#fantasy ikea

[kezzart]

I love D&D.  These are antics with me and my friends and bless our DM for putting up with our antics at a Fantasy Ikea. 

[danceintheskies]

[softtinyhands]

Fantasy Ikea

Unpoppable Cherry Double Bubble - Chewing this gum allows the user to blow a large red unpoppable bubble  that surrounds the user’s head, making them feather light!!

Allows the user to levitate for 2d10 minutes

20 GP

Unpoppable Blueberry Double Bubble -  Chewing this gum allows the user to blow a large blue unpoppable bubble that surrounds the user’s head, giving you a clean air supply!

Allows the user to breath under water for 2d10 minutes

20 GP

Morning Soul Wood - A prosthetic penis made of soul wood. Given time, it will attune to the wearer’s body and functions the same way a penis of the person’s flesh would.

Grants +2 on Persuasion rolls related to seduction.

60 GP

Coke bottle glasses - Pros: you’ll be able to see like you’ve never seen before. Cons: Everyone will think you’re a nerd :/

Grants +2 to Perception Checks and Passive Perception

90 GP

Large Print Proverb Bible - The easily accessible print and excessive use of phrases from back in the day make this Bible especially appealing to an older crowd

Can be used as a holy symbol. Grants +1 to the user’s spell save DC and spell attack rolls.

90 GP

Iridescent arrow and pendant - an arrow and pendant cut from the same moonstone. They say moonstone is the gem of travelers…

After attuning to the user’s body, the arrow and pendant can be used as a teleportation device. The arrow is shot anywhere within the range of the user’s bow and the wearer of the pendant switches places with the arrow.

When shooting the arrow, roll 1d6. If you roll a 1, the arrow breaks and the pendant shatters causing 1d4 piercing damage. All other rolls are successful, and, as long as the arrow is retrieved, it can be used until it breaks. Roll 4d20 to see how far you teleport. Can be used only 2 times a day.

80 GP

Hand knit sweater - There was a reason Grandma told you to never leave the house without one.

Grants the wearer resistance to cold damage.

40 GP

Rhinestone Shades - These aren‘t your everyday cheap sunglasses, these are cheap sunglasses with shiny baubles! Everyone’s too busy looking at your dazzling shades to notice who you are!

Add +3 to Deception rolls regarding your identity (i.e. as the local militia runs past, you point down the alley while bedecked in your stunning eye wear and yell: “The killer went that way!”)

40 GP

Chanel No 5 - Utterly irresistible

Forces disadvantage on saves against enchantment spells

200 GP

The Amulet of Sparky Sparky Boom Man - After attuning to it, once per long rest you can speak a power word over the Amulet of Sparky Sparky Boom Man, this summoning Sparky Sparky Boom Man himself. Sparky Sparky Boom Man is a fire elemental who is hell-bent on destruction. He springs into existence, makes two touch based attacks:

Melee Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 10 (2d6 + 3) fire damage. If the target is a creature or a flammable object, it ignites. Until a creature takes an action to douse the fire, the target takes 5 (1d10) fire damage at the start of each of its turns. After two touch attacks, Sparky Sparky Boom Man explodes, hitting anyone in a twenty foot radius with 3d8 fire damage. You have no control over who he hits with his touch attacks, although he'll never hit you. When he does his touch attacks roll 1d10. On a roll of 1, one of his touch attacks hits a random companion. A roll of 2-10 means both of his attacks will hit enemies. If there is only one enemy, he will automatically hit a companion and an enemy. Exactly who is hit is at the discretion of the dm.

100 GP

Stone of Far Speech - A small stone that can connect to other similar stones and allow for communication between the owners.

40 GP

Scuttle Buddy - A mechanical beetle that the user can use for spying. It will talk to the user, but won't have anything interesting to say beyond its primary function. The owner can wind it up four times before it breaks. The beetle can easily fit through small places and climb walls. It cannot fly and is very fragile.

100 GP

Wand of Switcharoo - Once a day, when pointed at another creature of similar size within 100ft, the target and the holder of the wand will switch places. If the target is unwilling to switch, it must succeed a DC 17 Constitution saving throw to remain in place.

200 GP

Slippies of Haste - Footwear that resemble house slippers with small aesthetic wings attached on the heel. These slippers give the wearer Advantage on initiative rolls.

90 GP

Haunted Doll - A very creepy looking doll. When the owner of this doll fails a third death saving throw, the doll will die in place of its owner.

200 GP

Cloak of the Manta Ray - A slick, black leather cloak that grants the wearer a +1 to AC. When the wearer in submerged in water, it grants the wearer +2 AC instead, grants water breathing, and allows 60ft of underwater movement speed.

100 GP

Shield of Heroic Memories -This perfectly round silver shield initially has a mirror finish. As a hero takes it into battle it remembers the enemies encountered, gaining a +1 to AC on any subsequent battle with creatures of that type. The events of the battle are intricately engraved onto the shield’s surface (which has a seemingly endless capacity for detail).

The bearer of the shield may also attempt to recount past battles (real or imagined) to the shield. Upon a DC 10 charisma check or DC 15 deception check, the shield confers a +1 AC against the creatures described in the tall tales.

3 failed attempts at recounting stories cause the shield to be cleared of all of its memories. The engravings disappear. It reverts to its mirror finish. All bonuses are lost.

300 GP

The Glutton's Fork - Once a day, this fork will allow the user to eat any non-magical item they can fit in their mouth and regain 2d6 hit points. Just tap the the fork on the item and it will turn edible.

60 GP

Plastic Sheriff's Badge - Adds +3 to deception skill checks when impersonating a person of authority.

60 GP 

All-or-Nothing Coin - Once a day, the owner of the coin can substitute a regular 2-sided coin flip in place of a d20 roll. If the coin lands on heads, it is considered a Critical Hit. If the coin lands on tails, it is considered a Critical Fail.

50 GP

Ring of the Grammarian - The wearer of this ring can, once a day, alter one letter on a spell's title to alter the spell being cast for a different effect:

Example:

Cause Fear becomes Cause Bear.

The effect of these altered spells are determined by the DM, but with the caster's intentions taken into account.

100 GP

PHARMACY SECTION

Potion of Healing - All cow’s blood in this potion was obtained from free range, grass-fed cattle.

Heals 2d4+2 hit points upon consumption

15 GP

Nut Mylk - Every travelling party has that one vegan…

Heals 2d4+3 hit points upon consumption

16 GP

Alchemist Ring - When the wearer of this ring imbibes a healing potion, they recieve an additional 1d6 hit points.

50 GP

Vampire Facial - A facial made of vampire’s blood. How did we get vampire’s blood? Isn’t vampire’s blood super poisonous? To these accusatory questions we say: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. This will make you beautiful and that’s all that counts.

This item permanently raises the user’s Charisma by one, but can only be used once— multiple exposures to vampire’s blood will cause the user’s heart to stop. You won’t be undead, just regular dead.

30 GP

Lord Tanygun the Rad’s Totally Medicinal Cave Moss - The dankest of herbs. Use it for back pain, to calm your anxiety, as a sleeping aid, or to get lit the fuck up.

An airbender who smokes it will gain a +4 to bending proficiency for the duration of the weed’s effects, but will be unable to cast concentration spells and will take a -1 to intelligence. Anyone else who smokes it will gain a +1 to bending and a +2 to charisma checks, but again but will be unable to cast concentration spells and will take a -1 to intelligence. The effects of the weed last 2 hours. When smoked outside a battle the user will fall asleep 20 minutes after smoking. The weed lasts for 10 individual smoking sessions, or 5 group sessions.

42.0 GP

Glitter Lotion - For when your skin is dry but you also want everyone to know you’re a party animal who’s always dtf, or maybe some type of fairy.

Since lotion is made primarily of water, water benders take a +2 to bending proficiency. Additionally this gives a +1 to charisma checks. The lotion’s effects last a day. This tube will give you ten uses.

40 GP

Iron Tablets - For when you’re kind of anemic and you hate leafy greens

An earth bender who takes an iron tablet at the beginning of each day with get a +2 to their bending for that day. This box contains 10 pop-out tablets.

30 GP

Santana Acosta’s Infernal Fire Hot sauce - You think maybe someone misplaced this in the pharmacy section, but there are like 10 bottles here. You suppose someone could get some medicinal use out of it, maybe.

A fire bender who takes a swig of hot sauce and succeeds on a constitution save will gain a +2 to bending for a whole day. The bottle contains 20 good sips.

50 GP

SPF 50 Sunscreen - Everyone should wear sunscreen, always. Slather that shit on. UV rays are dangerous!

Anyone wearing sunscreen can impose disadvantage on fire-based attacks. Has 10 uses, sunscreen application lasts 2 hours, or 1 hour if the wearer happens to get wet.

40 GP

CLEARANCE SECTION

Robe of occasionally useful items [16 total items] - When we first sold this item, we billed it as a Robe of Useful Items. Just one long shouting rant from a slightly scorched customer at our return desk later, and we now know that the items found within aren’t always strictly useful. Still! Sometimes they are, and wouldn’t you rather have this on hand, just in case?

If you want any common item (a crowbar, a rope, a candle, etc) you can try to pull it from your robe by rolling a d3. A roll of 3 gets you the item you wanted, a roll of 2 gets you an item that isn’t quite what you wanted, but is relevant to your situation, and a roll of 1 gets you an item that isn’t relevant to your situation, and could possibly be dangerous.

The exact item received on a roll of one or two is chosen at the dms discretion.

10 GP

Pocket Pickler - Okay, our manufacturers kiiiiiiiiind of fucked the bag real bad on this one. The Pocket Pickler is designed to pickle picklable perishables in your pocket once an hour, which it does! Stick a cucumber in there and you’ll have a sour dill in sixty minutes! It’ll just be very, very poisonous. Oops?

The Pocket Pickler comes with 5 starting cucumbers.

10 GP

Jar of Bees - Exactly what it says on the tin, err— glass?

An object limited only by your creativity and what our Dearest Mint will allow. Bees do 1d3 piercing damage per sting, plus 1d20 poison damage when the attacked individual has an allergy, so use your buzzy little friends wisely.

5 GP

Vial of Pink Fluid - It’s probably not great to go around drinking random, unlabeled vials, but it does smell /delicious/

Gives no bonuses, but will give the drinker an erection lasting 2 hours.

1 GP

Jar of Dirt - You've got a jar of dirt! 

Earth benders can coat their hands with it at the beginning of the day to attune with their element, granting +1 bending proficiency for the day. Can also be used to earthbend in a pinch, though it does three less damage than your attack would usually do due to it's small size. Contains 5 uses, though using it as a bending material consumes it entirely

10 GP

Old Bottle of Water - Someone left this bottle put in the sun. Now it’s all cloudy and full of plastic chemicals.

Water benders can coat their hands with it at the beginning of the day to attune with their element, granting +1 bending proficiency for the day. Can also be used to water bend in a pinch, though it does three less damage than your attack would usually do due to it's small size. Contains 5 uses, though using it as a bending material consumes it entirely

10 GP

Travel-sized Lighter Fluid - Why anyone would allow lighter fluid on an airplane in the first place is beyond me.

Fire benders can coat their hands with it at the beginning of the day to attune with their element, granting +1 bending proficiency for the day. Can also be used to fire bend in a pinch, though it does three less damage than your attack would usually do due to it's small size. Contains 5 uses, though using it as a bending material consumes it entirely 

10 GP

Jar of chalk dust (with glitter) - For gay gymnasts only

Air benders can coat their hands with it at the beginning of the day to attune with their element, granting +1 bending proficiency for the day. Contains 5 uses. You could also throw it in someone’s eyes to blind them. 

10 GP