Today, I’m letting go of the fantasies I’ve always had of you. Some of them pure and innocent while others, not so much. You see, I’ve always pictured that someday you will see me beyond the bratty little girl who used to throw tantrums when our sand castles gets washed by the sea foam, that maybe someday you will see me beyond another challenge set in front of you, that maybe somehow you’d realize I had so much more to offer. But I know it’s not all your fault. I’m weird and complicated, I make you chase and test you all the time that I know you’ll eventually get tired of me. Besides, I know you’ve always been in love with her. I can see it in the way you look at her or the way you speak her name. And maybe that’s why I’ve always known never to tell you how I truly feel.
The thing is while you were busy gushing over her, I was there beside you, memorizing little details about you. How your long eyelashes lightly rests on the top of your cheeks when you have your eyes close, the way way you purse your lips in concentration, and the way you smile when you get a special surprise. All these little things about you are etched in my mind and I don’t know how to easily erase them but I promise to try, for my sake at least. There are days when I question myself if I truly love you or I’m just in love with the idea of loving someone because afterall, what do i know about love?
But then, I am reminded on how sad I feel whenever I think of you and how you’d never really see me, beyond my childlike appearance, beyond the silly requests I ask, or the little temptations I present to you. I wish you know how much your thoughts occupied my head space but I guess you’ll never do. I’m tired of sighing as I wait for my phone to tell me you remembered me or wish that you will suddenly be in my doorstep. They’re all silly fantasies, just products of putting romantic things in my head. This is just another letter I’ll never send, just a written testament that I’m saying goodbye to my childhood daydreams that had always included you. I’ll try to grow up now and try to accept that some things, no matter how much you wish for it to happen will never come true.
