperate bus accident.
- He doesn’t have any feet.
- He never wanted to sell things, but wanted a farm.
- He likes animals but they keep dying around him.
- He found a bird and it just exploded.
- Had a brother with no hands and a brother with no eyes.
- He found bugs and brought them home. Turned out to be termites and they ate the house down.
- Got a horse and kept it in the stable. It ate fireworks and exploded.
- He used to have a girlfriend. They went on a few dates. She liked the aquarium, so he took her there. She fell into the penguin enclosure and was torn to shreds by the penguins.
- He wanted children, but believed he would never “get lucky” so went to a sperm bank. The bank got robbed while he was there and they took everything. He “has nothing left”
Goddamn!