Web weaving requests: missing and longing for a friend who isn't your friend anymore
why do we miss old friends? - anonymous on quora // tablets vi - dunya mikhail // i want to drown in the past and call it the best decision of my life - laura marie marciano // internal reasons and the obscurity of blame - katie willingham // lost friend - mummysam on flickr // because it’s summer - ocean vuong // ribs - lorde // death of a friend - alfred rethel // into the water - paula hawkins // bruised bare feet (unpublished) - @stardustandvanilla
I cannot understand it . . . It was but the other day that we were such dear friends! . . . and now it seems that we are quite estranged;—nay, worse than estranged; that I am as it were, under some ban.
Sometimes you loose a friend and it really hurts and you don't understand why and you've lost such a great connection and that was the only person you talked to about some of your interests and it hurts
And then a couple months later you find that you're more excited about that interest than you have been in years. That you're finally letting yourself like it in the way you've subconciously wanted to for years. But couldn't cause that ex-friend hated your favourite aspect of it and placed a moral judgement on anyone who liked it.
Anyway, get ready for a whole lot more bakugou and bkdk stuff cause holy fuck I love that character and relationship and I'm not gonna let someone tell me I'm a bad person for liking it.
toxic ex-friends are like. i can’t even look at you. you used to be all i could look at. you poisoned the way i think about something. i hope you’re okay when i hear about it. i hope you always remember what you did to me. please let me go. don’t talk to me in the hallways. please keep trying to talk to me, i want to deny you, i didn’t want this to actually work. maybe i still want you in my life. you ruined my life. i don’t want to touch you. your hand was the only thing keeping me sane when i was crying. i’m glad you’re happy. i wish you weren’t. you know?
To preface, I said what I needed to say to you in our dms. And I don’t think you even use Tumblr anymore, but on the off chance you do find this, I’m not using any names or places. But I’m sure you’ll know who you are. And if you get pissy about this, just know I haven’t even scratched the surface of what I told you in that text message,
I used to think you were so great. We had been friends for years, and I always thought you accepted me for who I was despite having such different views. If someone asked me, literally yesterday morning I would’ve sung your praises. Now here I am, pissed off and mad more so at myself because I let it happen again. Is it your name, or your fucking star sign? Because you’ve done the exact same thing an ex friend of ours did to me, someone you and I had both ranted to each other about for doing what you’ve done not only to me but to our mutual friend and sister over these past few months.
You’re so goddamn confusing. Give me space, but also give me comfort? Well which was it? Because we gave you space, and I would reach out to you only every now and then to see if you were still alive because I was fucking worried. Even then I didn’t reach out as much as I wanted to cause I didn’t want to push you. Then you get mad that we didn’t try contacting you on other apps outside of the one we all most frequently use? The one I’ve told you that that’s where you could always find me and I’d always see it?
How much have I had to stifle because of you? How many things have I felt I couldn’t rant or even talk about because you showed little to no interest? (Something you claimed we did to you, and to an extent yeah. Maybe I did. But I was done giving more than I got). Do you want an itemized list?
My Writing. Because gods forbid you put the same amount of effort into reading my works that I do yours. Or that I had to rewrite my ideas so it can have your OCs shoehorned in otherwise you wouldn’t care to read it period?
My Art. See same reasons as 1.
Pokemon. Literally my first love and I can’t rant about it cause all I get as an ‘Ah Cool’. And although I doubt it crossed your mind, but had it ever occurred to you I never did a Pokemon AU despite loving the game so much?
Mythology. Another thing I could rant about. And when you tried to use it to justify why your ocs were so overpowered “Oh well this character is the son/reincarnation of this greek god” but you gave him the totally wrong powers did you expect me to not call you out for being inaccurate to the mythos?
My Tarot and Oracle cards. This was more so in case your parents went through your phone or I was scared of you telling them. How fucking shitty is that? That I had to literally stifle something because of your fucking parents?
My own problems. Figured this would be the last one. I couldn’t talk to you about anything personal cause you were so fucking unavailable. Family issues? Nope you were mourning. Work being a pain? Nope your work is sooo much worse. Fuck, how much shit have I put aside just to listen to you say I never cared? Fuck you. Actually fuck you.
And don’t get me started on your parents. It was always me and our other friend coming to see you. When was the last time you called us? Let alone came out to visit us? You don’t have a license? Boo hoo, go and get one. Don’t rely on your parents as they obviously aren’t helping you. And every time I went over there, I was put under a goddamn microscope. Sorry, but I’m not getting indoctrinated into your cult. Having jesus and the holy spirit shoved down my throat through passive aggressive threats and preaching, all the while you KNEW how I felt about it (not to mention the homophobia). And you did nothing. You left me to feel uncomfortable. And you played a role in it. Remember back in highschool when you stole my comfort item? The one I have repeatedly said I can’t sleep without and take with me if I’m not sleeping at my home? I do. I remember it vividly how you laughed until I showed a massive amount of distress over it. How Christian of you all.
But no... I was the bad friend. I was the one who didn’t stay up late, knowing I should be asleep, to listen to you rant. I wasn’t the one to buy you fucking games because you constantly complained about having no money in your account, which wasn’t surprising given your spending habits. No.
I had a pretty bad falling out with one of my friends at the beginning of this year. The other day I was duoing with one of my other friends, and lo and behold, who do we get matched against? Our exfriend. That game was pretty awkward, but I think what's more awkward is my exfriend flexing his 6k damage as Kha-zix, when our Soraka did 7k. have fun with your new friends, though!
