Great fic I just started reading with an interesting premise. "Her boots are dusty instead of muddy on the first day of June, and she has an acute sense of impending danger." Fire ravages District Twelve, and Katniss loses one of the last pieces of her father that she has left- his bow.
Deep inside, Peeta had hope that he would return home from the Games, and make his one true big secret dream come true. But this dream was stolen from him by Katniss, the night before the games.
His dream which was the only reason for him to want to survive the games.
His dream of being a hand model.
...
So he decided to get his revenge by joining the carreers in chasing Katniss, but then Tracker-Jackers happened, and blood poisoning happened and confussion happened and oh, well.
He was sunshine. Tiny in her arms and crying his strong cry and she was in love all over again.
Sunshine.
She had picked Gannon immediately when she saw the bright curls of blond hair matted atop his tiny head when they pulled him out of her and placed him in her arms. She chose Gannon knowing full well that there would always be a possibility, as he grew older, that his hair may darken and he would lose the quality for which he was named. She didn't care.
He was sunshine. Tiny in her arms and crying his strong cry and she was in love all over again.
He was hers' and hers' alone. This little bundle of sunshine that held half of him and here he was and she was exhausted but here he was.
Her perfect piece of sunshine.
The romance had been brief.
All consuming but brief.
He had been caught up in her fire. She was more passionate than she led on.
Katniss hadn't realized how far she was gone until she figured out she was pregnant and she immediately shot down the idea of getting rid of him. He was already a "him" despite the fact that he only happened to be a few cells clumped together and there was no way of knowing it would be a he or a Gannon until a few months from that time.
She was distraught only because of the fact that she couldn't tell the other him. The one who helped make the one inside of her. He was looking at her now, all blue eyes and blond hair and she felt weak when he offered a smile before turning back to his notes.
She loved him, that him, the one sitting on their couch and scribbling down annotations in the margins of a textbook. Katniss knew it had to be true, her feelings had been powerful and everything had gone fast but she was positive. She loved him.
But she couldn't tell him about him.
He had a future. This man was going to touch the sky. He was going to touch a piece of heaven and come back down to earth to share the details with everyone else because not only was his future bright but he was good enough to share that future with everyone.
They would hold him back.
That night she untangled herself from him and, heart breaking as she did, walked out of their room (his room) forever.
"Were you good at math?"
"Not particularly."
"So, then why accounting?"
"Someone has to keep you from running your business to the ground."
He smirked. Finnick liked that she could bite back and Annie appreciated that she didn't immediately develop a crush on her husband. Gannon was coloring at one of the back tables with their son, Tavis, the two little boys hitting it off almost instantly. She chalked Gannon's friendliness up to his father, despite having never met the man, she was sure he didn't get any friendliness from her.
The bell chimed at the front and she watched the boys' faces break out into wide grins.
Gale.
He was the ever loyal patron to this establishment.
"I wish I could understand his fascination with your food…" Finnick took on an overly exaggerated wounded look.
"My good is delicious. Your taste buds are broken." When she rolled her eyes at him he snickered. "Besides, he's not just here for the good food but the good company I keep around these parts." He winked and walked out of the office. "Welcome to Fish and Other Stuff, the name is still a work in progress."
She tuned out the conversation and bent down to her work only every now and then looking up to watch for the little blond head bobbing up and down over his own work as he chatted with Tavis and Gale.
Life had been simple. Katniss was okay with simple.
She had become an accountant as an afterthought, taking classes while her sister watched Gannon. She had started waiting tables for Finnick when he opened his restaurant almost a year ago and when she got herself certified he offered her a job to fix his papers. After all this time he still called his restaurant a work in progress. He said to her once calling it anything else would feel to permanent.
Either way, the job suited her. The restaurant was close to her apartment and Finnick and Annie had Tavis who was the same age as Gannon and they kept got along terribly well.
Every afternoon, Katniss and Gannon took the same route along the cracking sidewalk and diminishing buildings to get home. The apartment she had acquired shortly after leaving… him, was small and just as washed up as the buildings on their route. Gannon would squeeze her fingers tightly and she would slow her pace for his little legs to keep up with her. Gannon would talk. She would smile.
She was okay with this.
This was her life and she had her son.
Her sunshine.
It was okay.
"Momma?"
"Yes?"
"Why don't I have a dad?"
Katniss stilled her movements. She had been washing dishes after they had finished breakfast. She swallowed thickly, looked out the window, squinting up in to the brightness she let go of a breath she felt as though she had been holding for four years. Three really, since Gannon only started really stringing sentences together at three.
"Why do… you want to know?" She didn't turn to look at him, she wasn't sure if she could handle it. He had a lot of her in him. They had the same grey eyes and the bone structure was there too, but his father had his heavy hand on her son's features. The way his nose was shaped, the curve of his lips, and the way he held himself. These were all the ghosts of a man Katniss mostly wished she could forget.
"My teacher asked us to write about our moms and dads for a project." She could strangle that teacher, but she knew Delly Cartwright hadn't meant anything by it. It was first grade. These were the assignments that were supposed to be fun and simple. "She got this sad look when I told her I only had… you. I was just wondering…"
She turned then and went up to where he sat. He was picking at a chip in their second-hand kitchen table. Katniss dried her hands on her pant legs before taking his face in to her hands and turning him to be able to look at him. Her mouth felt dry.
"He's just… It's just complicated."
She felt the ever present chasm in her heart throb at how dejected he looked. She wished she could offer him more. Her son. Her sun.
"Are you busy tomorrow night?"
He was persistent. She had to give him that.
"No, but I also don't have a sitter. Prim has school things to do." This was her usual brush off. Not a complete lie. She felt bad leaving Gannon with Prim while she had homework and such to worry about.
"We could take him," Annie called, poking her head through the office door with a large grin on her lips. "It's the weekend. He and Tavis can have a sleepover at our place. It'll be fun. We'll finger paint." Annie had this airy way about her. Despite the fact that she had a hairnet on, it still looked as though she were about to run off into the woods barefoot and the way her eyes shone meant she had every intention of bringing those boys along with her tomorrow. Katniss was about to object when Finnick decided to butt in.
"Yeah, we'll finger paint and then watch movies and pretend to be ninjas. Doesn't that sound fun?" Gannon and Tavis were right behind him and the way her son's expression lit up made her stop herself. Now she would feel guilty if she were to take this fun opportunity away from him.
"Fine."
Gale was a member of the city council. Apparently a candidate for state representative was throwing a fancy party tonight in order to make an impression on the people. She held on to Gale's arm as he led her through a crowd of people she had never seen, or would have cared to see, in her life. Annie had allowed her to borrow a dress. A simple thing of green that did little for Katniss' figure, too big at the bust and too long passed her knees to show off any amount of leg. The way Gale looked at her though, as though she were wearing the night sky itself.
She would be polite.
"Here he is, man of the hour," Gale waved over a couple and Katniss heart skipped a beat.
There he was, all blond hair and blue eyes, walking up to her as she held on to this other man's arm. The woman at his side was all light, sparkling and lovely and suddenly Katniss felt dowdy and self-conscious. Gale shook hands with him and introduced him. His face didn't flicker in the slightest at the sound of her name. He took her hand and introduced the woman beside him.
Like strangers.
Her heart shattered.
She pressed her lips together and watched him carefully, unable to stop herself from seeing her son in everything he did.
She couldn't breathe. She excused herself and snuck out of a back door. She found a bench and sat down and couldn't stop the six years of tears from finally breaking free.
Her shoulders shook with her broken resolve.
Time passed slowly.
Or quickly.
She couldn't tell. She wasn't sure how long she had been gone when she heard his voice break through the darkness.
"Katniss?" he whispered. She looked up at him and she realized he looked lost. She rubbed the tears away from her face. "It's… been a long time."
"It has." Her voice was hoarse. "I see you've moved on."
"You left me. You've moved on too." It wasn't an accusation. It was a statement. A fact, non-disputable.
"I couldn't stay." He nodded, dress shoes shuffling awkwardly on the tiled floor beneath his feet.
"You look good."
"So do you…"
"What have you been doing lately?"
"Working and… taking care of my son." He paused, took in a breath, looked her in the eye and swallowed loud enough for her to hear.
"You have a son?" He ran a hand through his hair, mussing the perfect placement of his curls that must been placed there by a professional stylist. His mother's doing, most likely, he hated having his hair tidy like that. "Wow… how old is he?"
"Six. Gannon is six. He'll be seven in October." She felt her tears return. She wished she would have gone home tonight. All she wanted to do was hold Gannon close and go to sleep.
"He's…" Peeta stepped forward, brow furrowed in concentration. "Katniss you were… why didn't you tell me?" His tone was sharp and she looked away from him. He was upset now, though, and he wanted for her to look at him. He reached out and took her arm in his grasp, squeezing harder than intended. "Why?"
He sounded hurt and confused. She hadn't offered any kind of explanation when she had left. She hadn't tried to contact him and told Prim to tell him she just needed to be alone, that he should move on. She looked at him now and saw there, swimming in the depths of his blue eyes, all of the sadness she had caused him multiplied seven fold because of the information she had kept from him.
"Answer me honestly, do you think you would be where you are now if you had stayed with us?" He opened his mouth to speak but she turned her expression hard. "Honestly." Peeta exhaled.
"No. I don't."
Gale didn't ask where she had disappeared off to but he wouldn't stop pestering her about her bloodshot eyes or the constant sniffle she had as the aftermath of her breakdown took effect. She shrugged off his concerns and asked if he wouldn't mind stopping by and picking up Gannon on his way to drop her off.
It was as though he were waiting for her. Her light. Her warmth. Her life.
He was snuggled up next to her in bed, soft breath coming out in deep huffs. She ran her fingers through his hair and closed her eyes.
This was okay.
It was okay.
Things would be okay.
The door chimed and Katniss felt the hairs on the back of her neck stick up. She looked up and saw Gannon glance up at whoever it was that came in before going back to concentrating on what he was working on. She heard Finnick great them, heard the deep tenor of male voices and then silence as the customer, she assumed, took time to read the menu.
She calmed down a bit, watching as Gannon's pencil moved down his paper in a methodical precision that was not hers but his.
She lost herself in her work. When she looked back up to check on Gannon she saw he was not alone. Peeta sat beside her son, their son, looking over Gannon's work with interest. Gannon was chatting amicably as he gestured over whatever it was that he had before him. Katniss stood and moved towards them.
"What are you doing here?" It came out more harshly than she had intended but Peeta seemed unfazed.
"I am going to be in town for a few days and I thought I would stop by this place. It's a favorite among the locals, as it would seem." He gave her that smile, that lopsided smile that used to charm her into submission many times before. "I was going to eat by myself when I noticed this young man here. He's quite the artist."
That way he looked at Gannon made Katniss' heart melt. It was a look she was sure she wore the first time she him, her son, their son.
It wasn't like their romance. This made her glad.
Peeta and his relationship with her son, their son, was slowly blossoming. Sprouting from the earth as a tiny green leaf and slowly rising upwards towards the rays of the sun. Each day Peeta made sure to give this little sprout of life water by coming by the restaurant or calling and, when he felt comfortable enough to ask if he could, coming over and spending time with Gannon then.
Gannon didn't quite understand Peeta's interest in him but didn't question the company. Peeta was nice and made him laugh and was good at drawing. Katniss was elated.
The weight of keeping this secret for so long slowly lifting with each and every smile Peeta and Gannon shared. Her heart wasn't quite healed but that was okay. As long as Gannon's heart was intact she could live with the heartache she had caused herself.
"He's a good boy."
"He is."
"Katniss…"
Peeta had just tucked him in while Katniss cleaned the remnants of dinner. She looked over her shoulder and found him looking at her, brow furrowed and guilty.
"I'm sorry." She sighed and put the last of the dishes in the dish rack.
"No, Peeta. It's my fault… I just-"
"I know but I should have tried harder to find you." She couldn't help but snort at that.
"Prim was just about ready to place a restraining order on you." He chuckled for a bit before it died out lamely, tension thick in the air with everything unsaid.
"I never got over you." He spoke barely above a whisper, the clock on the wall ticking loudly as the seconds went passed and she continued to fail to respond. A sliver of hope blooming in her chest.
She moved her mouth, pressed her tongue against her cheek, shifted her wait.
"Oh…" He closed the distance between them, not kissing her, but holding her close and burying his nose in to her hair. There was an audible crack of her inner walls crumbling. "Oh…" She reached a tentative hand up to his back, tracing the muscles with her fingers. "I haven't… whenever I look at him I see you I- Peeta…" She wrapped her arms around him and he tightened his grip on her.
