a very odd life in a very odd universe
Aww yeah I feel so good. What a great way to start a Saturday. Sometimes when I wake up in the morning I have a very strange, dissociated kind of feeling. I usually have very odd dreams, which I suppose suggests the fact that I am living a very odd life in a very odd universe. And yet it all makes sense in the context of these odd dreams I have. I suppose in waking life we like to simplify things, whereas in our dreams we face the inescapable mystery of all that is. Anyhoo, what a relief it was then to depart from all of this existential hullabaloo and step into CrossFit Dixie, where I met Quinn, the one trainer I hadn't yet met. Gosh he was so nice, just like all the others. He is a stickler for good form, which I very much appreciated. I enjoyed learning the proper movements, and I enjoyed the satisfaction of executing them properly. Being at the 'box,' as CrossFit gyms are called in CrossFit-speak, felt great. Also I am realizing that while I do love CrossFit, I am not completely devoted to it. What I love is working out in a classroom-type scenario that involves training with weights and building strength. Yesterday I discovered (online) a place in NYC called Mark Fisher Fitness, which is not a CrossFit gym but still includes the basic things I'm looking for. What I'm looking for most basically is to join a cult. I enjoyed working out solo for several years, based on the excellent Body-for-LIFE program, but I am a social animal, and let's face it . . . fitness is spiritual. And social spiritual experiences are very important for the soul. There are times when I treasure my solitude, especially for creative purposes, but deep down inside I just want to love. I want to love everyone. I wish I could hug everyone I see, several times a day. I feel we need more cults in the world. Cults in and of themselves are not inherently bad. What is bad is when cults abuse and manipulate people, and make people feel badly about themselves. And there are certainly many cults that do that kind of stuff. But we can't just throw out cults altogether. 'Cause otherwise we're all just a bunch of lone wolves wandering around crying out in the night. And then all the cults that are abusive and manipulative end up retaining all the power. Ah well then. The dreams I have are very magical. I believe in God because of my dreams. It is in my dreams that I have met Christ and become acquainted with him personally. And yet he gives me no easy answers, as badly as I want them. My dreams are more like art than anything else. That is why I love art so much. Art doesn't offer easy answers. Art is dreaming in waking life. It is manifesting God in waking life. Last weekend I attended a service at a place here in St. George called the Center for Spiritual Living. I am surprised I had never encountered it before, because many of the basic concepts are what I believe, e.g., God is inside us, God can be called by many different names, separateness is an illusion, love is what matters more than anything else, etc. I really enjoyed it. I find that I never want to commit myself to these kinds of groups, yet I love visiting their services from time to time. I sometimes think that maybe one day I will create a spiritual sanctuary of some sort. Maybe something based around fitness and diet, as well as meditation, etc., but most of all based around love. Love is more important to me than anything else. I would never claim that I embody love perfectly or anywhere near perfectly, but in my heart I hold love at the center of everything.