#esfjs

[valiantly-onward]

Not to be biased on main, but ESFJs make some of the best fictional characters

[al1s65]

When you're feeling bad, and your ESFJ friend treats you like their child 🫶🫶

[infjedi]

Good day. I'm having some trouble figuring out the specifics of my type. Si and Fe are my certain Dom/Aux functions but the ordering is something I'm struggling with. I've read up on ESFJs and ISFJs quite a bit but I still don't know which one I am. Could you direct me to any links, possibly going into the shadow functions or more into inferior/tert functions, so I can have a bit more material to work with? Better yet, do you have any advice? Thank you for reading!

I hope this helps! 

When first meeting someone, it is not difficult for the ESFJ to get to know the person better. ISFJs make friends easily as well, but may be more standoffish or quiet at first. 

ESFJs are more likely to host a big get-together whereas ISFJs are more likely to cater to others’ needs at an event. ESFJs like to control how things will benefit everyone where ISFJs will help others working with what it is already going on. ISFJs certainly host as well, but they are more likely to only invite a select few close friends where ESFJs will invite a lot of friends, even some that are not necessarily in their inner circle. 

When a conflict arises, ESFJs are more likely state their stance on the matter where an ISFJ is usually more passive aggressive or keep their anger or hurt feelings to themselves. Although ESFJs are more likely to let the other party know what is going on, neither type enjoys conflict. 

ISFJs are more likely out of the two to ignore their own personal needs to better suit the interests of others. They are also more likely out of the two to have their kindness taken advantage of. 

Under stress, an ISFJ’s inferior Ne may see all new possibilities in a negative, often exaggerated light. This can give them a lot of anxiety. They can become scattered. This may be why they are usually described as not being as open to change. Read more on ISFJ’s inferior function here.

An ESFJ under stress may be uncharacteristically withdrawn and pensive. They will get stuck inside their head, usually thinking up negative thoughts of others or oneself. Read more on ESFJ’s inferior function here.

[infjedi]

Developing Your Type – ESFJ

ESFJ Practical Contributor: Communicate and Cooperate

“Many hands make light work.”

12.3 % of the population

Type Dynamics for the ESFJ

Dominant (Fe): Outwardly decisive, collaborative and sensitive to needs of people

Auxiliary (Si): Inwardly focused on the practicalities and realities of each situation

Tertiary (N): As they mature, consider broader possibilities to enhance human potential

Inferior (Ti): Developmental challenge is to assess situations logically and objectively

The ESFJ Preferred Mode

Practical Contributors use Extraverted Feeling (Fe) as their core approach to work and living. This outward, collaborative, results-oriented approach tends to accomplish results using the best talents of the people involved.

Practical Contributors thrive in situations where they can harness the energy of a group of people toward a mutually beneficial goal. They often take on and enjoy supervisory roles. If you are a Practical Contributor, you are likely at your best when you are working with others cooperatively to accomplish direct results.

Adding a Secondary Approach

To avoid moving down the wrong path or making inaccurate decisions, Practical Contributors tend to pay attention to the facts and realities of a situation. This secondary approach ensures their plan of action is helpful and useful. By using an approach that is both personal and realistic, Practical Contributors can provide efficient products or services to assist or serve people.

Development Pathway

ESFJs will likely be convinced to develop their non-preferred preferences when they have personal reasons to do so.

As Practical Contributors develop, they learn to look more at long-term implications and consequences of actions. For example, a young ESFJ may take actions to meet people’s immediate needs. A more mature ESFJ will pay greater attention to the long-term needs of people to ensure the actions taken are helpful and effective in both the long and short term.

Over time Practical Contributors can also learn to place more emphasis on making a logical, objective appraisal of a situation. They will be motivated to do this when it serves their preferred mode of operating. For example, an ESFJ can be convinced to approach situations impersonally when they see how these actions help them accomplish tasks and help others. Using a more impersonal approach can help the Practical Contributor manage criticism and disagreements.

Developmental Tips for the Practical Contributor

Take a broader perspective before deciding. Consider alternative courses of action as well as the obvious ones.

Look at long-term as well as immediate implications and consequences of your actions and decisions.

When making a decision create a list of logical pros and cons.

You likely feel responsible and want to participate in many social and community groups. Recognize your limits and create time to meet your own needs.

You will want to resolve conflicts. However, some problems are not easily solved. Sometimes it is important to agree to disagree and move forward.

Donna Dunning

x

[infjedi]

Understanding the ESFJ via their cognitive functions

“...the ESFJ is already well attuned to objective valuations – in other words, to what is generally considered valuable, normal, appropriate, or comforting in various contexts. The ESFJ, preferring Fe to any other function, is particularly good at “fitting in,” wielding the known language and customs in a way that is pleasing and familiar to others. Granted that they are good at it, the ESFJ can be a very enjoyable person to be around, very kind and courteous, friendly, forgiving, generous, and perhaps above all, easy to talk to, in the sense that they want to listen to you, have genuine concern for you, and will make sure that you know this is the case. If anything, the ESFJ’s Fe drives them to give up of themselves for others, or at least to resonate deeply with that sentiment. The ESFJ, like the ISFJ, tends to be service-oriented. Other personalities are by all means willing to help, but this is peculiarly present in the SFJ types because their Fe is combined with Si.

I think a good way to look at Si is as sensitivity to one’s impressions of the environment, rather like a sensitive, photographic plate (as Emma Jung described it – ed.), or the vibrations along a spider’s web. This web is grounded and focused on things as they are, and not as they could be, which tends to give Si types a down-to-earth, practical perspective. In any case, the ESFJ demonstrates a certain grounded attitude that can be very helpful and stabilizing.

ESFJs are therefore sensitive to the concrete needs of others, or more accurately; they are sensitive to their own subjective interpretation of the needs of others, which can offer great insight or misunderstanding. In any case, one can generally expect the ESFJ to prefer the down-to-earth approach. The point here is that ESFJs often come across as being grounded, and more than that; as being reliable and disciplined.

The combination of dominant Fe and auxiliary Si makes the ESFJ personality very interested in human connections. They like to work with people, and in the end, are trying to become one with people; to cooperate fully with them, and to develop as rewarding a give-and-take relationship with others as possible. Beyond that, the ESFJ loves the feeling of family, or of being a part of a united group; part of a cooperative whole. To most ESFJs, we’re truly “all in this together.” For the ESFJ, if that motto is true, then it demands certain kinds of action. If we’re all in it together, then we’ve got to get along. There’s no reward for isolating oneself or for interacting negatively with others and getting them down. So the ESFJ tries to be very kind and warm and well connected with the people in their lives. I think Harry S. Truman summed it up best when he said: “The rule around here is that [employees may not] speak to the President. I break it every day and make ‘em speak to me.”

There are two final points I’d like to make about the ESFJ, concerning their tertiary and inferior functions. First, the ESFJ’s tertiary function is Ne. Like with the ESTJ, this manifests along with Si as both a meticulousness and a multifaceted interest. For the ESFJ, intuitions are an objective matter; they are something very much invested in objects, uncontaminated by any personal or subjective ideas (as is otherwise the case with Ni). As a result, their intuitions are much more clear-cut, and – if you will – practical (at least in comparison with the INJs).

Second, ESFJs repress their Ti, meaning they repress personal logical principles. For the ENFJ, this means a tendency to wander from what is certainly true into exaggeration for the sake of effect. For the ESFJ, who is less concerned with presentation of a vision than they are with pragmatic service, this repression manifests as a tendency to lose themselves in harmonizing with people. In other words, in their attempts to unite people into “one family, one group” they may make too many concessions; over-align with public opinion, and forget their own sense of identity and ethics in the process. More than any other type, the ESFJ “do as the Romans when in Rome.”

by Michael Pierce

Read more on this article here

[infjedi]

12 ESFJs Explain The One Thing They Wish Others Understood About Their Personality

1. “We. Feel. Everything.”

2. “We’re NOT shallow and gossipy. We love people, but we LOVE them – that means respecting them and their confidentiality. Yes, we get enthusiastic, but we’re not the social butterfly-airheads that we’re often stereotyped to be.”

3. “We genuinely care about other people but appreciate it when other people ask us about OUR lives and problems too.”

4. “We’re sensitive but we’re not stupid – if you’ve betrayed our trust, don’t expect us to forget about it anytime soon!”

5. “We can’t help the fact that we feel and care. About everything all the time.”

6. “We feel everything. And we care deeply for others. When it comes to conflict with someone we care about, we have a tendency to try to avoid confrontation in order to not “rock the boat.” But if we don’t talk through it, eventually our feelings get the best of us and we become super passive aggressive. It’s a viscous cycle.”

7. “We’re passive aggressive because we HATE conflict, it makes us more stressed than anything. Please try to understand that about us.”

8. “We love to go out of our way for you. We love to take care of you and be there for you. But in that, we need to be affirmed. It’s not a selfish thing. It’s not about doing something to gain something in return. Indifference just hurts us because we put such value on our relationships. We care, and we want you to care, too.”

9. “When I don’t give my all at something, it’s not because I’m lazy or apathetic, it’s because I don’t see its value in helping other people.”

10. “We worry about you because we CARE. I know it can be a little annoying at times but please understand that it comes from a place of love.”

11. “By nature, when a person comes to us with something they’re struggling with, we want to be able to help, practically. It really sucks when we feel like we can’t do or say anything to make the situation better. I’m learning how to just be there (without talking or problem solving) for people when they need to vent and talk through their thoughts and emotions.”,

12.“For the most part, if we love you, we’re always going to put your needs above ours. But that doesn’t mean our needs don’t exist. It means a lot to us when you notice that and are proactive in caring for us, too!”

Heidi Priebe

[infjedi]

Top ten: ESFJs are the type MOST likely to . . .

1. Over-extend themselves to help others in concrete ways

2. Get visibly emotional

3. Fall in love quickly and not easily see the shortcomings of others

4. Love kids from a very young age

5. Take things literally

6. Be described as: friendly, nice, sympathetic, generous, outgoing, affectionate

7.  Naturally excel at identifying others’ personality and styles

8. Be very “put together” (clothes, hair, accessories) - most days

9. Share a lot of information about their life

10. Smile and laugh easily

11. Seldom require or desire stretches of alone time

x

[infjedi]

21 People Share The One Thing They Wish The ESFJs In Their Lives Understood

1. “You guys are so genuinely nice. You’re so good at putting people at ease and making everyone feel important. Just be sure to take time and remember that you’re important too.” –ENTP

2. “Thanks for being the mother figure in my life…even when I don’t always like it.” –ENFJ

3. “Unhealthy ESFJs: Please. Stop. Gossiping. For the love of everything good in this world, please stop gossiping. Not everyone likes talking about other people (especially an INTP, who is pretty private and respects others’ privacy.) And for those of us who don’t, gossip makes us really, really uncomfortable – not only hearing people’s lives casually used as entertainment collateral, but realizing you probably do that with ours, too, when we’re not in the room.” –INTP

4. “I like you when you take the time to listen. And I like being the one who listens to you, too. I like that when I say, ‘I’m fine,’ you know when I’m not. And you also know when to press for me to explain and when to just let me hide.” –INFJ

5. “Self reflection is really important. I know you feel better when you talk about everything with everyone, but sometimes it helps to take the time to figure yourself out before letting others muddle all your feelings.” –ENFJ

6. “The world doesn’t end if there is a conflict. Sometimes it is extremely necessary and healthy!” –ESTP

7. “You help make the world go round with your kind, amenable, servant hearted self. I’m so thankful for your warmth and practicality. You are much beloved.” –INFP

8. “I will finish my work with my own way, in my own pace. I know you’re trying to help by trying to organize me, but I work better when I’m not rushed!” –ESFP

9. “Please be more aware of how you treat people sometimes… many of you will be so nice to someone’s face but then talk shit about behind their back. You may not realize it, but that behaviour makes most people really uncomfortable.” –ENFP

10. “As annoying as your organizational skills can be, I wish I had them.” –ENTP

11. “Just because I don’t want to be a part of the group activity doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy you individually. It’s possible to have fun without every single person participating. I want to do my own thing sometimes, and it doesn’t make me a bad person.” –ESTP

12. “Thanks for taking care of me when I can’t be bothered to take care of myself.” –ISFJ

13. “You and me, we know how to throw a party! I get you!” –ENFJ

14. “It’s not at all a reflection on you when I don’t want to follow your specific structure and instead go my own way for a bit.” –ISTJ

15. “Please learn how to express your emotions without resorting to passive-aggressiveness. I know you want to help others and care deeply, but I want you to be honest with yourself and others about your own emotions.” –INFJ

16. “Thank you for being the adventurous moms and dads of the world, and for being prepared for anything!” –ENFP

17. “You are by far my favourite type. I wish I could surround myself with nothing but ESFJs. But just remember that other people show their love back to you in different ways.” –INTJ

18. “It doesn’t always have to be done your way. Sometimes it should be done the way everyone else wants.” -ESFP

19. “Although you are one of the most common female types and you tend to fit traditional gender roles well, please do not hold high social, emotional, or motherly/home-making standards for other women. Many women, particularly NT’s, do not fit into this classic female mould, and feel like the female world is dominated by SFJ’s who are watching others to see if they have it together in this female competition of who is the prettiest, most socially adept, and most nurturing. Please be open to different kinds of women.” –ENTP

20. “I love you, but you stress me out. Sometimes, it’s best to just let things happen–not everyday needs an itinerary.” –INFJ

21. “Thank you for being the kindest, brightest, most caring person in my world.” –ISFJ

Source