#esspherial writes

[crackersandjuice]

the fic is not ficcing so i offer up the opening scene for a little pvpciv au thingy i'm trying to write

HEADS UP: This does contain gore. I don't think it's terribly graphic but the masses deserve to be informed o7

The first time Evbo watches his body stitch together, he wants to throw up.

He doesn’t, mainly because he doesn’t want to get in trouble for doing so. But he’s also wearing his new clothes. Covering them in vomit isn’t exactly how he should break them in.

Evbo curls his hands into his lap.

He’s kinda pretty, in a fucked up “pinned butterfly” way. The recording takes place in his own room, and he’s splayed out on his bed, starfished to keep his limbs from interfering with the process. Whoever placed him there stripped him naked, leaving nothing to the imagination.

He understands why. Sometimes, things got morphed into his body while it fixed itself, and that’s always more trouble than it’s worth. But still. He hates how he looks. He doesn’t like waking up naked, cold and alone and vulnerable. He hates how his corpse is treated so gently.

Especially considering how gruesome this particular death was. Evbo’s never liked being disemboweled. It messes up his stomach when he comes back, makes his digestive track all kinds of weird. Not to mention the other thing.

His entrails have been placed neatly at the sides of his, quite frankly, rather impressive vivisection. Clearly whoever was in charge of his respawn this time knows their anatomy. Every organ that he can recognize is where it’s supposed to be. The other ones, the ones that have been mutilated beyond belief, are shoved off to the sides.

He’s like a really big meat salad. Gross. Evbo swallows. Don’t think about it.

Eventually, the process starts. His organs start slithering around, putting themselves back into place. The unidentifiable ones piece themselves together, lines of separation disappearing as if they were never there. If there was sound, he can imagine what it’d sound like.

Wet. Squishy. Revolting.

Once the organs are back in place, the few broken ribs he had fix themselves too. Then his fat and muscles pull together, like an invisible string is holding them closed. He imagines what it’d feel like. His skin crawls as his corpse’s skin stitches itself together, too.

No, he very much does not want to find out how it’d feel.

There’s a hand on his chin, and Evbo lets his head be directed away from the screen. “What do you think?” The man asks. “It’ll be fun, right? Having it be televised?”

He’s heard the elevator pitch. People get their fix from watching this, and he gets to take longer breaks. It’s better than what usually happens. And he’s been feeling so tired lately.

Evbo’s eyelids flutter. “I…” He hesitates. The grip on his chin tightens.

“I’ll give you some time to think about it.” The man smiles. His teeth are still slightly stained, sharp and jagged. Good for breaking skin.

“Okay,” Evbo agrees. He’s going to say yes eventually. He knows that. The man knows that. This is nothing more than a waiting game.

Until the game is done, Evbo can cling to his selfishness a bit longer.

[crackersandjuice]

yello i have another fic part to share. this was 100% inspired by a post @dragonroar64 made about parkciv being concerned about pevbo, so i decided to take a crack at it by using it for an au crossover i made. no idea if this is gonna be in the larger thing i ended up writing.

some notes: this is written in second pov, but it's not a reader insert. this is pkbo's pov. and pevbo is called junior because pkbo pulled a rose quartz in the regular timeline of this au c:

“I was in my cell when I woke up here.”

Gods shouldn’t have heartbeats. You’ve stubbornly clung to yours, and you feel it stopping. Imaginary lava licks at your feet. You feel the temperature rise around you, and you force it to go back down.

“You were in a cell?"

“Yeah. Honestly, I’m a little happy.” Junior stretches. His hoodie rides up, and you can see just the tiniest sliver of scar tissue. “It gets so cramped in there. I mean, it wouldn’t be happening if I could just beat that gold sword guy, but I’m not the best at PVP.”

He grins, then, and it feels so wrong when you feel so off-kilter. “But I’m getting better at parkour, right? At the market place you could either parkour the towers or climb, and I think I was pretty good at it!”

Clearly he’s embellishing the story a little bit. You don’t care to correct him, instead nodding and offering up a smile of your own. Somewhere near the edge of Parkour Civilization, another you is screaming.

“You’ve got a long way to go, kiddo,” you say, reaching out and ruffling his hair. Junior ducks down, laughing out of your hold. “But you’ve definitely improved. Think you’re ready for the Parkour Tower?”

“Pssh. Am I ready? I was born ready!” Without another word, he’s racing across the one block jumps. You stay behind and watch him for a moment. He’s moving exceptionally well. That’s concerning. Your (son? creation?) shouldn’t be moving like that.

Every muscle in his body is screaming. Tens of thousands of little pinprick voices, coursing through your divinity like poison. You should tell him to stop. You should tell him to rest. You shouldn’t even say anything. You could easily teleport him to your Other Place and keep him there.

You do none of those things. The you that’s on the edge starts sharing his pain. You feel it, distantly, like everything else you don’t want to focus on. You can’t get rid of it completely. You’re afraid of what will happen if you do.

But you can do this. You can feel his pain with him. Wait until he inevitably falls (and he will fall, because he is yours). Give him props and soothe his bruised ego and suggest you do something else.

You breathe, and teleport to the Parkour Tower just in time to see Junior arrive.

[crackersandjuice]

i wrote this little drabble thing for my zombie au and i don't want it to rot in my notion any longer so i'm putting it here. maybe i'll make it an actual full thing idk.

just some brief context: evbo's a sentient zombie with amnesia and raymond is his ever suffering boyfriend. enjoy : D

Evbo’s waist twitches underneath Raymond’s fingers. His skin is an uncomfortable type of warm. The kind that frozen meat gets when sitting for too long. Evbo’s skin isn’t as soft as it used to be. It doesn’t mold nicely under Raymond’s hold, doesn’t have as much give.

He wants to hate it. Hates that he’s relieved by it. Evbo used to bruise so easily, pretty porcelain skinned marred by the simplest of things. He can’t bruise now. Not when he’s like this.

“Ray?” Evbo’s voice is soft. It takes a second for Raymond to register it, shaking his head to get rid of the fog. One of Evbo’s hands rest on his. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he mutters. He puts his head in the crook of Evbo’s neck. His hands move to wrap his arms around Evbo, pressing him closer to his body. “Just let me have this for a second.”

Evbo, mercifully, is quiet for a moment. There’s no hum of electricity in the room, just the quiet crackle of the candles they’ve lit. Cicadas sound loudly outside. In the distance, a few owls are hooting.

For just a moment, Raymond lets himself pretend. He pretends he’s some years in the future, in a nice quiet neighborhood in a nice quiet town. Evbo and him are waiting for Tabi to come home, another late night just to make sure she made it back safe. They’d hear the door open, and Evbo would leave his arms to go greet her. Raymond would stay behind to get their bed ready, because despite their best efforts it always ended up a mess.

For just a moment he can pretend he’s going to go bed tonight with his partners. That he’s going to go bed with a full stomach. That he’s going to go to bed happy, that he’s going to go to bed safe.

It’s just for a moment, and then Evbo drags him out.

“You…” He pauses. His hands hover awkwardly in the air, eventually settling onto the windowsill. “Do you miss him again?”

Him. As if he’s someone completely different. As if Raymond can’t see all the ways that he’s still the same, that he never changed. As if he hasn’t spent days, weeks, months telling Evbo that he’s still the man he loved, that he’s still the man he loves.

As if the person Evbo watches in those recordings (over and over and over) isn’t a reflection.

And maybe, Raymond thinks, it isn’t.

“Not right now.”

Evbo takes a breath. Big, whole, terribly dry. It stays there, far longer than it should be. Raymond squeezes slightly, and it comes whistling out. It fizzles out with a hiss, and suddenly Evbo is much more limp in his arms than before.

“Jesus-!”

It’s muscle memory that keeps him from dropping him. Raymond drags him over to the bed. His lower half is hanging off, and it’d be uncomfortable for anyone that was still human. “Dude, seriously? What was that?”

Evbo hums. He stays there. Silent, still, like he’s suddenly lost all the energy to do anything. Raymond wants to stay annoyed, wants to hold onto it, but he can’t. He’s never been able to.

He sighs, pulling Evbo onto the bed properly. He lays down next to him, pulling him closer. It’s like dealing with a rag doll: Evbo’s entirely dead weight as he maneuvers him into a more comfortable position. They’re chest to back, Raymond curled up slightly around him.

The silence that follows is suffocating, but not quite. Evbo’s not breathing, completely lax. There’s no indication that he’s awake. If he isn’t, Raymond wants him to rest. But someone has to make sure he doesn’t go off the deep end.

He ends up nuzzling the back of Evbo’s head, the ever present sweetness of death filling his nose. Evbo moves it back, grumbling too low for Raymond to make anything out. Good. He’s responding.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

He feels Evbo stiffen. Raymond closes his eyes, tightens his hold just slightly. Maybe it’s not the right thing to say. Maybe there’s different words he could’ve used, different actions he could’ve taken.

But it’s pointless to wonder about the possibilities.

“Me too.”

For a moment, Raymond thinks he’s hearing things. “Mh?”

Evbo gets impossibly lax. Raymond’s arms sink into his flesh, almost liquid-like in their consistency. “…I’m glad you’re here, too.”

[crackersandjuice]

hello pvpciv nation i'm posting the remains of a oneshot i might not finish but i don't want it to rot away forever so. Enjoy if you please.

When Evbo got to the iron sword level this time, he didn’t jump. He didn’t think he could. He had sat at the edge for a few minutes, trying to work up the nerve to stand. His breaths were deep and slow, and he tried not to move too much.

No dice. He was exhausted. Exhausted in a way he had never felt before.

It was preferable to the absolute fire that his entire lower half was in. Slowly, Evbo tried kicking out his legs. He hissed as the pain flared, and he carefully brought them back down. “Okay,” he whispered to himself. “Definitely a bad idea.”

He couldn’t just stay here, though. For as much as he wanted to slump over onto one of the columns and sleep, there was too much at stake. He had to find a way down to the golden sword level. Tabi was counting on him. Everyone in PVP Civilization was counting on him.

Taking another deep breath, Evbo closed his eyes and tipped over the edge.

He hit the water face first, eyes opening soon after impact. Ow ow ow. He didn’t know hitting water could hurt. That was just unfair.

Before he could run out of air, Evbo forced his legs to move towards the surface. He coughed a little, feeling his lungs burn. “Note to self: don’t do that again.”

Somehow, he managed to make himself float on his back. He tried to relax himself as much as possible, opting to focus his attention on the hole he just fell through. How many times had he made that exact drop? It had to have been close to fifty, at the very least.

With his mind still wandering, Evbo stayed in the pool for a second. Just a second, he told himself. It was cold, and the feeling of his clothes clinging to his skin was gross, but he felt better. The raging pain slowly died down to simple soreness.

He had to get out soon. Tabi was waiting for him, after all. But it wasn’t like she’d know if he was taking a long time. As long as he wasn’t seen by anyone else ranking up, it’d be fine.

He could rest here. Just for a little bit. - So here’s the thing: this started out slow. Unlike most things in Evbo’s life, in which he was either thrown into it or rushed into it himself. It crept up on him, like when he got sick from accidentally eating under-cooked food.

The pain all started with a simple throbbing in his back. A little above his tail bone, if he was being specific. Evbo had woken up from yet another failed attempt a little more disoriented than usual. He didn’t let that stop him from rolling out of bed.

He hissed as he stood, lower back stinging. Bump bump bump. Like a misplaced heartbeat. Evbo reached down and carefully touched the spot. It wasn’t tender, but as he pressed his fingers in it flared.

“Ow, ow!”

He had stood there for a second more, letting it die down before hitting his armor stand. Then he went through the motions once again. Stone sword, drop. Get escorted by his guard friend and make idle talk. Try not to think about the lack of reciprocation too much. Iron sword, drop. Check in with Tabi. Get not so subtly reminded that he needed to figure out the golden sword level.

Golden sword, drop. Die. Respawn.

The cycle was so ingrained in his head that Evbo didn’t think about anything else too often. The only room he left was for his video journal, noting down everything he had already tried so that he didn’t forget. He didn’t have time for anything else.

He didn’t have time to wonder about why the dull throb in his back was getting worse, or why it seemed to spread to his hips. Why his failed landings seemed more painful, why his legs spasmed when he thought about the drop. Why it seemed to take just a little more effort getting out of bed, or hitting his armor stand, or any of the other activities he did so often without end.

Evbo didn’t think about it at all, which was probably why it bit him in the ass so hard. - [note: there was supposed to be more to the beginning of this but i never wrote it lol]

Tabi looked conflicted, which, you know, wasn’t exactly new. She always looked conflicted when she talked to Evbo, like she had bitten into a poisonous potato. But this time she really seemed to be wondering about something.

Had he said something wrong? He hoped it wasn’t too bad. He didn’t know the first thing about being a friend, but you weren’t supposed to make your friends upset. Right?

“Are you… do you know what a period is?”

Evbo paused. He stared. And he stared.

“…what’s that?”

The tension in her face immediately went away. “Oh thank god,” she said under the breath, and was he supposed to be offended by that? He should’ve been, he thinks.

Tabi doesn’t give him a chance to respond. “And you’re sure you’re not bleeding? You could’ve missed it, considering that you’re you.”

The jab barely stung at this point. Evbo snorted. “I think I’d know if I was bleeding.”

“That makes my life easier.”

Evbo shifted from where he was on the floor, moving so that his lower back wasn’t right up against the wall. It felt like a tight pressure was released from his pelvis. The pain was still there, but it was a little bit more bearable now.

“So… let me get this straight. Everything from the waist down hurts?”

“Yeah? Mostly in my legs, but it’s not like my hips are doing any better.”

“And this started a few deaths ago?”

More like too many. “Uh… I think?”

Tabi shook her head. “Then why did you keep trying to jump down to the gold level?”

Evbo straightened himself up, for once semi-successfully ignoring the pain. His face burned with embarrassment, though he’d never admit that. “We need to get out of here! I can’t stop just because I ache a little!”

"You can barely stand right now.”

“Yes, I can.”

Tabi crossed her arms. She didn’t say anything, but Evbo got the message clear enough. Go on. Show me.

Taking a deep breath, he bent his knees, planting his feet on the ground. Then he pushed himself up. Evbo grinned. See? I told you.

“Anyway, it was nice talking with you, but I hear my video journal machine calling.”

Tabi wrinkled her nose, but she didn’t say anything about it. They were finally making some progress!

“Just… get some rest before you attempt the jump again.”

“I’ll be fine.” Evbo made his way over to her door, unsheathing his sword and hitting the armor stand. “I love that you’re worrying about me, but it’s really not needed. It’s not like-“

He stopped himself. Not like what? What was he about to say?

it’s not like you’ve cared before

“…yeah, well, you’re my partner. Anything happens to you and I’m stuck here.”

“Aw, so you do love me!”

“Get out.” - Once he laid down, Evbo found it hard to want to get up.

He couldn’t even make it to his bed. The climb up to his PVP mansion was like what he imagined swimming upwards felt like. As soon as his door closed, he made a few steps towards it before deciding that the extra effort wasn’t worth it. So he laid on the floor, the cold hardness somehow comforting.

Carefully, he rolled over onto his back. He let out his breath nice and slow, imagining himself deflating. This was nice, all things considered. His pool was nice too, but the subtle movements always made it hard to truly relax. The floor was solid. With all of his falling lately, he kinda hated moving around.

Maybe he could take a nap. Tabi did say he should get some rest. It wouldn’t be as comfortable as his bed, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. At least then his pain would be self-inflicted.

Evbo yawned.

Yeah, a nap was a good idea. - “…vbo. Evbo!”

Evbo groaned. Something was shaking him. Wait, no, that was someone. That was a hand on his shoulder.

Who was waking him up? Was a nap really so much to ask for?

[crackersandjuice]

end of the semester absolutely fucking shot my brain cells so uhhh have the opening bit for a pvparkciv crossover thingy i made for my au! this was 100% inspired by this post. i also used @/ashmellow78's version of parkour language (which you can translate using this).

just like the other thing i wrote for this concept, this is second person but it's not a reader insert! pov character is parkciv!evbo. short and easy explanation of the au is pkbo rose quartz-ed himself to make pevbo. this au of the au is just a what-if of pevbo being sent into the past.

i'll stop yapping now hope the masses enjoy o7

Usually when Crown calls for you, he doesn’t say your name. He doesn’t speak in general. You’ve been married so long words aren’t needed. He can just think or feel and you’ll come running.

So when he says “Evbo” in a voice that brook no argument, you immediately arrive at his side.

And you immediately see the problem.

There’s another you sitting on the block in front of you. He’s looking up at you both with wide eyes, curious and wary. There’s a sword strapped to his hip that’s hanging on the edge.

“Uh… hi?”

“Evbo,” Crown says again. You both look at him, but he only has eyes for you. Which would make you happy on a normal day. Clearly, today is not normal.

“Did you have an immaculate conception?”

“What? No! I think I would remember if I was pregnant.”

Crown looks at you funny, but ultimately drops the matter. Still, the thought’s been planted. The seed is sprouting.

Could you have made another you without knowing? It’s possible. Even after all these years, sometimes you do things without realizing it. The Bee Incident still gives several parkour citizens nightmares.

So you reach out. The other you feels familiar, overwhelming familiar. Like meeting someone you forgot existed. There’s a weird layer to his soul, shimmering like water reflecting the sun.

And right beneath it is

{}_ []___ /__/_ []___ L__ |_|_ * {}_ []_ |_|_ []____ {}__ //_/_ * {}_ L__[]_ /__/_ []_ * |_|_ []___ /__/_ []_ L__ * []__ |__|_ []____ ||_|_ []_

Oh. Oh. Maybe you were pregnant and didn’t realize.

In any case, that’s something to dwell on later. As it stands, there’s a stranger on the outskirts of your civilization that needs addressing. So you look at him, and you make sure to put on the air of comfort and safety.

“Are you okay?”

Your (copy’s? imposter’s?) soul reacts immediately. It reaches out, clamoring for… what, exactly? It’s so loud you can hardly make heads or tails of it.

The other you doesn’t seem aware of this, instead perking up at being addressed. “I’m okay,” he answers, and wow. He doesn’t look that much younger than you were when you first started on your parkour journey. Did you really sound that young?

Oh, you’re getting old.

“Some passersby told me they found you passed out,” Crown explains, once again addressing you. “When I got here he was awake. He didn’t recognize me, so I called you.”

“Aw, you were worried about little old me?”

“It’d be incredibly concerning if my god was dead, yes.”

Other you (damn this kid needs a name) gasps at that. “Wait, you’re a god?!” There are stars in his eyes. It’s weird seeing that expression on a face so similar.

“That’s so cool! What are you the god of? Wait, wait.” He cuts you off before you can even think to answer. Other you shakes his hands, looking around.

“Gotta focus on the important stuff, Evbo,” he mutters to himself. “So, um, where am I? And who are you?”

“You’re in Parkour Civilization,” you answer. You see something click in his brain, but it’s not because he recognizes the name. “You might’ve guessed it already, but I’m Evbo. Also the Parkour God.”

You place a hand on Crown’s shoulder, pulling him as close as you can be while standing on different blocks. “And this is my husband Crown.”

“You guys don’t have swords?”

Crown answers this time. “We have them, but they’re purely ornamental. Why?”

“Because they’re your life?” He almost pulls out his sword, hand stopping midway. “That’s how it works in PVP Civilization. Are your lives not tied to parkour?”

You share a look with Crown. Totally not a concerning line of questioning.

“Kind of, but that was a long time ago.” You reach out, offering other you a hand. He takes it, almost stumbling off the block as he stands.

It’s going to suck so bad if he can’t do one-block jumps. No maybe secret asexually produced child of yours is going to suck at parkour. You can almost hear Seawatt laughing at you from beyond the server.

“That’s weird. But I guess it makes sense. Not every place can be PVP Civilization. Pretty sure that’s the only place I’ve been, though, so who knows.”

“Evbo,” Crown starts. “Your name is Evbo, right?”

“Yep!”

“We should get you to a doctor. Regardless of why, you were passed out for who knows how long.”

Other you shrugs. “Like, an hour maybe? I’ve gotten good at counting time while I’m sleeping.” There’s a pause. “Besides, I can’t go to a doctor! I have to get back!”

“Hey, buddy.” Attention successfully redirected. “I’m you, right? Take it from me: you’re gonna feel a lot better if you go. And then we promise to help you find your way back.”

He thinks about it for a good seven seconds before brightening up. “Alright! Lead the way!”

[crackersandjuice]

test drive lovers there's an update (it's not a new chapter but i hope it's still satisfactory)

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