Author’s note: omg hi initially i didn’t want to write anything as i am an avid reader and enjoyer of gut-wrenching ANGST😋, but suddenly i was struck with inspiration, i don’t know whether i should continue it or not, but if i do, then this series will be a four-part series as there are 4 stages of icing (hence, the name of the writing😋) i hope you guys enjoyed it as much as i wrote it HIHI, have a great day ahead my fellow moots and non-moots!🤍🫶🏻
link to my ao3!
The 4 stages of therapeutic icing:
Stage 1: Coldness
They say that snow is something that should be appreciated, to be adored, to be gazed upon, to be enthralled with, but why does it make you feel the utter opposite?
You were strolling through the park as the first snow of the season starts to fall, making people around you gush and feel excited as they get to experience the full winter wonderland effect. You took this time to reminiscence the fragments of memories in your mind, desperately holding on to what you assumed was yours, but truth be told, it was never yours from the start.
“Here, I think this will warm you up,” as someone approached you with two paper cups of steaming hot chocolate, you instantly recognised the voice of your beloved, the one that had held and owned your heart from the very moment you set your eyes upon him. “Thank you,” you replied, carefully taking the cup away from him as your fingers brush against each other’s, lingered for a slight moment before you pulled away, excited to blow on the wispy beverage as you both have terrifyingly sweet tooths, which is on the borderline of gluttony rather than normalcy.
If it were the ‘before-Zayne’ you, you would expect that the fit and strict doctor would take care of his glucose levels, but it is on the contrary. Nevertheless, you loved him even more, as this flaw (it is not a flaw, I love this about him) making him seem more of a human that has their own areas of weaknesses and tendencies. To further elaborate on this, fun fact: he absolutely despises carrots, even the thought of any desserts related to a certain orange-coloured vegetable would earn a hard “No” from the doctor, (ehem ehem carrot cake and carrot-flavoured macarons). From the way that he is described, other people would think that he is a picky toddler, but he is yours nonetheless, be it the toddler version or the doctor version, as he is the one who held onto your hand whenever he gets the chance, the one who would give you updates on his schedule in his free time and surgeries that would prolong up to 12 hours, the one who would do whatever he could to keep his patients entertained and happy, be it an old woman or the youngest patient in the hospital. He was adored by all ages with his charm and mannerism, always the polite and cool Doctor Li they say. How could people have bad impressions of him when he radiates attentiveness and authority.
“I thought that you wanted to stay in as usual for the first snow,” he started as you both walked alongside each other, arms brushing slightly. You slowly sipped the hot chocolate, watching the steam evaporate into the cold winter air, and buried your nose further into your scarf after tasting the rich and sweet drink that is nestled in your hand, as you replied, “At first, I felt like I wanted to, but seeing that we haven’t got the chance to visit the new park, I took this opportunity to do so!” Zayne could see the enthusiasm and pure joy in your eyes as your breath forms misty clouds of condensation. “We could have go on another day,” he chuckled as he stopped you in your tracks, and tightened the scarf around your neck. “We could, yes, but where is the fun in that? It is the first snow, you silly snowman, we should use it to the advantage! I have lots of things to make, snow angels, snowmans, snow….” You continued to list everything but Zayne was slowly losing focus on what you were saying as he was taken aback by the picturesque view in front of him; you, with snowflakes in your hair, the corner of your eyes squinting as they expressed genuine happiness, the thick blanket of snow behind you. You were beautiful, yes, that was undeniable, but the current you in your element with the background? It is a picture worth framed, if he could, he would like to capture the moment and engrave it into his cornea, so he could go over the scene over and over again. “Zayne? Are you okay?” you asked, slowly worrying as he had not responded to your unreasonable to-do-list or at least give a slight reaction. “It’s okay if you don’t want to do all of those things now, we have the whole season to complete it!” you said enthusiastically, but all Zayne did was stare at you intensely. “Zayne?” you slowly stopped talking and poked his cheek, which finally brought him to consciousness.
“I apologise darling, it seems that I was unresponsive just now, what were you saying?”, he immediately brought his attention back to you, shaking his head a bit.
“Are you already getting bored of me?” you asked, slightly huffed and pouted.
“Never, darling,” he chuckled, it was his turn to poke you back as he aimed for your pout.
“Then, why are you not paying attention?” you huffed again, swatting his finger away from your face.
“I was, but you were too captivating to not stare,” he chuckled again, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.
“If you truly listened, what did I say just now?” you challenged him with a teasing smirk and a playful glint in your eyes.
“That you had a list of things to do in the snow,” Zayne answered as he slowly stalked up to you.
“List them,” you ordered smugly, steadily backing away from him and gradually running away from him giddily.
“Well, firstly, you did mention of making snow angels,” he chuckled as he chased you and gently tackled you onto the thick layer of snow. Laughter and burst of giggles were heard from you as you were being tickled relentlessly by your hazel-eyed lover. If anyone were passing by, the scene was truly a sight to behold as you were tickled pink (literally), you could never ask for more of a perfect moment to enjoy.
Oh, how you wish that you could go back to that exact moment just to relive the heart-warming feeling. You swallowed the bitter thought as you trudged past the exact spot of the tickling scene a few winters before, your sad eyes lingered for a moment on that spot before you heaved a heavy sigh and walked away. The before version of you would never expect that things will turn out this way, she would tell you to get your shit together and slap some sense into you, as if that could possibly change the state of things now.
You were slowly going through all of the moments that you have spent when your heart was full of love and hopefulness, but you cannot vouch that your state of heart is still the same now. Those late nights of pillow talks, the nights of shared breaths, and mingling touches sourly turned into shoddy apologies and missed dates, with you receiving the short end of the stick. You often thought to yourself, was all of this worth it? For you to experience the picture perfect, honeymoon phase just for it to turn into sleepless nights full of crying yourself to sleep, questioning your self-worth alongside the state of your relationship with a certain cardiac surgeon. Sure, there were no big arguments between you two, as one would be too tired to fight, and the other too full of unspoken feelings, afraid that if she lets it out, it would be too overwhelming to bear, succumbing to the isolation of silencing the suffering that she went through.
Strangely, this overbearing feeling hadn’t existed before, so how could it suddenly sprout in the midst of bed of roses?