#facing myself

[cosmonautroger]

Adrian Borda, Facing Myself, 2023

[theliteralbear]

Facing Myself : Adrian Borda

[vizuart]

[goldflow11]

i want to learn how to take the lump in my throat that seems to have existed for as long as i could remember, and bring it up to my mouth and let it sit there. bring it up let it gradually crumble open. feel the black, calcified bits of my self on my tongue that i’ve had to swallow down. i want to spit them out like peach cores and look at the way they’ve been preserved. maybe after all this time they are still salvageable.

[obliviousempath]

I feel myself coming back into existence. I have redirected my focus back on myself. It's beyond difficult to sit and fester in toxic thoughts without trying to reach out in some way, and it's particularly difficult to reach out in healthy ways when I'm not feeling strong to begin with. I wanted more than anything to escape my environment last night, but I found solace in my friends and within myself from home instead. Earlier in the day yesterday, I was unable to tap into solace within myself. It's time to refocus my energy. I do not and will not have a favorite person other than myself. Nobody will fill the void and I must continue to make strides to stop seeking to fill it, as the void can never be filled, but must be confronted head on.

[left-bye]

truly the worst thing in the world is unraveling

[lyfebyaa]

i can’t describe it

it’s like a boomerang in my heart

in my stomach

under my skin

i can’t fight it

im held hostage

undeclared sentence

i can’t grasp the punishment

the reasons behind the fighting

the only thing i know

is that

i am alone

duality

yet alone

prisoner

this heaviness i feel

i know has a purpose

this heaviness i feel

i know strives for wisdom

this heaviness i feel

i know is ephemeral

for it to end

i shall stop to pretend

and try to understand

with an open heart

and an open mind

i shall let go

of the needles entering my skin

identify the needles

and let go of superficial diseases

diseases creating invisible distress

invisible fighting

invisible heaviness

go away

f a c i n g , m e  |  a n n e - a u d r e y