I need to talk
The first part is a google translation of my first post written in French. The second part will be an addition to what I wrote. This is the link of the first post. (And just as i was going to post this, i just have two feedback, and thank you, maybe it's not the best day to post this but at least it will not be in my head that much)
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Today I will speak in French,
French being my mother tongue, I am more able to express myself.
It’s been two years since I started writing fanfictions, two years where I try to improve my English, where I write first in French then translated into English to be sure of the turns of phrase, of my intention in my writing. (Which makes my posts are not daily either, it takes me a lot of time)
You are adorable for all the likes. And thank you.
But.
I would also like to have comments, because I know that I leave spelling and grammar mistakes. I write for chubby/plus size/fat readers, and sometimes I feel like you just read because of the lack of this type of content.
Even in my publications of the kinktober. I do not know if what I write is correct or not. I just had one person ask me about not writing hard bdsm, and a question about, if I would write for other characters. But... why don’t you leave me a comment to tell me WHY do you want me to write about other characters? Why do YOU want me to write Hard bdsm, do you like what I write? Do people write about the characters you want?
Another example. When I put the draft fanfictions requests for kinktober, I did not receive any news from anonymous people, which makes me not want to publish the kinktober, because I do not know if it is good for them. I am lost.
Completely lost.
I have fanfiction ideas, I have unpublished writings, and I don’t publish them, because... I don’t know if what I write is good, just having likes is fine, but having a comment, just one, it’s a diamond.
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I will add something.
I know that I cannot ask for the engagement of people's, I cannot force them to interract.
I do not read or interract with others authors as, I fear to be judges, to be see as needy, to be reject.
I know that writing for chubby/plus size mean that I will have less people's reading my work. But fuck, why not leaving a commentary? To put courage for those who write that type of content, if I wanted more people's to see my work I would have not write for chubby/plus size, and I would have write for "normal" reader(I hate to have to use the word normal), I would have not write the reader as the more neutral that I can and chubby/plus size. I would have put less time, less passion on it.
I don't understand why there is this lack of feedback. And I'm not the only one, reddit is full of people's asking the same think, that told that they lost their want, their passion in fanfictions.
I write first for myself, it's true. But... seen that people's like what I write and it's true that I have some reblogs, less then the likes and more then the commentary, but... even in the reblogs there is no feedback, even a emoji is good (thank you if you pass by your emoji have made my day)
I feel like that people's just feed on fanfictions and are angry when a autor ask for a feedback to know if it was good or not. Having just... even someone, in anon, or in dm's if they don't want their commentary visible by all, to just... have a interaction. I'm not someone who will scream or be angry, i just... sometime i feel lonely.
Lonely, because i don't know how to interract with peoples, i don't know when and how I can try to interract with someone, if I would not be too much, as i know that I can be too passionate with something and this made peoples go away. I know that not everyone are alway connect on tumblr or ao3.
Oh ao3, this one is depressing, as you can watch how much peoples have read or at least interract and when you see the number of kudos or comments, there is a mountain between them sometime. (I don't talk here only for me, but for the other's too, as i have already told, you can see on reddit peoples talking about that)
I needed to talk about this, even if you don't think like me or don't live this. It's okay. We are all different, and I'm sorry to have bothered you.