To: @vcfan2002 From: Bianca Solderini - @everlastingporcelain Comments: An unsent letter from Bianca’s desk.
My very dear Pandora,
I’ve composed a handful of letters to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone, or so it says poet Vita Sackville-West. It continues rumbling in my mind, over and over; your name, your face, and the things you probably never have heard about, should warn you that this letter, unlike the others, will not be eloquent. However, it will be sincere.
As by now, I am aware that for the world I am nothing but just a chapter in Our maker’ memoirs, dressed in gold and pearls like a highborn pillow, and both, you and I, are aware of the omissions his mind has made in order to comfort his conscience.
I never wished to unveil my heart entirely until now, I guarded it like the most precious I ever owned ever since it was broken the first time with the mortal death of my family, I never thought I’d belong somewhere again, for centuries I considered that the eternal life I had chosen was a punishment, for my soul would never transcend to the other life to find again all of those whom I have loved, I had abandoned that chance, for what? For whom?
At first, I must admit, you were just a name, but there wasn’t a story where it wasn’t mentioned fondly, the warmth and passion that accompanied every syllable soon started making me dream that perhaps there was something else beyond that desolated eternity of changing fashion. You were a survivor of that thing that pained and scared me so much; time.
I started dreaming about you, even when the immortal sleep was brutal for a newborn as I was, I made up to it dreaming awake every night, looking into the stars and wondering if you’d be admiring them as well, attending every ball and wondering if you’d take the hand of a handsome fella to roll around the dance floor as I did at every gathering, I wondered if you liked to play as I did, pretending at least for a song that there was nothing to worry, just rolling around, dancing, being free.
Would you enjoy dressing up with an elegant dress embroidered with gold as much with a simple pair of pants to sneak through very corner of the villages? Would you hair feel like dark silk? There was no thing I did where I wouldn’t think of you, even those nights I served The Mother and the Father I wondered how you did it, if I could ever keep up with you.
I loved you, Pandora; In silence, in dreams, you kept my heart beating deep down below my surface, that’s why I looked for you so eagerly, because if there was someone I would have loved to belong to, it was you.
Forbid me, I was a hopeful child, that very first time I approached to you I never thought of anything that would come to happen, the least that I would decide to abandon Dresden with my heart broken twice.
As any of us, I attempt my best to continue living, considering this everlasting life a gift and not a curse, but there are some things that refuse to change, and one of them is you, what I feel for you, and what I continuously find myself wanting. I don’t desire to fight, and have never had the call to invest my energy in hate nor past sorrows, it is the intense desire to love what motivates me today.
I never stopped loving you, the vampire child in me still hopes to meet you, and make any necessary amends. My love for you tonight is so deep and tender that it seems to be outside myself as well. If you will, let me love you and turn my dreams into memories, memories I would be honored if they ever became of your fondness.
Unquestioningly yours,
Bianca
