The problem I am having now is a lack of emotional energy to engage with anything.
I got less than 7 episodes into Babylon 5 and jumped ship to Farscape and now I found myself ignoring it in the background to be bored and frustrated by tumblr, so I stopped trying to watch it,
The problem isn't these shows,
The problem is i simply do not have the emotional energy to be invested,
I'm too tired, I don't care.
My stash of canned goods is dwindling, there's nothing left in the fridge but some stale bread I over-cooked two days ago, and condiments, and I can't be assed to go digging through the big freezer yet.
It hurts too much to put on clothing, like physically, but if I try to dig in the freezer in my shorts, the frozen stuff touches my boobs. I hate everything.
I wish I had less food restrictions and health issues so I could just order and eat a bunch of burgers and subs and pizza, Order Chinese food and not worry about food reactions, I think we have a sushi place that delivers, and hell would I love to be able to just order and eat curry without having to worry about fuck all, There might be some kind of mexican style food that does delivery by now, who knows.
What if the world was not hostile to me and not full of deadly plague?
I am so very close to recovered enough that I can start to eat mostly normally again, but not quite, [and you know, the 200 food allergies persist]
So very close to being able to physically endure getting groceries but not quite,
The best thing I can be eating right now is popcorn, no joke, but I am sick of popcorn. I need the potassium and salt and fats and carbs, and it's actually easy and fast to make, with not a lot of phosphorus to neutralize compared to a lot of other options, but I have been eating popcorn for 1.5 days so far, and steadily feeling better the whole time, and yeah, steadily improving and feeling better the whole time seems like it should really sell you on something but I am so fucking bored of popcorn I want real food.
I am out of canned tomato. I should not be eating any of the canned meat or beans I have. On account of the phosphorus.
I don't have the energy to cook anything elaborate. I'm not sure I have the ingredients.
There's big shrimp and tilapia in the freezer, but that's too much phosphorus for me right now.
I am out of garlic.
I might be out of noodles.
I think I will go digging in the cold cold bad bad box for vegetables.
I feel like I fucking hate everything so I probably need to eat some broccoli.
