Jason therapist Au. Or well more like Jason is randomly told about traumatic incidents because he rarely flinches or asks anything, so he has SO much dirt on people he can make a pile of information enough a Dark web hacker would cry.
Tim: Hey Jason?
Jason: Hmm..?
Tim: Damian's mom actually tried to seduce me and have me be the LOAs next leader. Or well technically it was Ra's that made her do it. Anyways- (resume with another conversation)
Jason: ... Huh. Okay.
•
••
•••
A camera is pointed at Jason like an interview, he's sitting on a chair fixing the mic on his shirt. Duke is behind the camera holding a piece of paper.
Duke: So. What did you think about that?
Jason: Well honestly? Must've sucked.
Duke: Not anything else? Not I feel bad or anything??
Jason: What the fuck do you want me to do with that information? I'm no licensed therapist, find Harley if you want her to do a psyche eval on you. Not that anything new would come up.
Duke: ...That's.. a pretty valid argument. Anyways, so why do you think they come to you out of everyone?
Jason: Because I don't give a fuck. Bruce, Dick and Alfred are gonna freak the shit out, Damian and Tim are either the ones venting or the ones who do unnecessary things to solve your problem. Did you know? Once when Dick told Tim that a woman had cheated on him, Tim went straight to Damian and they nearly sent the woman to the hospital because she quote 'fell on a knife'. Never confide in them unless you want revenge.
Duke: They did that? Thought they hated each other.
Jason: They don't, its the sibling fight thing. It's more like they enable each other.
Little script of a fake interview with Louis (I can only dream of this happening)
Interviewer (I) Louis (L)
I: So Louis, if I remember correctly you're here to talk about someone very special in your life?
L: I am, yes (cue his triangle smile)
I: And who might that be?
L: That would be Mr Harry Styles...um...my husband
I: So the rumours are true then?
L: Yep, yep, all true, all true
I: And how long have you been together?
L: We've been on and off for about 13...yeah 13 years now
I: 13 years? So since you guys met each other?
L: Basically, yeah, yeah.
I: May I ask why you kept it a secret?
L: Um...it was tough back then, you know, being- being *out* and our team thought it'd be best if we kept it on the down low for a bit, you know, just tease the relationship to see how it was received.
I: Quite well, I'd say by the state of Twitter
L: Yeah, yeah, the fans seemed to really like us, but, uh, our management kept coming up with, um, reasons for us not to be out yet, you know what I mean. And, uh, it got to a point where we couldn't interact with each other at all. It was, quite hard at times for us to be together and then not be together, if you know what I mean, but we pushed through, we pushed through.
I: And the girlfriends?
L: Ah, the girlfriends. Um, well speaking for me, I obviously can't speak for Harry, it seemed to be the best option at the time. So I was free to be with him in private and we could be together, and me having a "girlfriend" sort of put out the idea that I was taken, and for management they were pushing that I was straight.
I: And, there have been rumours that you stayed with Simon and that lot to protect Harry after the band split up. Is that true?
L: Uh, yeah yeah thats unfortunately true. Um, they wanted to sign Harry on as a solo artist but I could see, you know, that he wanted to be free and to be able to express himself, which obviously he has been able to and I'm proud of him for that. So I made a deal with the management that I'd sign with them instead if they let Harry go.
I: And, if you had the chance to do things differently regarding management and Harry, would you?
L: Uh no, no, I wouldn't. I seen how he's come into himself away from management and he's been the happiest I've seen him for a while now. I wouldn't trade that for anything.
So a time ago the Swedish singer, and Eurovision winner Mans Zelmerlow did a naughty interview, with questions as: "Last time you watched porn?" "eh last night..". "Last time someone saw you naked?" "Last week! Was a date.", "Ever had groupsex?" "Yes I have, funny question."
I think Dylan should do such an interview. 😈
Oh my GAHDDDD!!
Imagine him just casually sitting there nonchalantly answering those questions like... Okay... here's a fake transcript so we can all live out our Dylgeneracy together. Please keep in mind that there is no reality in which I think he would actually publically answer these questions with anything more than obvious jokes... but like... whatever 😈
[Interviewer]: "Dylan! Nice to see you."
[Dylan]: "Nice to see you too."
[Interviewer]: "So 'The Outfit' was incredible and I was so excited to see you in something that shows off a new side of your abilities."
[Dylan]: "Thanks! That's so nice!"
[Interviewer]: "Of course! I'm sure you've been asked this so many times, but what was it like working with the likes of Graham Moore and Mark Rylance?"
[Dylan]: "Oh, man. Incredible. Both of them are... ya know, so good at what they do. Gifted. You learn so much working with people that uh... that have that many skills in their back pocket."
[Interviewer]: "Oh I'm sure. Graham is a first time director but an Academy Award-winning writer. Do you think him being both the writer and director of this piece made it harder for him, or how was that from an actor's perspective?"
[Dylan]: "Good question. I mean... Graham is just one of those rare people that's just... ya know, gifted? He's just good. His instincts are incredible, and even though he... like, wrote the script... he wasn't afraid to let things organically evolve. At least a little bit. He wasn't precious about his baby, ya know? If that makes sense."
[Interviewer]: "Sure, yeah! It sounds like his first outing was a success then?"
[Dylan]: "Yeah. 100%. He's an incredible filmmaker."
[Interviewer]: "Alright. So, I'm sure you've been talking a whole lot about this movie, and even though I try to ask interesting questions, I'm sure all this gets a bit repetitive for you."
[Dylan]: "I mean... sure, yeah. It can be, but I don't mind."
[Interviewer]: "Well... Now, feel free to say no, but I was wondering if you might be game to answer some more... colourful questions? Unrelated to the film."
[Dylan]: "Uh... Hmm. How colourful are we talkin'?"
[Interviewer]: "Well, I suppose you can set your limits, but the first one I've got written down here is: 'when's the last time you watched porn?' So, that colourful."
[Dylan]: "Well! That's a fucking kaleidoscope, yep..."
[Interviewer]: "Yeah... We can go generic if you'd rather?"
[Dylan]: "Shit...I mean... Ya know what? I guess I'm game. Fuck it."
[Interviewer]: "Really? That's Awesome!"
[Dylan]: "The internet is gonna love this shit."
[Interviewer]: *laughs*
[Dylan]: *laughs*
[Interviewer]: "So... thoughts on that first question?"
[Dylan]: "Oh, the porn thing? I watched some good shit last night, man."
[Interviewer]: "Oh yeah?"
[Dylan]: "Yep. Gotta blow off steam during a press tour somehow." *winks*
[Interviewer]: "Fair point. Any particular preferences when it comes to that kind of thing."
[Dylan]: "Nah, man. I just scroll. Lots of shit catches my eye. Nothing super specific."
[Interviewer]: "So no inflatable fetish then?"
[Dylan]: "Hahaha! Holy shit. No, I wish I was that interesting though."
[Interviewer]: "Okay, porn aside, when's the last time you saw someone naked?"
[Dylan]: "Hmm... Alright, this is probably a whole lot less salacious than everyone's hoping for, but the last naked ass I saw was my buddy's like three days ago."
[Interviewer]: "Well, that's sound like it has salacious potential."
[Dylan]: "Haha! Wow, dude. I mean, he's a good lookin' man, don't get me wrong, but it was more of an accidental walk-in situation."
[Interviewer]: "Still sounding a tad salacious."
[Dylan]: *laughs* "We were at my place with some other friends, and I walked into the bathroom where he was changing into his swim trunks. Bare ass in my face."
[Interviewer]: "Nice ass?"
[Dylan]: "Oh yeah. Choice can."
[Interviewer]: *laughs* "Thanks for being such a good sport with this."
[Dylan]: "Oh, no worries. This is actually kinda fun. Nice change of pace."
[Interviewer]: "I wish I could steal more of your time, but I've only got enough left for one more question."
[Dylan]: "I know! These things always fly by, huh? Make it a good one then, I guess!"
[Interviewer]: "Alright. I'm goin' for it! Have you ever had group sex?"
[Dylan]: "Oh damn! Okay. I see you. Uh, you know... I think some things are better left to the imagination, so I hate to say it, but I'm gonna exercise the veto on that one."
[Interviewer]: "Haha! That's totally fair. I did throw the whole rainbow at you on that one."
[Dylan]: "Yeah ya did! But... ya know... me not answering that will probably get people talkin' even more."
[Interviewer]: "You think?"
[Dylan]: "My Twitter mentions will be a shit show." *chuckles*
[Interviewer]: *laughs* "Sorry about that."
[Dylan]: "Nah! Don't be. This was fun."
[Interviewer]: "Well, I'm glad you enjoyed!"
[Dylan]: "One of those interviews I won't forget, that's for sure."
[Interviewer]: "Well, again. I appreciate your time, so much. The film was excellent, and I can't wait to see what you get up to next."
[Dylan]: "Thanks! You'll be the first to know if it involves group sex." *wink*
