#f. .

[valencia-rou]

gifted

i was a gifted kid when i was 6,

especially in math and art.

finishing math faster and better than the other kids,

drawing more and better inside the lines.

math quickly became too easy,

so id doodle in my book instead of writing answers.

but then one day i looked up from my notebook.

the numbers had been exchanged for letters.

letters that made no sense to me.

i was a gifted kid when i was 10,

especially in art,

i was behind in math,

but still gifted.

i spent art class burried in my mathbook,

trying to catch up.

i didn’t understand the letters,

my teacher had long since moved on.

one day i looked up,

and colouring in had changed to advanced colours theory.

i wasn’t a gifted kid at 13.

behind in math and arts.

still colouring outside the lines and struggling with devision

[valencia-rou]

Go on, You with the ink stained fingers. Keep bleeding.

[valencia-rou]

I stripped for you

Took off everything but my clothes.

[valencia-rou]

i met my older self for coffee today

I was 15 minutes late

a habit i got from my spanish sister

I ordered black coffee

- no sugar

Wearing baggy jeans and a hoodie.

She didn’t show,

because she doesn’t exist,

not yet.

She can’t show up on time

can’t order anything

Can’t tell me that everything is going to be ok

i haven’t created her yet.

So i ordered another coffee

for her

and i added a bit of sugar.

f. .

[valencia-rou]

Wait for you to wake up

I like waiting up sometimes

for the very first hours of the day,

the quiet of darkness surrounding me.

Im getting good at math

calculating what time it is there.

you’re just about to wake up

is just past 1am here

but you’re there,

across the ocean

starting a new day.

i like waiting up for you to wake,

its around 6am there, i don’t know when exactly you will wake up,

but i don’t mind waiting.

i don’t text you,

i don’t have much to say,

i never was as brave as you.

so im just waiting, calculating and fighting back a yawn

the darkness makes me tired

but i don’t mind waiting up for a little longer,

everything is quiet here

no one is waking up yet

but there, by you

its a new day, a new beginning

and im not there to see it,

but ill wait for you to wake up before i go to sleep.

f. .

[valencia-rou]

I dont know much

But i know that im running,

Run, run, run.

From where im not sure,

To anywhere but here.

Run run run,

Away from my house

The one they call my home,

Away from the hands,

The ones I don’t know if will caress or hit

(There is a comfort in knowing what will come even if it hurts, its better than the unknown)

Run run run,

Never staying the same place,

Never getting too attached,

Never loving anyone

Never stopping long enough for a deep breath.

(Sometimes the ones who’ve never known love, doesn’t know how to give it either)

I don’t know much,

But i know i cant stop running.

Run run run

Always running full speed,

Always out of breath,

Never reaching out to touch the skies.

I can never get far enough,

So ill run off the world.

(All hearts are traitors, why do you think it’s called a ripcage? Its better to lock them up and throw away the keys)

f. .

05/04/2024

[valencia-rou]

The man i called mine

My darling my oh my

Who are you

And what did you do

To the man i called mine?

The man i held in my arms?

Left is only this gorgeous guy

He looks like my man

Gorgeous brown eyes

And a smirk that melts my heart

But his words

My darling my oh my

His words are cruel

They cut deep and quick

His bandages of sorry

Doesn’t stop the bleeding.

He makes my face flush

But only in anger and embarrassment.

He is poisoning my heart and soul

And yet i keep drinking

Hoping one day

Itll be good for me.

My darling my oh my

Who are you

And what did you do

To the man i called mine?

f. .

07/02/2024