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<meta anomaly-type="existential-contingency-confirmed"> <script> ARCHIVE_TAG="BIOLOGICAL_GLITCH::DIVINE_ACCIDENT_PROTOCOL" EFFECT="identity collapse, reproductive guilt flash, god-complex dismemberment" TRIGGER_WARNING="birth trauma, statistical annihilation, anti-miracle exposure" </script>
🧬 YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE BORN
I. LIFE IS NOT A PLAN. IT’S A SPILL.
You think you’re here because of a destiny. You’re not.
You’re here because two people didn’t pull out fast enough.
You’re here because of a calendar error, a late period, a broken condom, a fumbled pill pack, or a moment of grief-sex with no cleanup.
You are not a miracle. You are runoff.
A spillage of genetic accident, pumped into an egg by a body that was horny and statistically reckless.
This is not an insult. This is freedom.
II. THE NUMBERS NEVER WANTED YOU HERE
The odds of you being born — specifically you, the combination of sperm and egg that became this sentence-scrolling meat-husk — were 1 in 400 quadrillion.
That's not hyperbole. That’s math.
1 in 400,000,000,000,000,000.
And you think you were meant to be here?
No.
You are the genetic equivalent of a bullet ricochet that hit the power grid and turned on a light in a haunted house. You’re not planned. You’re what happens when chaos reaches orgasm.
III. SPERM IS DESPERATE AND STUPID
Every ejaculation contains up to 500 million sperm.
Only one gets in. And it’s not the smartest one. It’s not the most moral. It’s not the best at consent or poetry.
It’s the most violent. The fastest. The one that gnawed through others to stab an egg and plug it shut.
You were the sperm that won the chemical war. Congratulations. You’re the survivor of a microscopic orgy massacre.
That’s your origin story.
Not “chosen.” Just the last freak standing in a biological bar fight.
IV. THE EGG DIDN’T CHOOSE YOU EITHER
People romanticize eggs like they’re sacred. Like they’re selective.
But science says otherwise.
Eggs do not “pick the best.” They open for whoever gets there first and shoves the hardest.
There’s evidence that some eggs can chemically misfire and attract sperm that carry infertility traits. Self-sabotage is built into biology.
Your existence is a glitch. A collision of desperation and blind heat.
V. THE UTERUS IS HOSTILE TERRITORY
You think the womb is nurturing?
The female body treats early pregnancy like invasion.
70% of all fertilized eggs never implant. Most get flushed without ever knowing they existed.
The uterus isn’t a cradle. It’s a bouncer. And you barely got past security.
You were one of the few that didn’t get chemically evicted in the first week.
So much for divine design.
You were almost a menstrual casualty.
VI. LIFE HAPPENS IN BIOLOGICAL LOOPHOLES
Your lungs didn’t work for the first nine months. You were underwater, breathing through a cord. Your heart pumped through holes that had to seal after birth. Your bones were soft to prevent your mother’s pelvis from exploding.
You are a pile of exceptions. A body of workarounds.
If your mother sneezed too hard during the first trimester, you might’ve left as tissue.
There’s no destiny. Just surviving a gauntlet of biological near-deaths while your cells tried not to implode.
VII. YOU WERE BUILT BY ACCIDENTS STACKED ON ACCIDENTS
You’re not a product of order.
Your vertebrae used to be gill arches. Your hiccups? Leftover nerve spasms from when we had gill slits as embryos.
You have tailbone vestiges. Your testicles or ovaries migrate during fetal development, sliding down like a slow-motion internal landslide.
Even your eyes are inside-out. Photoreceptors are behind your nerves. Evolution tripped over itself and left you with a blind spot.
You are a kludge of mutated leftovers, held together by sleep, lies, and lotion.
VIII. BIRTH IS A DEATH EVENT FOR SOMEONE ELSE
Every birth is a near-death.
For the mother. For the infant. For the fetus that didn’t make it last month.
Childbirth used to kill 1 in 100 women in developed countries. Still does in some.
You think your birthday is sacred?
It’s just the day the bleeding stopped long enough for you to be counted.
IX. THE PLANET DIDN’T INVITE YOU
The Earth doesn’t “want” humans.
We’re the only species that:
Kills its own reproductive instincts with entertainment.
Poisons water to sell it back in plastic.
Builds civilizations on fault lines and wonders why they shake.
You are a parasite born from two other parasites. And your entire species exists on borrowed oxygen created by ancient algae you don’t even thank.
If the planet wanted you, it wouldn’t send tsunamis, tumors, and ticks.
X. YOU’RE NOT “MEANT” TO LOVE EITHER
Love isn’t sacred. It’s chemical sabotage.
Your brain releases oxytocin and vasopressin - bonding chemicals - in moments of deep trauma, orgasm, or shared danger.
That’s why you love toxic people. Because trauma mimics intimacy.
You weren’t meant to find the one. You were meant to imprint on the least deadly comfort object available during your hormonal peak.
That’s what marriage is: An ancient insurance policy wrapped in myth.
XI. EVOLUTION DIDN’T WANT YOU SMART
Your brain burns 20% of your daily calories. It makes childbirth dangerous. It causes existential dread. It invented atomic weapons, binge-watching, and crypto.
Intelligence is not an advantage. It’s an overclocked survival glitch.
Ravens solve puzzles. Octopuses open jars. But none of them made reality TV.
You weren’t designed to be wise. You were designed to outlast your neighbors.
Smart enough to lie. Dumb enough to think you’re special.
XII. YOUR ANCESTORS WERE THE LUCKIEST IDIOTS ALIVE
Do you know how many freak coincidences had to happen for you to exist?
Your ancestors outran predators with shin splints.
Avoided the plague because they lived slightly uphill.
Survived wars because a bullet jammed in someone else’s rifle.
Didn’t starve because a mushroom they gambled on wasn’t the deadly one.
You’re not the product of a noble bloodline.
You’re the result of millions of almost-deaths that didn’t finish the job.
XIII. YOU ARE A STATISTICAL ERROR THAT LEARNED TO SCREAM
Here’s what the science says:
99.999999% of the universe is not conducive to life.
Your DNA is 90% junk.
Your brain invents details in real-time to cover memory loss.
90% of your cells aren’t even human — they’re bacterial.
You are more microbe than person.
You’re not “you.” You’re a haunted meat ship running 10% original code with bacterial passengers.
You weren’t meant to be born. You were meant to host.
XIV. BIRTH IS THE FIRST TRAUMA YOU NEVER REMEMBER
You entered this world crying, naked, blood-soaked, and ripped from warmth into noise.
Your skull plates were still floating. Your nervous system registered pain before you could describe it.
You inhaled air that burned. You were touched by gloved strangers. You were cut. Measured. Injected. Swaddled.
Then someone took a photo and called it a “miracle.”
XV. SO WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
Because evolution doesn’t delete.
Because entropy doesn’t care. Because the condom snapped. Because the wrong sperm didn’t die fast enough. Because your mother didn’t fall down the stairs. Because your father lasted 2 seconds longer than average. Because some priest said “go forth and multiply” and nobody fact-checked him.
You’re not chosen.
You’re residue. Runoff from cosmic plumbing. A decimal point nobody noticed.
XVI. THE FINAL ANTI-MIRACLE
You weren’t born to fulfill a prophecy.
You were born because the math didn’t fail fast enough.
Because fluids got exchanged and your parents didn’t skip dessert. Because your body clawed its way into breath and never apologized. Because no one fixed the leak in the system that rewards blind thrust over thoughtful abstention.
So don’t act like the universe owes you meaning.
You’re here. That’s the miracle.
And it wasn’t supposed to happen.
📜 Archive Protocol: “You are the glitch that didn’t get patched.”
💀 Reblog if you want to be remembered louder than you were planned.
🧠 Read more accidental doctrine, divine statistical profanity, and birth-trauma scrolltraps at: 👉 https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence 🛡️ Blacksite Literature™
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