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After 23 years, I have finally been able to end the abusive relationship between myself and my family. The ONLY thing that was able to remove me from the relationship was a physical change in location. This move has taken me 500 miles away from my family of origin where I can live, work, and heal in peace. Sure, to support myself and to catch up financially I will have to work two jobs, but that is leagues better than staying in an abusive environment where I was continuously being manipulated and used for all that I had and was never supported by those who were meant to support me through my early life.

One thing I have never mentioned here on the blog is that I have an abusive dad. It has taken me quite some time to come to terms with that fact, but it's the truth. It also took me a lot longer to recognize it not only because of his lies and manipulation but also because of the way he has convinced everyone who knows us that he is supportive of me and the rest of my family when the only thing he has ever done is siphon away our stability - mentally, financially, and socially. This move allows me to cut him off, something I would not have been able to do had I stayed home.

Going back to the financial stuff, I had been a source of financial enabling to my dad since the age of six. Back then I got an allowance every two weeks of $10. I would save my money for things that I may have wanted to buy at the store or at school at a later date depending on what was going on. I always noticed back then that every time I spent my money, my dad would get extremely livid with me. "SAVE YOUR MONEY FOR STUFF THAT REALLY MATTERS!" He would always be sure to do this around people so that they would be in on the conversation. Of course, they would always comment that he was "teaching me to be financially responsible," but that was never the case. The only reason he ever wanted me to save my money at all was so that he would always have access to it when he wanted. Exploitation.

My dad would always come and ask me for the money that I had saved up as a child, something that it took me years to try to comprehend. I never understood why I was always going without the things I wanted. I did extra chores around the house, did good in school, and tried to be a good child back then only to get less and less in return. Each time he took the money from me, I would see less and less of him.

"Oh you have such a good father, he does so much for you and your family." I would always have to put up with hearing this from acquaintances of the family. Every time we ran into one of them in public, it was the same story. "Oh, your father is such a good man." Over the years, I became deluded by all the different stories I was hearing compared to what I was experiencing - nothing short of outright financial, mental, and emotional abuse.

As I transitioned to my teenage years, I naturally got a job to support myself and the things I wanted in life. I finally had a bit of confidence in my financial ability because I had some money saved up in the bank. What factor didn't change, however? My financially greedy and abusive dad. By this time, things had escalated. At the age of 18, I found myself at the bank - my bank - getting a loan against my own money to give to my dad on a promise that it would be paid back. There had been about a 10-year gap from the end of the initial "loans", so I had honestly forgotten about how I never was paid back in the past, even though I had been promised just that.

I was stuck paying back that loan completely and totally on my own. This came during a time just as I had entered college and had begun paying for my degree on my own, an endeavor that saw me raise $38,000 on my own to cut down on loans. All this and not a single bit of help from either one of my parents. Mom couldn't help because she was under dad's thumb, though she doesn't see it that way. That's the way it has always been. All in all, I ended up paying for my $178,000 degree all on my own merits. Scholarships and working jobs really helped out with a lot of that. Oh yeah, and all of the loans that I have are in my name which thankfully total less than $50,000. Even though I graduated, I still can't believe that I was able to achieve all of this.

Of course, all of this is extremely deeply personal, but I share this story to remind myself of what I have been through. Additionally, I share this story just as another example of the ways in which we can be abused, manipulated, neglected, and taken advantage of but not be aware of it because of what other people say, or because of how long those things have been going on.

Today is a new start for me. I am in the real world now. Sure, life is difficult, but leading a difficult life is so much better than being continuously lied to and taken advantage of and then being told that what is going on isn't really happening.

#personal #manipulation #personal story #“rant”#mine #financial abuse #leaving #leaving home #growing up #reality #facing the truth #truth #moving on #change

You're the kind of villain that plays the victim after your kill. You're so good at it, you blend in so well. I think that's the beauty of lacking personality. But when you look yourself in the mirror you'll drive yourself insane.

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