#escafeismfirstlove

[escafeism]

What if? What if I never get over you? What if I woke up and your voice already echoes in my head even before I open my eyes? What if I can see you in every thing, and every place I go? What if that time I was waiting for isn’t certain?–the time that I’ll finally get over you? I see you in my past and my future, and it aches my heart that I couldn’t have you in my present. What if I was the one who broke my heart and not you? I became so damaged because of the fabricated image of me and you that I have weaved in my mind for so long? What if we weren’t really made for each other from the start? What if you were made for someone else and I am made for myself? With just a glimpse of an eye, I witnessed how you turned into a “what if” when all along I thought you are already my “what is”. Was I wrong at that too? For thinking that you have given me the reassurance and certainty I always thought that was here?

you used to be my “what is” (letterstoliane)

[escafeism]

You will always be my biggest what if.

what if we ended up together? L.S.

[escafeism]

I’d like to tell him “Please don’t fall for anyone else” but I am way too late because he already did.

M.A

[escafeism]

           When I first saw your face, you’re just a normal person. A person whom I never thought that would mean so much to me. It started with a tease, we would always fight and mock each other and I would always tell myself, “Who would ever fall for a person like that? well, even if there is, it’s not me”. Days pass by, I never thought these feelings of mine would go deeper. I never thought I would eat my own words and fall for that person slowly.  I knew it was just a splash of bliss I’m feeling and I’m not really sure about it. Or so I thought “it’s just a silly crush anyways.” And then I’ve admitted to myself that I have feelings for this person. Time flies so swiftly, years have passed, I have stopped loving and thinking about it. I thought I’m finally over it, but......I’m wrong. The feeling still lingers. You can really never stop loving a person, it is either you still love that person or you never did. If the feeling is still there, it simply means, it never left...

           For the person whom I love, you may haven’t felt my feelings because of my inability to show my true self to you, but may you always remember that “From the very beginning, I’ve always loved you.”

P.S 

I love you still and I always will.

--M.A

[escafeism]

When I first met you, I could never have imagined how far we'd have come. First we were strangers, then friends, then best friends, and here we are now as lovers. There will never be a day when I forget to count you as a blessing because baby I know there is no one else in the world that is as perfect for me as you

[escafeism]

You will always be my biggest what if.

what if we ended up together?

[escafeism]

Tanong

Sa dami ng mabubulaklaking salitang binitawan mo, minsan naiisip ko kung meron ba dung naging totoo? Na... sa kabila ng sinasabi ng iba na hindi mo naman ako minahal, may tanong pa din sa puso ko kung... hidni nga ba talaga? Deep down, gusto kong maniwala na kahit katiting, mula sa kaibuturan ng puso mo, minahal mo rin ako o kahit nagustuhan man lang. Hindi na kita mahal. Masaya na ako sa iba pero hindi ko alam kung bakit ba kung minsan ay hindi pa din ako pinapatahimik ng mga tanong sa isip ko. Nag-iingay at nanggugulo pa din sila sa isip ko lalo na tuwing madaling-araw o hatinggabi na hindi ako makatulog. Tila ba yung nakaraan ko pilit na humahabol at sumisiksik sa kasalukuyan. Ayaw ko ng makaapekto ka pa maging sa hinaharap ko. Kung minsan, gusto kitang tanungin pero ang pathetic lang kasi ilang taon na eh. Ilang taon na nga ba? Puta ang tagal-tagal na bakit ngayon pa ko nag-iinarte? Pero closure lang naman hinihiling ko eh. Or should I say, gusto ko lang maliwanagan. Para hindi na ako guluhin pa ng mga tanong na ‘to na paulit-ulit tumatakbo sa isip ko. Gusto ko nang makakawala ng tuluyan sa ala-ala mo. Sa ala-alang minahal at sinaktan ako ng taong kagaya mo sa pagbibigay ng pag-asa na maaring magkaroon ng “tayo”. Kaya please, sabihin mo... kahit papapano ba, may kinapuntahan lahat ng ginawa ko noon? May napala ba ako sa panahong nasayang ko? Hindi na kita gusto at mas lalong hindi na kita mahal pero ikaw? Kahit kaunti ba... minahal mo din ako noon? Alam ko na wala na din namang mababago sa sitwasyon kahit malaman ko yung kasagutan na nais ko sa mga tanong pero nakakapagod na kasi at nakakarindi na rin ang ingay na ginagawa nila dito sa isip ko. Kaya... pakiusap, sagutin mo na lang. Minahal mo ba talaga ko? Para sa wakas, tuluyan na kitang mapakawalan.

[escafeism]

As much as I hate to admit it, you will always have a special place in my heart and a part of me will always love this false image of you.

first love (L.S.)