I Refuse To Be A Prisoner Of Fear
My five-year-old son recently asked me, βMum, whatβs your biggest fear?β Wellβ¦my own ageing, your health, the loss of my family, and living a mediocre life all sprung to mind as responses, but considering his age, I smiled and simply replied: βwaspsβ. I didnβt have to ask him what his biggest fear was. Heβd been waking several nights in a row with a newfound fear of the dark. I could remember how palpable my own fear of the dark was as a child, and how Iβd slowly come to terms with it. Living alone in the woods certainly helped towards this end. How simple now were his placid childhood fears. The years were waiting to magnify them to far more threatening proportions.
Fear touches us all. Some of us have no idea how truly powerful its hold upon us is, yet our very happiness depends on how diligently we guard ourselves against it, how earnestly we control it. Of course, we canβt ditch fear altogether; it has saved us from being trampled by cars when crossing the road, and has protected our babies from harm, yet it is not to be wholly trusted. Fear can be a spy and a criminal, an imposter who professes friendship in order to mask its deceit. It needs to be kept close and monitored, examined and probed, for the more we succumb to it, the more it will enchant us, promising safety at the expense of our own freedom. And, if weβre not vigilant, fear will surreptitiously erect its walls around us, imprisoning us in tall towers of our own unwitting construction. It is then, that it will grin deviously, pretending to protect us, while it is truly the warden of our cells.
Somewhere along the line, I said no. Actually, I shouted it: βNO!!!!!!β Remarkably, I discovered that every time I accepted braveryβs invitation, my little foe grew weaker, smaller, and more manageable with the light of truth upon it. I sought out human examples of bravery wherever I could, those fierce and courageous souls out there who refuse to let fear limit their path. They are the ones who move through life dodging fearβs bullets, accepting challenge, embracing growth, and overcoming worry. Their mere self-belief drives their success and life rewards them for their flexibility and resilience.
Brazilian writer, Paulo Coelho, is just one of these souls. After reading his book βThe Pilgrimageβ, in which he embarked on a 500-mile Spanish pilgrimage route thatβs existed since the Middle Ages, I too wanted to go. Fear was delighted to offer a dozen reasons as to why I shouldnβt go to Spain. Fearβs argument: βYou have no money! You will be alone. It is unsafe, irresponsible. What job will you return to? Wonβt you be lonely? You canβt possibly walk every day for miles. This is foolish! You arenβt brave enough or strong enough. You arenβt one of those people who does incredible thingsβ. I let Fear list all its worries and reasons, and after the onslaught, there remained a little voice inside me that said, βyes I amβ. I knew I had to go. Embarking on the pilgrimage became a personal challenge to combat fear. I didnβt realise it at the time, but my decision to go would reshape my whole belief system around fear. I would tackle my worries surrounding scarcity, loneliness and strength, and ultimately gain the faith that I too was deserving of a remarkable and extraordinary existence. Having learned this, I am now better equipped to pass on these values to my children.
Our truths, our whispered hopes and dreams, ceaselessly follow us around, begging to be realised. Life has much more to offer us than worried stagnancy. Time will ignorantly press on, with the passing of each sun and moon, to etch deeper lines into our fleshβa visible road map of the joys and heartaches of our journey. And death will find us inevitably. Yet how we live before then, is our gift. Fear would have us frozen in position with each new sunriseβthe same thoughts and anxieties trapping us day after day. Yet when the sun rises again, let it find us wiser, stronger, and diving further into our fears, rather than running from them. With every act of fortitude, we take a hammer to Fearβs walls, enough to reveal that big beautiful world thatβs eagerly waiting for us to embrace it. The more we do what scares us, the bigger and braver we become, and life will, in turn, bestow onto us all the happiness and fulfilment we could ever dream of.
