Okay, so being demi and ???romantic means that even finding a crush is like a freaking miracle. And the freaking one guy I have to have a crush on already has a girlfriend (who is such a sweetie, and honestly, I’m really happy that they get to be dumb childish dorks together). But like, he comes to me with his more serious discussions, and one of them is something that I’ve known for a while. That he’ll fall in love with people at the drop of a hat, no matter his relationship status or the barriers that stand between him and the other person, including a considerable age difference.
And now he’s got this crush on a woman from the last play he was in, and he knows that she likes someone else and she doesn’t like him, and also that he shouldn’t be liking anyone else because he has his girlfriend already. But he can’t help what he’s feeling though it’s my personal opinion that he shouldn’t be encouraging situations where those feelings can flourish. Except he’s coming to me to talk about it and sort of be a safe space where he can work through his feelings without feeling attacked or judged, so he’s not getting defensive or anything.
But now I just am in such a shitty position because I can’t help liking him, and every time he talks about this other girl it’s just like a punch to the gut. Partly because I feel like it was bad enough that he had his gf and was perfectly happy with her, but now he’s just proving that even if he did ever end up with me (haha fat chance) that I wouldn’t be able to trust him not to get tired of me and move on to someone else anyway. Which he already did two years ago. And partly...it feels like a second reminder that even when he can’t help being attracted to someone who’s not his gf...it’s still not me.
I just...I wish I didn’t like him. I wish it didn’t hurt every time he talked to me about it, but it does and it’s like, how did I screw up this badly? How did I manage to get close enough to someone to fall for them, even a bit, only to have that person be so far out of my reach that I’m the one he comes to for advice about his fucking side attractions? How do I always end up falling for the wrong person?
