when I was in 4th grade, I got my first pair of glasses. I’d needed them for years. given that I was ten years old and little kids are notorious for being assholes, I got picked on. kids laughed at me. I got called ugly. “four eyes” was a dead insult by then but I still heard it once or twice. it was miserable, I hated every second of it, and I thought it was the end of the world. I felt like shit about myself and wished I didn’t need glasses.
but was I oppressed for wearing glasses? fuck no.
this is the concept that I don’t think asexual inclusionists seem to grasp. people are inherently shitty; they’re going to call you rude names, they’re going to harass you, they’re going to invalidate you, and they’re going to make your life a living hell. they’re going to do this regardless of who you are or what you do. that is not oppression. it does not make you a minority group. being likened to a plant or having the validity of your relationship questioned or being told that the way you feel (or don’t feel) is wrong is shitty and uncalled for, but it’s not oppression.
ten year old glasses-wearing me also didn’t fit in with my “sighted” classmates, but I wasn’t blind. it would have been incredibly inappropriate for me to actively seek out spaces meant for blind students, demand access into those spaces despite not being blind, and then vilify the people who those spaces were originally meant for because they had the audacity to “exclude” me. a nearsighted person is objectively different from someone with 20/20 vision. a cisgender aro/ace is objectively different from someone who’s cisgender and straight. but a nearsighted person isn’t blind, and a cis aro/ace isn’t lgbt. I’ll never know what it’s like being able to see perfectly for free, and I’ll always have to worry about how I’ll afford eye exams and whether or not I’ll be able to see if my glasses break or my eyesight gets worse. I have to deal with certain pitfalls that people who don’t wear glasses will never have to think about. but I also have no idea what it’s like navigating the world as a blind person, and while I can relate to some of the struggles a blind person might have, I am in no way one. I hold privilege over blind people even though I don’t hold all of the privileges of having normal, healthy eyesight. my life would be easier if I had perfect vision. it’s possible that people might treat me differently if I had perfect vision. but that still doesn’t make me part of an oppressed minority.
tl;dr: people being assholes to you is not the same thing as being oppressed. also, not everything is black and white “either you’re an oppressed minority or you’re a privileged oppressor.” cis aro/aces will never know what it’s like to be the cishet default, but they’ll also never know what it’s like to face systematic oppression based on their sexuality/gender. straight aces and aro aces aren’t lgb and unless they’re t, they’re not lgbt.