Hello lovelies

Give me a pen and some ink- she/her (denmark) - call me Val - 20 y/o

[valencia-rou]

Nostalgia and my sweet longing for memories.

Nostalgia and memory are different,

remembering and reality was different.

we’re broken up,

haven’t spoken since i said goodbye.

I remember how her voice felt in my ears,

her language sounded on the phone with her mom.

She judged and ruined people’s life.

She sung in a language she didn’t understand,

because i added the song to our playlist.

I felt so wrong, unable to give her what she wanted.

She listened,

wanted to know all about me,

memorize my stories.

The plain, the boring was never enough for her.

she kissed down my throat,

like she wanted to know me better than i do.

I was never enough for her.

Nostalgia and memory are different,

remembering and reality was different.

[valencia-rou]

first day back after autumn break.

omw to school,

in the back of the whirring bus,

is it supposed to that?

is even the bus protesting for taking me back.

omw to school,

dread settling back in my stomach,

is it supposed to do that?

is my mental health just collateral damage for essay writing.

omw to school,

getting closer and closer,

i don’t wanna do that.

does the bus care more than the human.

[valencia-rou]

the unknowns

Started smoking

got a piecing and a tattoo,

sorry you haven’t seen them yet.

but the mountains scream my name

louder than you ever did,

the unknown is waiting for me,

i need to keep chasing it.

I’m almost there,

that’s a lie

i’ll probably never arrive.

i’d scream but i lost my voice at that concert ,

you couldn’t come,

you had work or had to study or stare and scroll.

i can feel your shadow

but the mountains call my name

louder than you did

[valencia-rou]

gifted

i was a gifted kid when i was 6,

especially in math and art.

finishing math faster and better than the other kids,

drawing more and better inside the lines.

math quickly became too easy,

so id doodle in my book instead of writing answers.

but then one day i looked up from my notebook.

the numbers had been exchanged for letters.

letters that made no sense to me.

i was a gifted kid when i was 10,

especially in art,

i was behind in math,

but still gifted.

i spent art class burried in my mathbook,

trying to catch up.

i didn’t understand the letters,

my teacher had long since moved on.

one day i looked up,

and colouring in had changed to advanced colours theory.

i wasn’t a gifted kid at 13.

behind in math and arts.

still colouring outside the lines and struggling with devision

[valencia-rou]

the poet

and so the doctor’s mother was sick,

and the therapist had depression.

The carpenter was homeless,

and the ornithologist wanted to fly far far away.

And the chef grew up where food wasn’t a guarantee,

so the abused kid became a lecturer on alcoholism.

The wedding planner’s wedding was arranged,

and so the painter was mute.

And the poet?

The poet wrote the poetry of course.

[valencia-rou]

I saw the first yellow car since i left

it hurt a lot more than your punches ever did

[valencia-rou]

So much left

i hate that we are now past tense.
i loved.
you did too.
i left.
you yelled.

i hated who i had to be to stay.
i flinched when you asked to hang out.

the growing resentment 
it wasn’t fair

for either of us.

but what you did
was wrong.

i loved you,
i did.
but you thought it had become obvious.
of course i loved you.

and you,
bragging about ruining someone’s life,
like the pain you caused was a victory
and i was supposed to what?

clap?

no.

i loved you.
i cried for you.

i was your safe place

but thats a heavy burden.

we had so much present tense left to give.
but you spent it
like it cost nothing.

[valencia-rou]

This week of being a teenage girl

in this week of my teenage years,

i spent four lunches with my best friend and my girlfriend, and one with a girl sitting alone.

I met a guy who respected the word “no” more than the word of his god.

This week of my teenage years,

i learned that everyone only look at themselves when seeing if a group photo is good,

i was reminded that sleep passes too fast and never comes quick enough.

This week of my teenage years,

My girlfriend got me a lindt chocolate bunny for easter, she doesn’t like lindt but i do, and she remembered.

My early bird friend stayed up till 1.

And screentime was up 10%

[valencia-rou]

sometimes i feel like a drunk poet fighting of a ghost with a fucking crayon

[valencia-rou]

Go on, You with the ink stained fingers. Keep bleeding.

[valencia-rou]

Window

I was a window

no one ever looked at me

they looked through me

unless i was dirty and worn and scratched.

then you came,

oh honey

you made a mosaic out of me.

f. .

[valencia-rou]

i met my older self for coffee today

I was 15 minutes late

a habit i got from my spanish sister

I ordered black coffee

- no sugar

Wearing baggy jeans and a hoodie.

She didn’t show,

because she doesn’t exist,

not yet.

She can’t show up on time

can’t order anything

Can’t tell me that everything is going to be ok

i haven’t created her yet.

So i ordered another coffee

for her

and i added a bit of sugar.

f. .

[valencia-rou]

I stare at her with jealousy,

her body moving with the music

like the music is in her

pulsing through her veins in the place of blood

beating in her chest

swirling in her lungs.

Its her culture, fast and smooth

happiness in every moment of her hips

her body a language i wish to study.

now she is coming over here

smiling as she kisses me

pulling at me, wanting to dance

share the words her body speaks

but i grew up with waltz and les lanciers

in controlled movements

where everyone follows the order

i speak slow piano and formal smiles.

i shake my head and smile back at her.

She is fluent in a language i so wish to learn but im scared of starting

Because i don’t feel the music in my body

not like her.

[valencia-rou]

Wait for you to wake up

I like waiting up sometimes

for the very first hours of the day,

the quiet of darkness surrounding me.

Im getting good at math

calculating what time it is there.

you’re just about to wake up

is just past 1am here

but you’re there,

across the ocean

starting a new day.

i like waiting up for you to wake,

its around 6am there, i don’t know when exactly you will wake up,

but i don’t mind waiting.

i don’t text you,

i don’t have much to say,

i never was as brave as you.

so im just waiting, calculating and fighting back a yawn

the darkness makes me tired

but i don’t mind waiting up for a little longer,

everything is quiet here

no one is waking up yet

but there, by you

its a new day, a new beginning

and im not there to see it,

but ill wait for you to wake up before i go to sleep.

f. .

[valencia-rou]

I stripped for you

Took off everything but my clothes.

[valencia-rou]

I loved you oceans,

loved you galaxies

and books on rainy nights.

you loved me cute coffee cups,

loved me, like perfectly manicured nails,

and sweet kisses.

I loved you, you loved me.

But you couldn’t swim,

my nails are chipped,

you can’t fly,

- of course not youre just human. -

You dont read, but I craved that wild

that hard, emotional love.

You loved me, I loved you.

But i drink tea,

[valencia-rou]

“come on, youre always two steps ahead”

yeah, but this time i dont know the route,

and i fear i am lost