God I'm just remembering how much I absolutely adore Detective Conan. I love the plots, I love the characters, I love the early artstyle way more than more modern ones because early Conan was so roumd, I love Shinichi's terrible acting convincing about zero percent of people, I love Ran being so pretty and yet canonically having the strength to punch straight through a brick wall, I love that Conan thinks he is the straightman of every situation when he is actually the most insane man at any given moment, I love the Kaitou Kid episodes because the magic tricks are so perilous but effective, I love Conan and Kid spending anytime with each other because it's fifty percent being annoyed by each other and fifty percent working surprisingly well together, I love that every animal in the series loves Conan (he rides a dog like a horse it's so cute), I love Ran being pretty reasonable about the majority of things but absurdly violent sometimes, I love Kogoro being a terrible father except when he's driving because he drives so carefully and pristinely and I try to invoke him whenever I drive myself, I love Agasa being a mad scientist but also the best friend a detective unexpectedly shrunk into the form of a child could ever hope for, I love the episodes where Conan isn't with either of the Mouris for whatever reason but they and the police all wait for Conan to give them hints and are disappointed when they remember, I love Kogoro wishing that Conan could solve his own kidnapping for them, I love the Detective Boys who just wanna help solve mysteries, I love the insane amount of FBI agents who come for the Black Organisation and stay to make fun of the small child, I love the former members and/or plants of the Black Organisation who stick around to make fun of the small child, I love the police being outdone by the small child, I love the other high school detectives who come but especially Hattori because he talked about Kudou so much he accidentally convinced his childhood friend that Kudou was his girlfriend, and I love Hattori slipping up and almost calling Conan Kudou multiple times, I love the anime, I want to eat the chase theme I fucking love the chase theme, I want to read the manga, I desire to own merchandise, I love the series so muuuuuuch
I just found out how to do this🙄
I have a question/request
What would Alucard be like taking care of someone else's child? Part of the lore for one of my OCs is being raised or being close to Alucard during his childhood.
As lore to explore this idea, a close friend of Sir Integra has named her the godmother of her newborn daughter, 3 months after the birth, the woman went to visit the mansion so that the leader of the Hellsing family could meet her goddaughter. The mother and daughter visit the mansion during the holidays or twice a year. Where does Alucard come in here? He was ordered by Sir Integra to take care of the mother and her daughter on every visit, because now they are almost members of the Hellsing family, therefore, he is always in the shadows when they stay at the mansion watching them, on more than one occasion the mother has seen herself in the task of going to work with Integra leaving her baby under the care of servants, but the one who really watched her was Alucard, more than once they found him rocking the girl to stop crying, being more constant in his presence around the baby and as she grew up I have the HC that Alucard would be irritated by the fact that the servants do not do a good job taking care of the baby and despite the fact that he himself finds her a nuisance, he would be calming her, feeding her, or even checking her clothes with tender eyes and wondering for a moment: "What if I had children?"
Removing that idea from her head immediately as she felt a knot in her stomach How do you think Alucard would act? Do you think he would have these actions or would he be more distant and indifferent or if he could feel a minimum need to make sure that the girl is okay and does not have problems in her day to day life, perhaps a similar responsibility when he became Sir Integra's servant and she was young and with a huge burden on her shoulders?
Sofia
just found out how to do this🙄
I have a question/request
What would Alucard be like taking care of someone else's child? Part of the lore for one of my OCs is being raised or being close to Alucard during his childhood.
•🌑•
📍•I am going to place information between parts of your detailed ask. Getting old can't keep all this straight, and I want it to make sense. Here we go: (Extreme Long Read due to ask content)
•🛡•
•Historically there has never been any record or tale that Vlad wasn't a good dad. He just wasn't around very much for the age of the day. Vlad has a sister he adored and gave a large amount of land with a town when she married. Her name is up to debate.
•Alucard would be a little distant and somewhat cranky from the changes in the estate. The old creature isn't much for change. Look at his view on the Flying Geese.
📌•Note: I write an alternate universe of Hellsing. Millennium doesn't exist after WWII, and Walter is not a traitor. It is very hard for me to ‘step’ out of my universe. I know it we'll of course than into others. There are no Dhampirs unless they come from another time in another world.
•This is a part tabletop role playing gaming. To create your own oc and then act out the character. I started when I was 11 with D&D. I have set rules in my head on the fae, werewolves, etc. from gaming. My daughters started at ages 5 and 7 (different gaming systems). My grandson has just started at 8.
•🍷•
As lore to explore this idea, a close friend of Sir Integra has named her the godmother of her newborn daughter, 3 months after the birth, the woman went to visit the mansion so that the leader of the Hellsing family could meet her goddaughter.
The mother and daughter visit the mansion during the holidays or twice a year. Where does Alucard come in here?
•🍷•
📍Hmm..the next part is restrictive so I am not sure how well this will go. As stated, what is in my universe is not like others in their created one. I also intertwine history on the real Kazili Voyoda (Sir Impaler).
•🍷•
He was ordered by Sir Integra to take care of the mother and her daughter on every visit, because now they are almost members of the Hellsing family, therefore, he is always in the shadows when they stay at the mansion watching them, on more than one occasion the mother has seen herself in the task of going to work with Integra leaving her baby under the care of servants, but the one who really watched her was Alucard, more than once they found him rocking the girl to stop crying, being more constant in his presence around the baby and as she grew up
•🌒•
📍Alucard would be a little distant and somewhat cranky from the changes in the estate more than anything. The old creature isn't much for change.
• Look at his view on the Flying Geese.
•Alucard would find the servants weren't doing their job correctly (as you mention before) The baby would instantly stop crying when he was around for starters. It would be humorous to see him warming the bottle of formula or pumped breast milk.
•He would tell you about the roll of wet nurses and goat’s milk. He thinks the formula is not good enough for his little
•That's an undead War Lord for you. (Yes, Voyvoda means War lord and closest term others used was Prince)
•Some of his gifrs might not be age appropriate as he was learning weapons at age 5. My family it is pocket knives at 8.
•🍷•
I have the HC that Alucard would be irritated by the fact that the servants do not do a good job taking care of the baby and despite the fact that he himself finds her a nuisance, he would be calming her, feeding her, or even checking her clothes with tender eyes and wondering for a moment: "What if I had children?"
•🌔•
📍• Alucard may think back and realize the world is much safer than in his living years. Look at him as a political prisoner to Sultan Mehmed's father. Most noble children have abandonment and then have trouble making personal connections.
•That is the least of worries for him back then.
•Yet Alucard is firm that there are no half vampires. I have explained earlier. It is thought that's why he created Seras as a whim to be a father once more.
•Though his nickname for the baby is “puțin cam mare” and it means little tidbit in Romania.
•He still has a dark sense of humor! Give him a break! He would never intentionally harm the god child. Though he's bad on friendly fire (Seras) and collateral damage from his antics.
•🌕•
Removing that idea from her head immediately as she felt a knot in her stomach How do you think Alucard would act?
•👀•
📌•Confused here(?) Alucard would be secretive about his fleeting thoughts on having children. In his strict it’s not possible ( as stated like 2 times before. Maybe I'm stuck on this ask I never planned to have children but have never felt remorse for it)
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Do you think he would have these actions or would he be more distant and indifferent or if he could feel a minimum need to make sure that the girl is okay and does not have problems in her day to day life,
perhaps a similar responsibility when he became Sir Integra's servant and she was young and with a huge burden on her shoulders?
•🌓•
🍷• I am unsure of what you mean on burden? Perhaps the god child will become Integra's replacement when she dies. Though I hint that connections to Alucard bring about slower aging but not immortality.
•💀•Alternative Universe definitions:
•longer life: still age, killed as easily and suffering from disease, sickness, and food poisoning (my terrible humor again)
•Immortality: much harder to kill, some form of magic naturally or regeneration like werewolves. Must eat, sleep etc. Sickness and aging are not an issue.
•Indestructible: just that. You can go without eating, sleeping, needing oxygen and yes drifting in deep space won't kill you. Hence Indestructible.
•Eldritch Abomination: This is a tricky one. Alucard fits in this category as he is partially by nature, and Hellsing boosted him with occult and black magic knowledge. Think along the lines of Lovecraft's Cthulhu and all the limbs, eyes, and feeding without remorse.
•🐺•
📍•Added Material to Previous ask:I also have that same question but in relation to the time when Alucard was still Count Dracula, before being defeated by Van Hellsing.
•📎• She, like Laura, had the opportunity to face Alucard, but not in the same way. Sofia was adopted by him when he was still the great Count Dracula while he was passing through Spain, she was a descendant of werewolves (on her father's side) however hunters killed her parents and her dying mother begged the unknown vampire to take care of her baby, he did so but not out of empathy, at that time in the vampire nobility were lycanthropes were slaves, servants who take care of the lands of their masters or do the dirty work that their powerful hands can not do only to avoid getting dirty
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•First if descendant of werewolf would most likely mean not much DNA remains for there to be a noticeable advantage, but it's your oc so exceptions to the rule of sorts.
•Vampire's can have an animal to call. Most noticeable is wolves for Dracula. Though I argue bats and rats too. A Werewolf must declare they're presence in his lands.
•Dracula finds werewolves tedious as they neither retain their intelligence due to most often trauma or having never been human in the first place.( He has forgotten how to be human as only human for 45 years and can't remember what love means) Wolves are organized hunters and form family bonds. It is believed wolves taught early humans how to be a family.
•🐺• The Lakota nation gave an oral story about a woman who flees her abusive husband and a pack of wolves take her in as family. Eventually, she returns to husband and tribe but she is now a powerful medicine woman called Wolf Woman or White Wolf Woman.
•Generally werewolves come with “baggage” of their own. And can't seem to not reveal themselves due to trauma of the mind, body, and soul.
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•🖇• Sofia was raised under the tutelage of Dracula and the maternal patience of two of his three girlfriends, but the count began to educate her in a different way than usual, as he taught her to read, write, trained her to hunt, gave her the position of being his right hand, practically Sofia was the vampire's protégé, not even his girlfriends had that affection or kindness on his part, although he himself said that there were no differences, he did not know how to deal with them. He allowed himself to admit that he felt some appreciation for the wolf cub and when he migrated to England he took her with him, where Sofia only wanted to play with the children in the park or eat candy, being a nuisance to her master who did not understand where she got that "human" side from.
•🌗•
•Her human side would begin to appear being around humans more. She was isolated and treated as supernatural and not supposed to be human. Dracula is a type of Japanese yandere do keep in mind. Isolation is a big thing with them.
•Bram Stoker never mentions the three women Dracula lives with are in a relationship with him other than one looks related to Dracula due to hair color and aquiline nose. They are referred to in the book as the Weird Sisters as in and a bit from Shakespeare's Macbeth.
•Being a descendant from werewolves, Sofia would always be considered a servant but for the purpose of guarding him, including when he rested and his coffin, to keep secrets about vampires. She would do some of his dirty jobs as in killing and leaving brutal reminders of being in his lands.
•Cleaning and such is for human servants m. Though in Bram Stoker's book, Harker never sees any servants, so it is assumed Dracula is doing all the servant jobs himself.
•🌘•
•📎• When the events in Bram Stoker's novel began, Sofia developed rebellion for the first time in 10 years of life and servitude. She always wanted the count to treat her like a daughter, and she did not want to be a slave and once she finished understanding that her master was a monster without remedy she helped Van Helsing and the others. But even so, at dawn when Dracula was defeated Sofia ran to see him, crying and calling him "Dad”.
•☀️•
•That would be the ultimate betrayal. How does a 'loving' child let Hellsing do what they will do to him?
• The suffering of not their servant in the beginning but a slave to cruel intentions. Alucard calls Integra master and servant because she treats with care and concern, so he is her servant.
•He would accept in time because that's what monsters deserve from humans.
•In the real history Vlad III Dracula most likely suffered from PTSD with paranoia. You just hide it and often the abused become the abuser.
•🍷•
•🖇• I have almost written about Sofia's childhood, but not much about her adult life. I can only say that she was lucky to marry a good man but that she cannot avoid the misfortunes that extinguished her light.
•🍷•
📍•As your oc, I am unable to go further. I don't know what misfortunes you speak of. Perhaps she is betrayed by Hellsing enemies? Extinguished her light? I presume the husband helped keep her humanity as Seras struggles to do. Once the living human is removed, basic twisted instinct would most likely return and be like Alucard's mostly disregard towards humans.
•😓•
•📎• Both Laura and Sofia play with that werewolf side of Hellsing that is a pleasure to explore. I feel that they have similarities and I can't help but imagine Alucard seeing Laura and thinking about Sofi.
📍•Once more I am unable to go farther. I genuinely never do oc stuff due to disappointment to said person’s oc in their head. And absolutely won't mess with another's alternate universe. I have read some on Laura but I have no right to interfere in this oc’s life and world.
I will not budge on this.
I also get uncomfortable as I had an online stalker role player when I started to roIe on the web. I had to block them to stop harassing all because I was creating the back story and into the future of thecoc.
📌•Call it a HARD limit as in BDSMthe oc.
I am sorry that I have probably not answered this ask in any fashion you wanted. I will never be able to do Sofia the justice of the unique character that she is.😭
I just hope you can understand my thinking here. I did spend 4 hours just writing this that I have posted now and did do a lot of thoughts on this.
I googled “is Tony Stark a war criminal” hoping to find at least ONE post agreeing with me that he is not a war criminal.
Boy, was that a fucking mistake.
Also, everyone absolutely adores interchanging “war profiteer” with “war criminal” when it comes to Tony Stark; probably because they will always associate Tony with the word “criminal”
Now, I wish I could say he wasn’t a war profiteer, but the definition of a war profiteer is “any person or organization that derives profit from warfare or by selling weapons and other goods to parties at war.” Which he did, so he was.
HOWEVER.
The definition of a war crime (or criminal) is “is a violation of the laws of war that gives rise to individual criminal responsibility for actions by the combatants, such as intentionally killing civilians or intentionally killing prisoners of war, torture, taking hostages, unnecessarily destroying civilian property, deception by perfidy, wartime sexual violence, pillaging, the conscription of children in the military, committing genocide or ethnic cleansing, the granting of no quarter despite surrender, and flouting the legal distinctions of proportionality and military necessity.” Now, I know that there are one of these that anti-Tony people love to scream and shout.....but there’s something extremely hypocritical about their argument and their other MCU beliefs (which I’m going to talk about further down).
And they further push the belief “Tony Stark is a was criminal who deserved to be convicted and executed for his war crimes because he worked with the military.”
Which is fucking hilarious given their love and support for many other characters in the MCU.....who have had just as much involvement in the military as Tony (and by extension, Rhodey) have.
(Below is long, but I need to get it out)
SO, the sheer, absolute hypocrisy that so many fans of the MCU preach is their hatred of Tony working willingly with the military and making them weapons. Many are enraged that Tony willingly made weapons for the military and believe he should be convicted for it.
But.
They absolutely love and support characters who willingly and happily joined the military, and carry their military stance with pride.
Those who willingly joined the military (Steve and Sam mainly), are seen as the true heroes while Tony is just a military monster pretending to play hero.....but like, huh?
So some arguments they'll make:
“Steve and Sam (and other military MCU characters) wanted to help people! Tony just loved making weapons that just murdered people!” Um, do you seriously believe Steve and Sam willingly joined the military believing they would just be like servicing the underprivileged in other countries, giving out supplies and then be on their merry way? Especially Steve, who was obsessed with watching the reels from the War; who saw all the violence happening oversees and reiterating the phrase “I don’t like bullies” with wanting to join the army. You think Steve thought he would just give those Nazi’s a stern talking to and be on his way?
Steve and Sam (and others) were completely fine with killing others, because they were the enemy; they were the villains and it was their job. Why is Tony different? Because he makes weapons that can kill more than Steve and Sam can kill with what they’re given? And I know people will say “but Tony’s weapons killed innocents, Steve and Sam never did!” We don’t know that in a possible crossfire between the US enemy and the military, innocent people were killed from a gunfight or a modest bombing by the US military. Veterans like Steve and Sam may have been in a battle with the enemy, and innocent bystanders could have very well been killed in the crossfire, even if that wasn’t the intention. Do you honestly think Tony makes these weapons like “oooh, the US military can kill everybody, terrorist or innocent, using my weapons! Kill them all!” Honestly, knowing the fans, they probably do believe that.
But why are Steve and Sam seen as true heroes and Tony is a monster? All of them were legally involved with the military and have killed.
And to add....what about SHIELD and the Avengers a part of it? What about Natasha, who has constantly talked about having “red in her ledger?” Who has constantly implied that innocents have been killed as collateral damage to her targets, or even on purpose? Yes, Natasha was conditioned as a child into being a killer, I will not ignore that and say she could have stopped anytime. But Clint was able to convince her to turn, which means that a part of her somewhere knew it was wrong. Natasha’s arc was all about her trying to “wipe out the red in her ledger”. Why is it truly heroic when Natasha does it, but absolute bullshit when Tony’s arc was basically the same idea? Tony wasn’t tortured the way Natasha was, but Tony didn’t start this weapons manufacturing company; his abusive father did, his father who constantly pushed him into the role of taking over the company someday and continuing his “legacy.” It’s not the exact same as Natasha’s situation; but their goals for the future were, but one was praised for their ability to change and want to do better and should be absolved, while the other one was seen as being full of shit and should be convicted for everything they’ve done.
And Clint? Who was an assassin who has killed who knows how many people? Before and after the snap? And I’m not talking about him being controlled by Loki, I’m talking about his days as Ronan; being hired to kill people who may have very well be innocent (or at least, didn’t deserve death). Why is Clint absolved of all guilt, of having “changed”, of being seen as one of the “true heroes”? Has Clint taken responsibility of his actions as Ronin, or did he just hide it away and try to pretend it never happened until his past caught up to him? And even then, he is forgiven because he wasn’t the one who picked the targets, he just killed them on orders? Tony wasn’t picking and choosing who his weapons would kill; he had a legal contract with the military and made the weapons they requested.
Some will admit it, but most will pretend that’s not a reason; it has to do with money. Steve, Sam, Natasha and Clint are relatable; they grew up poor, wanting better for themselves and their families. Tony is a born into money billionaire, the favorite saying of “eat the rich.” If Tony was a poor kid who was maybe hired at the company and worked his way up into making the weapons, the opinions would probably shift. But he’s not, and therefore, any attempts to do better are bullshit, while the others are absolved of any guilt.
Now, to go on to one of the qualifications of a war criminal and everyone’s sheer hypocrisy:
The only line in the definition that can really be applied to Tony is “the conscription of children in the military” with Peter. Yes, Tony brining Peter to Germany was definitely irresponsible, but there’s something very funny about people’s absolute rage of “Stark brought a child into war!”
Your boy, the true hero Steve Rogers, said maybe a half hour or less earlier about your girlboss feminsit queen Wanda Maximoff “she’s a kid!” when Tony tried to confine her to the compound. Yet, in Age of Ultron, while Steve was weeping at the “poor children Maximoff twins” story of the murder Tony Stark murdering everyone, he was more than happy to add them on the Avengers and into the fight Ultron when they decided to save their own skins and switch sides. If your argument is “Wanda (and Pietro) chose to fight! They wanted to help! Steve didn’t do anything wrong, he just encouraged them!” Peter’s been on the streets of Queens for months fighting crime. Tony absolutely tried to persuade him to come to Germany, but never forced him. Peter most likely just wanted to help too. Even in the movie, it doesn’t seem like Tony was expecting Peter to actually fully fight; this is the conversation that happens between Peter and Tony during the fight:
Peter: “Mr. Stark, what should I do?”
Tony: “What we discussed. Keep your distance, web them up.”
And as soon as it looks like this fight is getting more intense for Peter than he thought it would, he tells Peter that he’s done. But everyone fucking ignores that and is totally cool with Steve encouraging his “sweet kid” Wanda to fight. Why didn’t he tell Wanda when it was getting too much to back off if she’s “just a kid”?
And the future of the MCU looks like there’s going to be a number of teenage superheroes being recruited. America Chavez, Kamala Khan, and probably many more coming in the future. So will the superheroes who recruit them also be seen as “war criminals”? The answer: most likely not.
The massive problem with everyones rage and pushing of “Tony is a monster because he willingly worked with the military!” stance is one of the most hypocritical things I have ever fucking heard. If you hate Tony because he willingly worked with the military, fine! But then you have to add a whole list of a large portion of MCU characters who have also not only worked with the military, but are in the military and are so with pride.
But they won’t; Tony was born into money billionaire, so, “eat the rich”; and thats all that matters to everyone.
a bit of a personal ramble here...actually no I’m about to be really cringe as I kind of rant about the anxieties and issues I’ve been going through lately in a super roundabout way
but in the long ago days (by which I mean like 10 years ago) and when I was an even louder Persona fan, I made a Shadow version of my main OC/blatant self-insert Alyss Baraen and it was therapeutic to some extent
(more under the cut)
Shadow Alyss even had a cringe name and design - Gerhild, the Witch of Destiny (very long story), and was kind of a representation of my suppressed anger issues and general teenage angst at being different. One could say, a manifestation of the Id.
You can actually find that name in the really old posts of this blog but...please don’t “orz
All that was kinda based off the issues that a teenaged me knew of herself, but I feel rather ashamed to say, those issues haven’t 100% gone away, they still ebb and flow and take different forms, and I gotta smash them all the same
What I am saying is that I’ve been gnawing on the idea of re-doing the “Shadow Alyss” idea with the updated knowledge of myself now and the more recent anxieties I’ve had to deal with. And the hilarity is that the motif is completely the opposite of what I did as a teenager while somehow still being thematically the same.
Given the witch/Carmen San Diego design motifs the regular Alyss already has from the red and hat, I couldn’t help but also notice how much like a Spanish Inquisitor (insert Monty Python joke here) she looks like, and the moment I thought of that given Alyss being a very religious character, everything just completely fell into place
(Fun fact: Years ago when I was into imagining what kind of Personas my characters would have, Alyss’ was supposed to be Agustina de Aragon, Spanish folk heroine who is drawn with a big hecking cannon. It all comes full circle.)
(Inquisitor from DFO, danbooru link warning)
The Inquisitor would be all of Alyss’ self-depreciation and anxieties that she isn’t good enough at...well, anything. Mostly not being a good enough person or Christian. It’s not like she resents her faith, but she absolutely does feel like she’s been put under a microscope her whole life and she needs to scrutinize her every action as to whether it is moral or not. Chalk it up to her emotional nature and sensitivities that take her every action as reflecting on her moral character. A mistake or a failure to do “the right thing” isn’t just one bad act - it’s a stain on her very identity as someone who professes to follow God. Or a good daughter. Or a good friend. A good person.
Of course, this is a self-inflicted wound in many ways. She hates being criticized, and the expectation to always be ‘good’ or following the standards of what makes a moral religious person causes a lot of guilt in her when she does wrong, or anxiety that she might do wrong. A lot of what I imagined about The Inquisitor isn’t just the religious motif, but the motif of fear and punishment. The Judge and Executioner who instills the fear of God in sinners. A horribly apt symbol, imo, of what anxiety feels like, of that looming darkness that constantly beats down on you. The voice that says “this is ABSOLUTELY a terrible idea” even before you take a step.
Heck for extra factor on the monster of fear part, throw in the white eyes on a completely shadowed face a la Scarecrow from the later Batman TAS episodes
(this is the least disturbing picture I could find of him)
All these fear motifs are, of course, painfully ironic when you consider that not only this image is Alyss’ exaggerated idea of her faith, it’s also 100% contradictory of what her faith truly stands for. What she herself has constantly told others. That God isn’t an angry God who judges sinners, but a gentle one who forgives, and justifies not by adherence to laws, but faith in a greater power. In fact, the power that forgives and lets people not be punished for what they deserve.
And though this is a totally cheesy idea...I would like to imagine if you face the Inquisitor in a dungeon, in like a medieval-style execution grounds, you would see those crumbling old walls with broken carvings that have the words “Condemnation in Christ” on them, and then noticing the walls were broken, you’d eventually find the missing half of the wall which must be attached before the initial wall, with the words, “There is No”
Look, I’ve already spilled my guts out with this “I have a friend”-type post, I can afford to be cringe about something that means a lot to me
Especially since...it’s very obviously been weighing on my mind a lot lately
No matter whether Alyss Baraen thinks herself a “witch” or feels tormented by an “Inquisitor” the root cause is still the same - she fears that she isn’t worthy or that God possibly is angry at her for whatever sin or failure to be human/good she’s committed. And despite her own beliefs, or the love and support of others, being a clear evidence to the contrary, she finds it hard to trust that that love is real.
Many times, it’s terrifying to trust people you love, or to have any hope at all. Because what if you’re disappointed? Worse, what if you’re just plain wrong? You could say to yourself how much good you’ve done or how much people clearly love and care for you, and have it still mean absolutely nothing. Because the evidence for your imperfection, the world’s imperfection, and the hurts you bear feel so much more real than the idea that you might deserve happiness.
And the more you think that way, the more you inevitably project that idea onto a higher power, like God. Because how could it be true that He offers you all things for nothing? Less than nothing - you’re a “terrible person” who deserves to be punished, and yet He isn’t. In fact, He’s saying all’s good, you just need to do better and keep loving and trusting Him, and He’ll do the rest.
Without any obvious proof, except the life you’ve already lived, and the words He’s said.
A tall order to believe in, isn’t it?
Trust is never easy, and in fact, often seems far less logical than just continuing to remain on guard, always.
To believe in there being good and kindness in your future often seems too good to be true. And soon we start to believe it can never be true.
So I’ve spent a long time rejecting any kind of grace or kindness because I’ve convinced myself there’s no way it’s true. The truth, to me, had to be a harsh revelation of my inherent sinfulness and failure to follow God. Those were obvious ‘proofs’ in my life, after all. It could be nothing else. If I received a kind word, I must have been selfishly trying to avert my eyes from the truth, to what I wanted to hear.
I see a lot of online lefty people -- especially young people -- fall into a kind of common pattern:
1. They learn about a systemic issue in our society in detail for the first time, and they are, being good people, appalled; they start talking about it, online and probably off.
2. This brings them into contact with other lefty ideas -- the fact that sexism still exists leads them to discover systemic racism leads to the realization that capitalism is bad actually, and so forth. They become more vocal, more insistent something must be done now.
3. As time passes and sweeping change doesn’t come and progress is tempered by setbacks, their tone grows more alarmed, and then slowly begins to turn defeatist. Soon they do not believe that it is possible to make change through activism and elections and instead there must be a revolution. And so they post angrily about the revolution and the need for it and the lack of it and they take our their fear and anger and frustration on other people online who believe something not quite the same as what they believe.
This is, for the record, bad. It’s a trap. And if you’ve fallen in you need to get out.
In some ways, the idea of “revolution” has become a kind of talisman for leftists locked into this pattern. The idea of all this going on indefinitely is unbearable, but the problems are so enormous that actually changing them seems impossible.
But “revolution” is a concept that seems like it could potentially be a match for the horrible injustices in our world. And so they cling to revolution. Because what else can you do.
And...look, if revolution is your coping mechanism, I don’t want to rip it away from you, but to most of us, the idea of revolution is rather plainly laughable. To briefly outline why:
1. The billionaires of the world are never going to let you take their money without force, so there will absolutely be a war.
2. The other side will have most of the guns, training, money, resources, and people on their side (because I hate to break it to you, but most people are not communists or socialists).
3. Even if by the magical properties of wish fulfillment you win, it will only come after years of bloodshed that has collectively traumatized an entire nation and left the country wildly unstable. You will also be ruling over a civilian population that does not support your regime, because again: most people, not communists.
So revolution is off the table. It’s done, it’s not happening. The end. I’m sorry to have stolen the political nightlight you use to bash other users over the head, but it was necessary. Because while the idea of revolution was making you feel better, it was getting in the way of you making the world better.
So before you give into despair, I want you to pull up a new tab, right now, and type the name of your city or county into Google, followed by one of the following: “Democratic Socialists of America”; “conservation groups”; “Big Brothers Big Sisters”; “public library volunteers”; “court watchers”; “clinic escorts”; “homeless shelter volunteers”; “Black Lives Matter group”; “Redneck Revolt” and/or “Huey P. Newton Gun Club”; “mutual aid”; “immigration court support”; “community garden”;
-- and if nothing else comes up or you don’t like any of that, figure out who runs your local Democratic party and ask for the date and time of their next meeting. It is extremely easy to take over most town or county-level Democratic party organizations by simply being someone who regularly shows up to meetings.
First and most importantly for anyone who cares about the rest of the world, this stuff will make an actual difference for real people in the real world. The world will be better after your volunteer shift than it was before it in a way that it never will be after an equivalent amount of time spent on Twitter posting funny memes and/or yelling at strangers.
But second, this will also make you feel better. Because doing good makes you feel better. For those of us whose sanity is largely dependent on the knowledge that things are okay out in the world, regardless of our personal circumstance, the past few years have been rough. This will help, I promise.
And third, doing stuff like this will make you more integrated into the community. Which means that if shit ever does hit the fan, you will be in a position to help a real revolution or a real resistance.
No one is going to ask an anonymous tumblr user who posts about revolution to hide undocumented children in their basement, but they might ask the lady who does immigration court support every month like clockwork. No one is going to DM a faceless Twitter account asking them if they can help track national guard patrols in the city, but they might ask the kid with the BLM pin who does shifts at the community garden.
You get the gist.
Revolution is not coming, and if it does, it will not look like a utopian pipe dream. It will look like blood and war crimes and dead children and dead comrades and things not going according to plan because that’s how real life works.
But change can happen. Because the world might be too big for you to fix -- and if you have not internalized that truth, please do so now -- but it is not too distant for you to change.
So do not withdraw to wrap yourself in delusion. Engage, and make things better in whatever ways are possible for you.
so tumblr just prompted me to review which third parties they can share my data with (it was at https://www.tumblr.com/privacy/consent, but that url leads nowhere now for some reason) and you had to uncheck it for EVERY SINGLE partner and the list was ....long.
very long post warning, sorry, but i wanna emphasize how bad of a user experience this is. want to retain some more privacy? have fun clicking literally hundreds of buttons, you dumb shit
