[Okay. He can't keep putting this off.
There's got to be something he can do to start to fix this. Or at the very least, understand it. Vox clears out his desk and opens a blank screen to jot his thoughts down.
Alright, the way he sees it, he's got two issues.
One is the biggest problem. The one that pissed Val off the worst, the one that started all of this. Why does him sleeping specifically with another Valentino come as such a shock and be such a big deal?
Or. Maybe the other one is the bigger problem? No, he decides to focus on the first for the moment. ...Maybe make two columns to scribble things into.
Okay, okay, focus. Try to remember what he said. He knows when he got shot, Val said that he told Vox he didn't want him putting his hands on another Val. But he just... doesn't remember that. It's possible. But what he remembers, is Val saying he wouldn't be able to tolerate another Val "touching [his] things." Vox isn't one of his things, they're equals. He's not one of Val's whores. Maybe that's where things got mixed up? Under the column titled "Other Vals," he writes "don't touch my things," then "don't touch other mes" with a handful of question marks.
Man, he still just. Does not Get it. The three of them are the best version of the Vees out there, he's convinced. So why the fuck would another version of any of them ever be any kind of competition??? Sure, Somni and his come close, but... If he were to be generous, if he were to do what Val seemed to be afraid of, and replace him with Somni's, that would at best be an equal swap. Why go to the trouble? Strings, something about no strings attached. He writes that in there as well; "no strings attached." What strings did he mean? It couldn't just be to have a quick fuck without anything else they normally did together, could it? They both did that with plenty others. Hell, they lived with most of Val's in a lower part of the Tower. At least Angel Dust left.
Okay no that's not helping. Think. It came as a shock to him. To both Val's. Fucking somehow, but it did. So he adds that; "I assumed he'd expect it, but he didn't." Ugh. There's got to be an easier way to do this.
...And maybe there is. Somni's Val, he'd have better insight, maybe he could... No, he shouldn't. Not while Val is still so mad. But if he wants to understand Val's side of things... And it's not like Vox cares if that Valentino decides to hate him. More trouble for Somni, maybe, but it's not like he lives there. Ugh. He'll ignore that thought for now.
Vox turns his attention back to the other column. The one he labeled "Confession." And he just stares at it. It couldn't be true; it was so dangerous. Well, Val does like danger... No, stop. There are no friends in Hell, let alone anything deeper. It's Hell! Everyone has a knife pointed at everyone else's back, that's just how it works. You pick and choose who to hold back with. Though, he... supposes, that it's possible, albeit remotely, that... Val didn't have to learn that lesson the hard way. Not like how Vox had. Velvette certainly hadn't, not to the same degree, not when they picked her up for their team so quickly. But they must know, don't they? Vox calls them partner, associate, colleague. Not friend, not... anything else. Not even in private.
But he does. Look out for them, he supposes. Makes sure they eat, tries to keep them out of trouble. He does care, he can admit, even outside of the strictly pragmatic side of things. He does care about their well-being, their moods. Their feelings. Vox thinks back to holding Velvette in her room, trying to make up for bitching her out on the dash, trying to understand. How scared she had been for him when his head got fucked with, how she said he was like a brother to her.
He didn't call her family.
But. Maybe she, maybe they both, assumed things, too. Assumed these were things that just went without saying. Not that they were things that needed to be guarded, hidden. Not that they were knives that you should avoid handing out freely, not that they were targets hanging from your back.
...For a second, he imagines doing that to them. But it's only a second. He wouldn't. Not unless they stabbed his back, first.
Vox lets out a sigh. This is the same shit that keeps throwing him off when he talks to Rhedd. It's like the man has no sense of self preservation! Or a negative sense of it! Okay, maybe there was a little of the second, but. He just keeps saying things that could be weaponized so easily, like he doesn't even realize they're things that could possibly ever be used against him. He's got to know better, if the glimpses Vox saw of what Rosie put him through were any indication.
Great, now he's pissed off about Rosie, again.
FOCUS.
Hah. Man, Val and Vel would really hate him comparing them to Rhedd like that.
FOCUS!
...
Somni said he loves his Val.
If anyone should be intimately familiar with the danger inherent in... those kinds of attachments. It would be himself, right? Maybe they did have more differences than he thought, but they were still them. Even if they had lead different human lives, even if they bled different colors, even if... Somni got to be more. Intimate with his Alastor than Thresher had ever. God, shouldn't that make it harder for him?
Shit. How long has he been staring at this fucking screen? Oh fuck is it one in the morning again? Damn near. He lets out a huff, and writes only one thing under the "Confession" column; "Get the fuck out of your head, you're wasting time." Then he saves the notes and shuts it down. He can figure out steps to move forward in the morning. He's got to rest before he has a migraine or something.]
