CWs: dehumanisation (it/its pronouns to imply this), child whump (fen is 12 in this), death, shooting someone with a gun. fen doesnt get hurt in this, theyre... technically a whumper too lmao. lmk if theres anything else i shouldve added! Essentially: Fen's first kill. :)
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He was scared.
Fen could tell, looking into the grown man’s blue eyes. They never lingered on her for long, jumping and darting to Soren every few seconds, but his pupils were blown wide and they’d taken on a glassy sheen. Sir had ordered him to his knees just moments ago, and then forced him down when he didn’t immediately obey. She couldn’t tell whether it was that or the smell of blood making her nauseous, but she suspected it was both.
“Go ahead, weapon.”
The man went rigid. His body jerked, as if he was trying to escape his cuffs, which would’ve made Fen snort if she didn’t want to cry. Even if you escaped, where could you run? She could tell, too, that he was trying to talk, but it was futile. The fabric over his mouth would be a flimsy silencer on its own, but the stretch of his jaw betrayed that there was another gag underneath.
Part of her wondered who he was. Where he was from. Did he have family? What did he do wrong? They were the kind of questions she knew she wasn’t supposed to ask. Humanising the man was a mistake- he was a target. A mark, they'd reminded her.
She couldn’t help glancing up at Soren, her breathing getting quicker. “I don’t-”
The air got a little colder and Fen tensed. Soren raised his brows, his gaze a warning. “What?”
God, now she really felt sick.
“I…” Fen’s exhale was shaky. She thought, dimly, that she might be shaking too. The gun at her hip felt hot in its holster. “I don’t know how. Sir.”
Her handler’s jaw clenched in dangerous disapproval. “Don’t lie to me. This isn’t optional, weapon. This is your purpose, and the longer I delay giving you real experience, the less useful you are.”
The instruction was clear. She wasn’t some weak little baby, she was a weapon. Fen had been training for this for ages now. Not anywhere near as long as Kona or 011, sure, but she was good and she knew she was! She was smart, and quick, and strong. She was made for this. That’s what Soren kept telling her. This was her purpose.
Just last week, she had seen Kona on a mission. Watched it dispatch two people without even blinking. Her heartrate slowed a fraction at the knowledge that one day she could be like that too, that it wouldn’t always feel this impossible to do what she knew she had to. But that day would never come if she just stuck to shooting dummies and training with handlers. Holding a dagger to someone’s throat wasn’t the same as slitting one and she knew that, too. It had only ever been a matter of time before she would have to kill someone.
Fen forced herself back into reality, meeting the man’s desperate eyes. If he wasn’t gagged, would he beg? Would she beg, if she didn’t know better? If she hadn't tried a hundred times already?
In that moment, it was two terrified people staring at each other. Then, she took that fear and shoved it down, letting her face go blank.
“Look at me. The fear means nothing. Your tears mean nothing. You’re a weapon — all emotion does is make you a liability. So get. The fuck. Over it.”
It did. Best as it could, it tucked the fear away where it couldn’t find it, distancing itself two metaphorical steps back from all of that unhelpful guilt and anxiety. It was not the hyperventilating mess it was a few months ago in training, it was better now. Sharper. The sickness in its belly and the tears burning at its eyes were nothing but bodily sensations it could tune out if it was good enough.
Fen’s hand moved to its side and drew its gun, watching the man flinch and tug at his restraints. He was crying now. A knife would be harder. All this was was pulling a trigger — if it couldn’t do that, what was it even good for?
Just do it. Feet shoulder width apart. Just do it. Right foot back a little. Just do it. Its hands pulled up, the gun levelled at his chest. Stop moving. Please. Stop fucking moving. He didn’t listen, obviously. It shifted its weight onto the balls of its feet. Its hands trembled.
Just do it.
The shot rang out. For a moment, all it could feel was the way its shoulder was punched backwards by the recoil. Then, the man fell back, and Fen’s eyes lasered in on the entrance wound. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. It had missed his heart. He coughed, trying to curl over but unable to.
Before Fen could think about it — God, if it thought about it, it might never happen — it raised the gun and fired again. This time, its aim was true.
It took him less than a minute to go still. It tried to take a step back, eyes burning, but Soren gripped its shoulder and it went rigid, watching his weak struggle fade out into limp nothingness. His shirt was scarlet with blood.
“You’ll aim better next time,” Its handler’s voice came from behind, and it brooked no argument. “And, for fuck’s sake, you won’t dawdle so long over it.”
Fen nodded, and his hand tightened on its shoulder. It winced, and tore its eyes from the target as it turned to face him. His hand fell away. “Yes, sir.”
The lines of his face softened, just a little. The look of satisfaction almost made its knees buckle, but it kept its legs steady, hands at its sides — one clutching the gun — and face as neutral as it could make it. “Good. The fact you took the second shot without requiring a reminder shows marked improvement.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. The phrase followed it out of the room as it tailed Soren, all the way up the stairs and out of the building. All the way across the courtyard and after being dismissed, all the way to the dorm. Don’t cry, Fen thought, even as it closed the door behind itself and sank down against it, the room empty of anyone to see her face crumple and her shoulders begin to shake.
It’s okay, she told herself, pressing a hand over its mouth to muffle the gasp of her tears. It’s okay, I’ll do better next time. It’ll be easier next time.
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A/N: i actually really like this one i have no idea why. i really hope you guys do as well!!! surprise she/her for fen bc theyre young in this and havent completely assumed it/its yet.
@febuwhump taglist: @stars-hide-our-fires @cepheusgalaxy @aromanticsky @succstosucculent @uniquezombiedestiny @violets-whumperflies @labtrauma @palinoiahart @fallenwaltz (if youd like to be removed lmk!! and if anyone wants to be added lmk as well :D!!)
A whole week finished! That's quite impressive on my books!
Okay, okay, I KNOW yesterday i said that one was my favourite piece, BUT this one turned out SO good. It has to be the best one yet.
I still keep putting so much passion while drawing him, lmao. And, yes, this is a redraw of his pre-boss battle cutscene (on Best Yeast 7-30), so within context, it IS pv hurting the bravegang
I may have forgotten the thunders of his magic tho...
Also, I had so much fun playing with the filters, someone has ti take the multiply layer as a whole away from me, please
