Feb 27, 2023
I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT BTAA CHARACTERS
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I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT BTAA CHARACTERS
Akechis relationship with the Phantomthieves in the morally grey Hamuko AU <3
Run and Run as Fast as You Can
Razor sprints down the sidewalk, the screams of his cohorts echoing behind him. It’s true what they say, there’s no honor among thieves. Or, in this case, hired mooks.
Should’ve worked for Two-Face…he never comes down here, no fuckin’ money in it, god dammit…
He shoves someone-grandma? Businessman? Who knows-outta the way and scurries into a Circle K. Ahh. Bright light. People. Potential safety.
Well. Person. There is one person in here, the strung-out night clerk. Her head’s bobbing along to the store radio (shitty pop music) and every so often she snaps her gum. Oh well. Better in here than out there. Sorry, cohorts, you will be missed, and you’ll be used as a cautionary tale for new hires. What a legacy.
He wanders around, buys a pack of gummy bears and a new lighter and one of those cheap-ass battery fans before figuring it’s safe to leave. Surely he’s lost the guy by now, right? He’s not worth the effort anyway, he’s just the muscle.
Nothing bad happens on his way back to his crappy apartment, but it’s not like he’s duckin’ down alleys. By the time he gets there, the panic’s wearing off. Whoop-dee-dee, turns out the Red Hood’s just as human as the others! And the guys were so convinced he was the boogey man…pfft. Whatever. Just a nut in a mask. This city’s got a lot of those.
He strolls into the kitchen for a beer (it’s been a night, he’s earned his fuckin’ beer) and finds that the light bulb in his fridge is out again. Piece of crap, what the hell…
He swats at it until it buzzes and floods the fridge and floor with yellow light. There. This is what he gets for rescuing this thing from a dumpster…but hey, it keeps his shit cold, that’s what matters. So what if it might’ve had body parts in it once? Nothin’ a little bleach can’t fix.
He roots around until he finds his beer and slams the fridge shut (huh, maybe that’s why the bulb doesn’t work half the time). Heh. He’s got cred now. Not that many of ‘em can say they ditched the Hood.
He chugs the beer and flops onto his bed, adrenaline rush giving way to exhaustion and sleep.
* * *
The feeling of being watched is what wakes him, and even though he puts it off as a nightmare he can’t remember, Razor gets up and shuffles to the bathroom (beer always does this to him, no matter how little he drinks!) to pee. He’s stumbling back to bed when he realizes that his mouth is…really dry. Desert-dry.
Ugh. Damn beer. Every time, he should learn…
Muttering darkly about the betrayal of cheap booze, he shuffles to the kitchen, flicks on the light, and freezes.
The Red Hood is leaning over his sink, filling a water bottle. He (it? Maybe he’s not human after all!) stills and gives an awkward over-the-shoulder wave.
“Hey.”
Razor is not too proud to admit that he runs for the door. He doesn’t make it-gets tackled about three steps in-but he tried, and that’s what matters.
“I don’t know nothin’, man, I swear to god please don’t hurt me-”
“Why’d you run, then?” Razor scrambles to free himself, fails, and braces himself for pain and death. He’s rolled over and there’s a huff from above. “Are you seriously wearing a Batman shirt?”
It’s ironic, fucker.
He tries to spit, as last some last attempt at defiance, but his mouth is too dry to do anything but make a noise. Despite its lack of features, the helmet appears to be exasperated.
“Wow. I almost feel bad now.”
And with that, he’s being hauled up by his shirt and dragged across the floor. Razor tries to kick him, misses, and ends up with a boot on his neck while the window slides open. Oh shit, oh shit…
“This is how it’s gonna go. You tell me everything you know about your boss, I maybe don’t accidentally drop you four stories.”
“Go to hell.”
“Been there. Got bored and climbed out.” His shirt bunches and he’s dragged up. No, no no no! “But you can go. You got friends there, I’m sure.”
“God, please-”
Cold air hits his face. He looks up at the fire escape above him, feels his hair dangle into space below. Oh god oh god no NO-
“Only one is listening is me.” The helmet cuts into his view. “So you can tell me everything you know about the runners in Chinatown, or I can drop you. You probably won’t die…but when I get down there, you’ll wish you had.”
Razor refuses to feel shame for crying.
“Okay, man, okay! Just don’t drop me, please-”
“Sure thing, new best friend.” He’s pulled in and the window closes. He’s just about to breathe a sigh of relief when he’s thrown into the TV. Ow. Ow. “So. The fuck is Scarecrow doing, exactly?”
This sucks. Either Crane will kill him, Richardson will kill him, or Hood will kill him.
He misses the days when it was Batman and maybe Robin-the first one, the second one broke his wrist once and the third one might be a robot. Batgirl wasn’t bad. But this guy? Come on! How many fuckin’ vigilantes does this city need, anyway? It’s not that big!
“I dunno.”
“Really.”
“I don’t, I swear! Crane only keeps me around ‘cause I’m kinda immune to his toxin, I think he thinks I’m a science experiment or somethin’, he doesn’t tell me shit!” He gulps when the red helmet doesn’t…like, look less scary or anything. “All I know is that he’s hirin’ street-levels to peddle his stuff. That’s all.”
CRA-ASH!
WHAT THE FUCK WHAT’S GOING ON NOW-
He’s grateful he pissed earlier. He doesn’t think he’s got bladder control right now.
Batman has crashed through his window and oh thank JESUS he’s SAAAAAAVED.
Hood drops him like he’s hot and he crawls as close to Batman as he dares. Never mind that the guy broke his knee and dropped him into Joker toxin once, he came and got him out! What’s a little horrible injury between friends, right?
“Fun-sucker.” Hood rolls his shoulders. “Crane’s sellin’ his crap in Chinatown. You’re welcome.”
“Hood-”
“Last time you were near me, a bat smacked into my head. I think it had rabies. I’m leaving.”
Batman is…exasperatedly silent. Hood vanishes and a second later Razor hears his front door open and shut.
“Hey, Bats.”
He really should have expected the fist to the face.
THE END
i am maybe a little bit glad geno didn't get into smash as a fighter because i don't know who they are. call me selfish but if i don't know who the fighter is im disappointed
You: the gotham rogues are terrible people. They murder and steal, and make batman's life a living hell.
Me: I know I'm so proud of them.