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okok so one really annoying thing abt DID i've realized recently is when different alters have different interests in a relationship

i always was so frustrated & confused when i was younger abt being interested in someone, or an idea, then suddenly repulsed by it or totally disinterested. or a weird juggle of BOTH that left me unable to enjoy what was going on but unwilling to step back.

now... i understand it's my DID. and man it's not any less annoying now that i'm aware. i could flirt w/ someone i'm interested in yet a very loud part inside keeps being all NO. I DONT LIKE IT. STOP.

i dont know how to possibly manage this but it's. annoying. i don't wanna disappoint ppl by leading them on then suddenly being repulsed so i tend to pull away :/

#sunroom.txt #faun.txt #actuallydid #at least me & italy have an interest in the same person rn #idk who is repulsed by it but i see u its ok

I wanna have crushes on ppl but I don't want them to notice me bc dear lord I am embarrassing and not in a good way

#faun.txt #crushes #anxious attachment #disorganized attachment #fearful avoidant #there's so many names to theses attachment styles jeez

😐

#wtnv #wtdb #desert bluffs #lauren mallard #wtnv lauren #joyousillustrations #faun.txt

I just think it's funny that almost if not every fanart of nightheart I've seen he has some orange here and there even tho he was described multiple times that he's all black and there's nothing orange about him

#faun.txt #warrior cats #nightheart #flamepaw #a starless clan #asc warriors #i think he would hate it if he knew

me: ugh I hate when a ship have many names. why can't people just stick with one? it's weird.

me looking at bakudeku variations: they are all so pretty and i love them very much

#bakudeku #bkdk #decchan #katsudeku #dynadeku #bakudoriya #faun.txt

the bkdk relationship seems to be getting more romantic and at the same time I've never seen so much "they're like siblings" in my life

something feels odd

#bnha #mha #bkdk #bakudeku #if you see them as siblings thats okay #you do you #but don't come here to tell me to stop. it will be useless #deku #bakugou katsuki #faun.txt #midoriya izuku

you know what i was thinking about?

how much similar deku and kirishima are in personality-wise. like, they're known for being the sunshine, happy-go-lucky boys. they could bound over similar things and, hell, even their insecurities are alike.

and you know what else is funny?

that bakugou hated deku and is best friend with kirishima, even tho they're the same.

both of them loves bakugou (shipping or not, they love him) and whants to help him. they both want to be with him and be by his side.

but only one was able to do that without trying too hard.

deku spent basically his whole fucking life trying to be noticed by kacchan (and he was but it's not what this is about) and then there's this guy who, well, basically told him "hey i can help u win this" and then bf(f)s.

wasn't that what deku was trying to do all this time? help bakugou? extend his hand and kacchan would accept it? he sure was!

and then there's even a whole pannel about helping hands with bakugou and kirishima!

the thing here is, both are the same but only kirishima was accepted because he has a quirk.

and now im asking, did bakugou ever noticed this? did his friendship with kiri helped him noticed how unfair he was with deku?

IS THIS ALL JUST A FUCKING HUGE COINCIDENCE?????

MAYBE??????

IDK?????

and YEAH, deku wants to surpress bakugou and be the n1 hero and kiri is equal to bkg BUT UUUGGGHH YOU KNOW????

honestly I don't fully know the point i'm trying to make here but i'm feeling something or maybe i finally went crazy. or this is some weird projection somehow.

does anyone with abandonment issues doesn't get attached? and instead just fucking fears intimacy and opening up?

#abandonment issues #fear of intimacy #faun.txt