#erinstartsablog

[erinstartsablog]

5/15

I don't know why I let you get to me so much. I've moved on, I don't care about you anymore. But if that's true how can you still make me feel this way?

[erinstartsablog]

3/19/14

I love rainy days, the kind of quiet peaceful drizzley ones complimented by the Ed sheeran station on pandora. Hot tea, warm feel good clothes to complete the picture.

[erinstartsablog]

3/18/14

I'm thinking about 9/11 today. It was brought up in my psych textbook and it got me thinking of how terrible it was, how it still is. I'm scared because it could easily happen again, I'm scared because my family could be destroyed if it did. I'm thinking about how my parents know people who died in 9/11 and how my uncle was one of the firefighters in 9/11. My memory of 9/11 is seeing my mom cry as she watched the news. I didn't understand what was going on, but I cried because my mom was. God bless those who lost their lives in this tragedy, and those who survived.

[erinstartsablog]

3/16/14

I wish people were nicer to each other more. Everyone is constantly trying to tear each other down, when its so much easier to be nice. I mean just saying you like someone's outfit, or that you think their funny or cute or nice can make their day that much better. People underestimate the power of a kind word.

[erinstartsablog]

Friends are all I need. I could be the poorest person in the world and I'd still be happy as long as I had friends and family.

[erinstartsablog]

I think that the reason the concept of the Hunger Games, and the District, and the Capitol is so disturbing is because its completely possible, its not something that would never happen. The fact that that might be the kind of world our children or grandchildren might live in, that's what is truly frightening about this series.

[erinstartsablog]

So here's the thing. I'm not sure if I want to do track. I don't even like it. The only part about it I like is my friends. So why am I doing it? Because it will make my parents happy, and I don't know how to tell them I don't want to. Because it looks good on college apps. But those aren't good enough reasons to do something. It doesn't make me happy, and lately I've been feeling.. not happy. Not sad, but not happy. More like empty. I don't want to waste my time doing something that I don't like instead of finding a way to be happy. My parents are understanding, but I don't like disappointing them. I can't do it. I need to find an excuse for not doing it, but the only thing I can think of is getting hurt and I'm not about to go get hit by a car so that I don't have to do track. This shouldn't be this hard. 

[erinstartsablog]

300 trial, page 21, and other struggles

Today was a long and awful day. Waking up sucked. I couldn't bear to tear myself out of bed for half an hour and ended up not having time to finish breakfast or pack a lunch. First period was fine. Third was great, I love psychology. Fifth wasn't too shabby, but I have a test in it on Friday that I'm screwed for. Seventh was super boring, but otherwise fine. Then came after school--the real hassle. It was work night for newspaper, and what with the Boston trip and everything I'm WAY behind. I had to leave work night early, even though I couldn't really afford to (page 21 needs some serious work) so that I could go to a time trial for indoor track. Which time trial? The 300, my worst race. I was with a group of people who were fast, I felt awkward, I didn't have time to warm up or stretch and I felt so sick after I finished. I made the time, but at what cost? All I wanted to do was go home and curl up in bed with tea and a book but no, I had to go back to newspaper and work on my layout for a little longer before everyone called it a day. It's still not done, we're exporting tomorrow, I'm stressing out. However, I'm not done yet. No, I have to go to the National Honor Society induction ceremony at seven. So I had time to go home, shower, get dressed, eat dinner, and leave. That lasted a little over an hour, which isn't too bad. Now I'm at home trying to figure out how I'm going to tackle all the work I have over the next few days. I might have to cancel the first date I've had in a long time on Saturday because of all the work I have to do. I have so much to catch up on I'm so incredibly stressed. I just want to relax and drink tea and read and braid my hair and look out the window and watch the rain and pet my dog and go to coffee shops and is this really too much to ask? I don't even like running. I hate testing. I just want to cut myself off from responsibility for a little while.