pairing; idol!park jimin x non-idol!reader, gn!reader, short!reader
genre; angst, fluff
warnings; light cursing, just angsty angst as per usual to hit you right in the feels with some fluffy fluff as well
w/c; 990
a/n; first jiminie drabble y’all give it some luuurv and don’t forget to send in requests or give feedback. love u
Sitting alone at a table for two in this cafe. One you actually suggested going too when you guys first started dating. He reminisced on the old days when he would arrive and see you sitting in the exact chair opposite him with yours and his favorite order already set out on the table.
He would always walk in garnishing the same disguise. Bucket hat, glasses, face mask, baggy outfit and all. Ironically, similar to what he was wearing right now. You think it would be a raised flag for fellow guests of the cafe, but if they cared, they never showed. Which made him love this little hole in the wall even more. Only when he was sitting did he finally reveal himself to you, only.
He heard the bell ring above the door signaling your own arrival. If he thought his palms were sweaty before, they were dripping sweat now. Looking at you he had to quietly catch his breath. You looked even better than before, which he didn’t think was possible. But of course it was, cause it was you.
Standing up, he debated on awkwardly sticking his hand out to shake or going around the table to give you a hug. I mean, you were still friends…kind of, right? Before he could answer himself you already made your way to the table looking flawless as ever. Brandishing your own hesitant smile, you still had more confidence than him as you circled your arms around his waist, head in chest, to give him one of your infamous hugs.
Not expected at all, but definitely welcomed, he immediately enveloped you with his own arms, hiding his face in your hair that he could subtly smell. Lavender with a hint of vanilla, your favorite. Which quickly became his when you were dating.
Pulling back from the hug just enough to see his face you looked at him and greeted him with his familiar nickname that still made his heart flutter when you said it so effortlessly.
“Hey, Jiminie! Long time no see! I’ve missed you. I heard the new music as well, it’s amazing as always!” He could physically feel the joy you radiated. Which confused him, cause he never thought you would be so welcoming to him after you broke up.
You said you care, and you missed me too.
And I'm well aware I write too many songs about you.
He wonders if you know majority of the songs were about you.
“Y/n! Look at you, you haven’t changed a bit. Still as short as I remembered you being.” He cheekily said as you playfully hit him in the chest once unraveling your hands from his body.
Folding your arms across your chest you glared at him, before cracking a smile and laughing in response to his little jab. Pun not intended.
Jimin pulled your chair out for you and gestured for you to sit down, which you did gratefully, after the long journey you took to make it here. After all, it’s the reason you guys didn’t make it in the first place.
Long distance was a bitch.
Sitting across from you after all these years he realized his feelings never went away. Unbeknownst to him, you felt the same way.
For awhile you guys talked about any and everything you could think of, laughing and crying even more tears of laughter as you reminisced on memories. Countless cups of coffee littered the table as customers filtered out throughout the day. And gradually it became occupied by just two long lost lovers that found themselves again.
An employee politely telling said couple that they needed to close is what broke them out of their little bubble they were in. They decided to split the tab equally, much to Jimin’s dismay, who wanted to pay for everything. But again, it was just who you were.
And the coffee's out, at the Beachwood Cafe.
Begrudgingly, you both briskly walked out of the cafe stopping on the sidewalk a little bit away from the door so the employees could leave without being blocked. Noticing the change in lighting outside as the sky turned inky black, with only the moon and stars that twinkled illuminating the world around you, you looked at each other awkwardly.
And it kills me 'cause I know we've run out of things we can say.
“Well, I–“
“It was nice to–“
Looking at each other they burst into joined laughter realizing they spoke at the same time, something they used to always do when together. Jokingly getting the nickname mockingbird as your couple name by fans, family, and friends.
Much to his further surprise you stepped closer and leaned in to kiss his cheek softly, glancing into his eyes shyly wondering if it was the right thing to do. Scratching his cheek with a blush adorning it, he wondered if he should reciprocate the action or not, not wanting to make you uncomfortable in any way.
But then he thought, fuck it. And did it anyways. Him aiming for your lips instead.
You eyes widened in shock as you gasped into the kiss, but decided to close your eyes in response and deepen it by tilting your head into it more, pushing against him.
Pulling away slightly, disconnecting your lips, he gently laid his forehead against yours and couldn’t help the smile that took up his whole face. Opening his eyes to already see yours staring at him with such love and admiration had him nearly keening to his knees out of sheer disbelief. But he held himself strong and instead whispered the words you didn’t know you so desperately wanted to hear.
“I’m still in love with you, y/n.”
Your only response was to grab him by his shirt and tug him impossibly closer to you kissing him again in a slow and passionate kiss. This time, you both thought, you would make it work.
Why I think Fine Line has to be listened to in full: A masterpost
So, a couple of weeks ago, literally one lovely anon asked me to do some Fine Line and Walls lyric analyses, which I know is not probable cause for me to bombard all your dashes with a masterpost of incoherent rambling. However, as I began trying to analyse the songs on Fine Line individually, I realised that most of my opinions are built upon the links between the songs. So, I decided that I’m going to try and explain why I think that Fine Line is more like a journey through a long-term relationship, from Harry’s perspective, than twelve stand alone songs (i.e. You need to listen to all the songs on the album in order to understand some of the more cryptic meanings). I don’t necessarily think that there’s something major to say about all the songs (Harry can be quite literal at times) but I’m going to talk about each of the lyrical choices that stand out to me.
So, without further ado, here is my take on Fine Line:
Golden
I’m kicking this off with Golden, mainly because it’s the first on FL but also because I think my interpretation differs slightly from others I’ve seen.
Golden, for me, really starts off the album by introducing us to where Harry is at now upon his journey with the album’s subject. It’s essentially an ode to an amazing, ‘golden’ person, who has continued to persevere with Harry as he’s gone through some trying and testing stages, which will then be acknowledged and spoken about later in the album. Here’s why:
Golden, golden, golden, as I open my eyes,
Hold it, focus, hoping, take me back to the light.
So, Harry starts us off with some hefty repetition that confirms straight away just how great this person is. However, when he says ‘as I open my eyes’, I think he’s referring to the early days of their relationship. In the following line, therefore, I believe he’s longing for the ease of their early days. The subject and their greatness hasn’t changed (hence the present tense and frequent commands in the second line) but Harry has, and whilst he knows its for the best, he can’t help but long for the simplicity of when they first met.
I know you were way too bright for me.
I'm hopeless, broken. So, you wait for me in the sky.
Browns my skin just right
Here’s where I start to get the idea that it is Harry’s issues that have perhaps separated the two of them. Through it all, the person has remained perfect (in Harry’s eyes), someone to look up to who has a wonderful patience and enough love for Harry to ‘wait’ for him. The line ‘browns my skin just right’ is so lovely, because whilst Harry is acknowledging that there were times when their relationship may not have been working, this person’s perfection has never faltered, and they’ve continued to improve Harry’s life and make him happy.
You're so golden (x2)
I'm out of my head
And I know that you're scared
Because hearts get broken
So, I feel like the final lines of each chorus are where people start to get confused with this song. I think – and here’s where I think people might start to disagree with me – that Harry isn’t saying that this Golden figure is scared of their own heart getting broken, but Harry’s. Whilst they continue to be perfect, ‘golden’ in every way possible, they’re afraid for Harry, of what Harry might face as a result of his actions but this song is Harry’s way of saying that it’s okay, I’ll be fine.
I don't wanna be alone (x2)
When it ends, don't wanna let you know
I don't wanna be alone
This part confuses me a little, because when what ends Harry? Going down the lines of the rest of my interpretation, I’m gonna guess that Harry is talking about their relationship. This, to me, is one of the many times across Fine Line where Harry admits his faults a lot more than most other artists do in their songs. He doesn’t want to be apart from this person, so much so that he’d be willing to make it work even if it should truly be over.
But I, I can feel it take a hold (x2)
I can feel you take control (x2)
Of who I am and all I've ever known
Loving you's the antidote
But, it doesn’t really matter, because he’s happy allowing this person to steer the course of the rest of his life. Loving them is the ‘antidote’ to his fears, and he wishes they could see just how wonderful they are so that they’ll stop worrying about him.
Chorus repeated
Bridge
I do find his live lyric changes very interesting here, I’m pretty sure he’s now said all of these at some point ‘I’m hoping someday you’ll open’, ‘I’m hoping someday he’ll open’ and ‘I’m hoping someday I’ll open’. Either way, they all still fit in this interpretation for me. I find it especially interesting that the last lyric change (at the jingle ball) was so recent. I think perhaps this is yet another indication that the turmoil referenced in this song is not yet over.
I know that you're scared
Because I'm so open
These are another two lines that I see talked about a LOT and they are hugely important to my interpretation of this song. I do NOT believe that Harry is saying this person is scared because they can’t be as open as Harry. I believe, again, that he’s saying they’re scared for him. They’re scared of the possible backlash that Harry might face for his openness (if we’re getting personal, perhaps his gender expression, his sexuality, etc.). For me, Harry definitely isn’t saying, I know you’re scared to be as open as me, it’s him saying: I know you’re scared about me being the way that I am, about how it might get me hurt. But I. have. you. And that’s all I could ever need, it’s the antidote to all my fears, and I hope one day you’ll be able to see that you’re the reason I’m able to be this ‘open’.
Overall, I think Golden is Harry’s promise that, for as long as he has the ‘golden’ subject, he’s safe from his heart being ‘broken’.
Watermelon Sugar
I don’t think that Watermelon Sugar has been wrongly interpreted in the past (ie, I do think it can be read as a celebration of the joy found in a sexual relationship). However, I think some lyrics are actually super wholesome, and I read WS as more of a teenage version of Golden.
For example:
Tastes like strawberries
On a summer evenin'
And it sounds just like a song
I want more berries
And that summer feelin'
It's so wonderful and warm
Everything about this first verse just screams adolescence to me? The summer evenings are those in which you played out with your friends until the sun finally went in at 9pm, and the ‘song’ is a beautiful one that you’re listening to for the first time. That’s what the love felt like for him, at first. It was passionate, yes, but also endlessly warm and safe.
Baby you’re the end of June
What do we associate with June here in the UK? Long days of (well I wish it was endless, but at least persistent) sunshine. Here’s where I get my evidence that WS is about the same person as Golden. This person is a ‘summer evening’ personified, they’re his sunshine.
I want your belly
This lyric is just??? The cute little face emoji??? In a lyric??? Like, ‘belly’ isn’t a word I hear adults use very often??? This lyric tells us that Harry longs for that feeling of initial infatuation, the time when all they could think about was being together and getting lost in one another.
Ultimately, I see WS as the Golden prequel. It’s their relationship before either of them faced any hardship, when they were able to be freely and completely ‘washed’ up in one another. The WS days are the days he yearns for when he asks to be ‘[taken] back to the light’ in Golden.
Adore You
Not a huge amount to say about this song. I think it’s worth mentioning that there are many indications that it’s definitely about the same lover as Golden and WS. Harry uses similar weather analogies, this time referring to a ‘rainbow paradise’ instead of the more literal sunshine he refers to in Golden and WS. But it’s the same theme. AY makes it clear that Harry associates this person with everything bright, warm and comfortable, they’re ‘brown skin and lemon over ice’, they’re his summer. This song, however, is more about him begging for them to just let him indulge himself in his love for them.
Lights Up
I don’t have much to say about the whole song that hasn’t already been said but have we talked about this lyric?
All the lights couldn't put out the dark
Running through my heart
Because I think it’s important that he accepts darkness in a song and an album that is otherwise so focused on the light. I will be saying this a lot, but Harry has a habit of acknowledging his humanness in his lyrics in a way that I don’t think a lot of artists manage to (think: ‘arrogant son of a bitch’, ‘what am I now?’, ‘I’m selfish so I’m hating it’). This line really does it for me. ‘Lights up’, otherwise, is a non-apology for Harry accepting who he is. But in this line, he seems to acknowledge that it doesn’t matter how much he accepts himself, it doesn’t right the wrongs he’s committed, or dull his imperfections. But Lights Up is him saying ‘I don’t care’.
So earlier, when I said that he’s asking the subject of Golden not to be scared? This is what he’s talking about. He’s asking them not to be scared about the consequences of him stepping into the light because he’s not scared any more; he doesn’t care if his ‘heart gets broken’, because he’s done not being ‘open’, and he’s joining his ‘golden’ person in the light.
Cherry
Cherry is where the album begins to truly delve into the more difficult parts of this relationship, where they perhaps took some time apart.
I was going to do a full lyric analysis of it, but the more I look at it, the more I just think it’s Harry at his absolute pettiest (and if anything that kind of makes me love it more??)
Have we ever discussed how much he sounds like a stroppy child when he says ‘Did you know I still talk to [your friends]?’ or ‘Does he take you walking round his parent’s gallery?’ I can almost picture Harry asking these questions in a high-pitched, whiny voice when he drop some stuff round at an ex’s place. The reason this makes me love him even more is he’s not just admitting to that post-break up stage that we all go through but kind of pretend that we don’t, he actually wrote a whole fucking song about it. He’s admitting that even he isn’t free from getting a bit overly bitter about watching your lover be happy without you. It’s such a lovely way to capture what is otherwise quite an unpleasant feeling, and again, it’s Harry acknowledging his humanness.
Falling
And then, after that initial feeling of utter pettiness and jealousy, comes the dejection, the realisation that you’re not the same person that you were when you were in the relationship as you are now, without them. Cherry and Falling confirm, for me, that whether it’s a break up Harry’s talking about, or just some really serious troubles, this relationship really forced him to look inside himself.
Most of its quite self-explanatory, but there are some particularly heart-breaking lyrics in this song. In the last chorus, when Harry asks ‘What if you’re someone I just want around?’ he perfectly captures that feeling of knowing that right now, your relationship may not be healthy for either party, but, as it’s basically all you know, you just want that well-known comfort. He’s almost begging them here, asking them why his love for them isn’t enough to make it work, even though he knows they need time apart.
Linking it to my interpretation of the rest of the album, I think there’s a real importance in the image of Harry ‘falling’. He told us in ‘lights up’ that he was never coming back down, yet now? He’s ‘falling again’. He hasn’t reached the ground, but he’s in danger of doing so.
Also, I feel the need to talk about the short bridge
I get the feeling that you’ll never need me again
I think the really important thing here is the verb, to need. I don’t think Harry believes there is no chance of repairing the relationship. Instead, I think that he knows there’s a possibility they’ll want one another again, but they’re grown enough to recognise that they can exist apart, they don’t need each other anymore.
Therefore, as gut-wrenching as this song is, I see it as Harry’s acceptance that he might not need this other person in his life to display the confidence he did in Lights Up, but he wants them there, oh so desperately, ultimately bringing us back round to ‘loving you’s the antidote’.
To Be So Lonely
The last of the not-so-happy tracks (well, other than Fine Line but we’ll get on to that). Their relationship is on the up again, but there is a lot of repairing to do.
Again, this song isn’t overly cryptic. But there are some important things to note.
Don’t call me baby again
In ‘Cherry’, he was pleading with them not to use that pet name with another man. Now, he’s pleading with them not to use it on him. I get the sense that he’s finally accepted that they can’t immediately act like nothing's happened, and is willing to try at friendship, but he isn’t quite ready yet himself.
I just hope you see me in a little better light
Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind?
Light imagery, again. He’s hoping that now, the subject is able to see him as a better person, perhaps less petty and angry as he was in Cherry and less self-pitying than he was in Falling. Once again, he beautifully displays his flaws in the following line, making it clear that even pop star Harry Styles is guilty of being a jealous little bastard.
And this is it, so I’m sorry
When he enters the chorus after this line, he creates the impression that the chorus is his apology, confirming what he said earlier on in the song (that he’s actually just really bloody bad at apologising). But even considering the moody undertones, this is still an apology. He’s saying that he knows this person had their reasons to spend some time away from him, he knows they both needed it, he just needs a little more time to wallow. It’s the most indulgent song on the album.
I think it’s really important to note that whilst the tone of the song can appear slightly angry, he never once calls the subject out on any of their faults. It’s just as self-deprecating as the rest of the album, and he doesn’t imply that the subject is ever anything but the same person he idolised in Golden, WS or AY. Essentially, TBSL is Harry making it clear that he needs time to be dramatic, even when he knows they’re going to make it.
She
I’ve seen some absolutely wonderful analyses of She, and I share in the sentiment that it is most likely about a journey with gender identity, so I will refrain from rewriting the thoughts of others here.
I do, however, think it’s worth mentioning that back in the Golden analysis, when I referred to the thing that maybe scares the ‘Golden’ figure, and back in the Lights Up analysis, when I said that Harry has found who he is? I definitely believe there’s a link to the journey referenced in She. I think Harry’s journey to self acceptance was something that he had to go through alone, but that didn’t stop it from impacting upon his relationships.
Imo, Sunflower forms the final part of the perfect trio of celebratory songs, alongside Golden and Watermelon Sugar. Golden encompasses the journey, Watermelon Sugar is the beginning and Sunflower comes after the period of separation, as they’re rebuilding their relationship. It’s basically Watermelon Sugar 2.0, the adult version.
Sunflower, Vol. 6
And finally, we're out of the woods!
This time, however, Harry has realised his worth. My not-very-common interpretation of this song is that Harry is the sunflower, not the subject. Why do I think this? Well:
Sunflower (x2), my eyes, want you more than a melody
Like a sunflower turned towards the sun, Harry is stuck pining for this person and longing for their light, ‘more than a melody’. Again, we have multiple links to different songs. The first time they got together (referenced in WS) their love was ‘like a song’. This time, he wants them more than a melody. It’s going to be better, brighter and happier. Alike Golden, this person is as important as the sun, but now Harry, too, is something beautiful. (I know that he always was but he’s realised it now)
Let me inside
Wish I could get to know you
Sunflowers, sometimes, keep it sweet in your memory
Here’s the line that really makes me think Harry is the sunflower, not the subject. In order to be talking about the subject when he uses the word Sunflower, this line would be a switch from speaking directly to the subject, to speaking directly to an audience. I think it’s much simpler than that. If we read the whole song, instead, as simply him speaking only to his subject, then he’s almost asking them to ‘keep it sweet in [their] memory’. Perhaps, this is him showing them that he knows he’s always been this beautiful in their memory, but now he’s aware of it, and wants to ‘get [back] inside’.
I was just tongue-tied
I don't wanna make you feel bad, but I've been trying hard not to talk to you
This just has super innocent energy for me. It’s mega-sweet. He doesn’t want to make them feel bad, he knows he had to learn who he was, and now he’s figured it out he’s just desperate to share it with them.
I couldn't want you any more
Kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor
I couldn’t want you anymore tonight.
Wondering headshake, tired eyes are the death of me.
Mouthful of toothpaste, before I got to know you.
I have nothing to say other than these lines are adorably domestic. He’s longing for the warmth and comfort of the love he knows they can share together.
I've got your face, hung up high in the gallery
I love this shade
Again, Harry’s making it clear that he still sees this person as worthy of his ultimate devotion. But this time, the tone is just way simpler than Golden. ‘I love this shade’ suggests to me that he just loves what they are now - he loves to colours that they’ve grown to be, together.
The rest of the song is quite repetitive but there are some stand outs:
Your flowers just died
Plant new seeds in the melody
Yet another lyric that makes me think that Harry is suggesting that he’s the flower and not the subject. He’s changed, been reborn, and now they can plant new seeds together and he’ll grow into something even better. What’s important, really, is that he belongs to the subject, he’s their flower.
And lastly, just,
I’m still tongue tied
Basically, confirmation that this song is about re-infatuation. He was tongue tied in the past, back in the WS days, and he still is now. He’s absolute enamoured with this person, and even now, they have the ability to make him speechless.
Ultimately, Sunflower Vol. 6 is about the feeling of falling in love a second, third, fourth, etc. time over. It’s about rediscovering everything you love about a person, and it brings us out of the rocky part of the album.
Canyon Moon
Finally, they’re back together. Everything is so good this time that whenever he’s around any other couple, he’s thinking of the subject.
There’s not much to say here, other than Harry’s repetitive bridge of multiple ‘I’m going home’ is sooooooo sweet because it’s almost like he’s just sharing with the listeners how he is so elated that he gets to call this person his home again.
Treat People with Kindness
This is probably the only song that doesn’t appear to fit smoothly into my interpretation, but I do think it’s Harry finally acknowledging the outside world, beyond him and the subject. For instance, he doesn’t only use the pronoun ‘I’, but ‘we’ and ‘us’ (If we’re here long enough, they’ll sing a song for us).
Therefore, I don’t really know how else to interpret this other than it being Harry’s request for the world to stop judging everyone and their relationships so harshly. Meaning I can’t, for the life of me, understand a reading in which the relationship that he’s on about isn’t a queer one. But I don’t think I need to get into that...
Fine Line
I’ve already written several in-depth analyses of Fine Line and some of the lyrics that stand out for me (which you can read here), so I’m not going to do it again. However, I think it’s the most beautiful way Harry could have possibly ended the album. It may seem, according to this entire masterpost, that Fine Line wouldn’t make sense as the final song because the overriding tone of the last third of the album is so positive (whilst the song itself is so utterly heart-wrenching).
However, one thing that I think I need to mention here, is that no matter what him and his subject go through and no matter how much Harry endures, this person has remained, without fault, his ‘sunshine’, and Fine Line confirms that for us. Yet, he also acknowledges that the subject is also human, so human that they both have things even they’ll ‘never know’, and his subject has layers upon layers in their being --> spreading you open, is the only way of knowing you
Ultimately, Fine Line (the song) confirms, for me, that this entire album is focused on someone that Harry has found a true soulmate in, his ‘sunshine’, but someone who he is in reachable distance of, who he can join in the ‘light’. And together, they’ll get through whatever the world throws at them. In a way, Fine Line almost completes a perfect circle, bringing us back around to Golden, ready to start the album again. The journey explored in the album is both Harry’s romance with the subject and his own journey to self acceptance, which are closely intertwined (revealed immediately in Golden). When we reach the final song, he’s accepted himself, but he knows that he and his partner are going to face more difficulties. Their fight isn’t over. But, with his overwhelming love for the person...
