Discover Top Posts Tagged with #false selves

Loving the Idea of a Person

It has always fascinated me that we can imagine having conversations with other people. With varying degrees of accuracy, perhaps depending on experience with the person and your personal skill at prediction, we can imagine their responses and whether things will make them happy or not.

We have this false self that we have created for them. We think we know how they will respond to things, and we think that we understand. But what if we are wrong?

If we build people up because we want them to be great, or horrible, or whatever else, then how would we respond if we interact with them and they are something different. This is more of a problem the less we know about a person.

I suppose that there is a degree of certainty that we can have with each person, depending on how well we know them, but we can never be sure. Humans are too complicated; how we react to a statement can depend on our mood, how we feel at that moment, our feelings about the other person, and numerous other environmental/temporary factors.

Is it folly to even predict what another person might say? I think not! But we must be aware of that margin of error, especially regarding people we do not know well.

Who knows what he/she might say?

The best relationship advice I ever received: Just go talk to her!

(PS. This does not mean she should not ever start a conversation with you though...it works both ways.

#people #false selves #selfhood #predicting responses #psychology #personal relationships #social psychology

Different parts of yourself.

Different parts that make up your whole personality when traumatized - from responses to a question I found online. 1. Healthy - where we would all like to spend most of our time. Where we feel happy, content, validated, OK with ourselves. 2. Punitive Parent - all those critical "I shouldn't be ill, I should be able to cope better" thoughts. Where you're really hard on yourself, scolding yourself for your perceived weaknesses. 3. Detached Protector - shut down mode. Where everything is simply too much to handle so you tend to dissociate. For me this is the worst mode because it's where I tend to have the self-damaging thoughts and behaviours. But it's a coping strategy for when things get too much - you detach yourself from your emotions to protect yourself. 4. The Vulnerable Child - that scared little kid inside each of us who really just wants hugged and told they're a nice person. This is the mode that is most upset by rejection and abandonment, and often I will flip into Protector or Stroppy to avoid feeling so vulnerable. 5. Stroppy (sorry, I can't remember it's official title - it's just what suits me) - this is the aggressive, impulsive, out of control side. In reality, it's a mode that we tend to flip into to avoid feeling vulnerable. If you carefully deconstruct the events leading up to these "episodes", you will begin to spot triggers that have threatened to upset you and you've become angry, impulsive and a bit crazy to avoid feeling the really horrible, painful emotions.

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Another response:

I too have been struggling with this and for me it is a relief to hear that I am not alone. Sometimes I am hesitant to go into certain situations because I'm not sure that I'm going to be myself when I get there. All it takes is one trigger and I can go numb. It sucks. Mine seem to be the following, so far: Numb, Aloof: My emotions are flat, I don't feel connected to other or excitement/energy. It feels like I exist more on the right side on my head. Underneath it all: This is when I feel small, coddled and definitely not like a 28-year-old man. I am more perfectionist and slow, not so intelligent. Very simple. Feels comfortable, but also feels like a rut. I feel like a piece of furniture. Crazy: This is when I have so much energy that I just don't know what to do with myself. I have to say this is my favorite and feels closest to my true self. I'm not numb, I don't feel like a walking couch. I'm able to experience the different sides of me arguing for the wheel. I'd say this is being conscious, being whole. The problem is that I eventually lose it. That's when I get say or frustrated. Interestingly enough, recently I quite smoking and I felt great and normal for about a week, heightened energy levels, felt strong, confident... now I still haven't been smoking, but I feel kind of like I did before... (mentally) I think it has to do with addiction. I am not smoking cigarettes, but my mind is working on other things... I need challenges and all sorts of things that I'm simply not surrounding myself with in order to feel whole. I do see triggers and things that lead up to this. One is work, the lady I work for... Sometimes I feel like she can be a total bitch. Then there is a friend who I feel "has power over me". I honestly think so much of this has to do with being some sort of call to honor yourself and take care of yourself and follow your true desires in life. I don't know about anybody else here, but there have been so many times where I've betrayed myself or not stuck up for myself and I think that's led me to become somebody else... and now that I'm realizing all of this, I have to deal with all of those false selves begging for attention. And by false selves I mean the fact that one portion of who you are claims to be the whole thing and the real deal... as mentioned by a previous poster... it is not false as in it needs to be discarded... it is false as in it needs to be embraced along with everything else. For example, it's like the ego... if you go shooting and have a really good shot, but know nothing about guns and people start to praise you, then you get attached to this idea that you're an amazing shooter and nobody can stop you, you're going to experience a lot of pain and frustration when that voice comes in that says "I'm not a gun expert, I'm just a dude that likes to try new things, building model cars is really what I'm good at." If you were just honest about this from the beginning, there would be balance... So I think the road back to feeling normal is to really start to express yourself and be honest. Take a look at the world around you and see what you agree with and disagree with, tell people how you feel . If your inner child comes up with something, let it say what it has to say... take it to the park and think of times where it wasn't like that, get perspective, read books on your interests. Anyway, I think I'm running out of steam, but I'd like to say that I'm happy to be here and read similar experiences and I hope this helps.

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#bpd #help #split personalities #false selves